From MadCap's Couch - "Doctor Who: Planet of the Ood"

"I'm not dead! I'm getting better!"
"No, you're not! You'll be stone dead in a moment!"

So this is definitely an episode that happened. Yessiree, it sure did. Mmmhmm.

Oh, that's not me saying the episode is bad. Far from it. It's just one of those really weird ones where the Doctor being involved...wasn't really necessary. As in for the episode to work as a piece of fiction. This happens a few times in Doctor Who, most notably for me being this episode and in Revelation of the Daleks in the Sixth Doctor's era. We'll likely be getting into that another day, since it's one of the genuinely good episodes of the Colin Baker era on the show, but that's neither here nor there right now. Today, we're getting a visit from our squid-y squid squid friends, the Ood.

Now you might remember that, last time, the Ood went a little crazy and got possessed by the Devil for a bit. Cheeky little squids! I'm sure that this time, the Ood will only have the best of intentions and will absolutely not in any way be a-

The first action of this episode is the Ood killing someone with a translator ball.

. . .oops? Also, no, I'm not reviewing that.

Elsewhere, the Doctor and Donna arrive to a new location in the TARDIS. The Doctor set the controls for random, they can literally be anywhere and any when in time and space. Donna is absolutely ecstatic...until they learn that they're on a planet in the middle of a snowstorm. Donna pops back into the TARDIS to get a parka and, after they see a rocket and Donna fangirls over it as opposed to the Doctor's literally miracle of a time machine, they follow to get caught up with the plot.

At the facility from the teaser, a new manager flies in and is told that the first attack was not the first one, there have been three. This was simply the first one they caught on camera and, while they can't see the face of the Ood clearly (as we did in the cold open), they believe it had the condition of Red Eye - something that causes the Ood to become hostile.

Also, the boss is drinking hair tonic. I only bring this up because it factors into the ending of the episode. Bare with me.

The Doctor and Donna wander through the snow, giving me severe Revelation of the Daleks vibes, and the Doctor claims to hear something...singing in the snow. They find an Ood, dying in the snow. While the Doctor attempts to render first aid, Donna at first is freaked out by it, but shows some empathy by trying to keep talking to him (as the Doctor firmly corrects her). The Doctor figures out that the Ood has been shot. However, the Ood is adamant that "The Circle must be broken". When the Doctor questions him, the Ood shows a Red Eye for a pointless jump scare before falling over dead.

"This is all leading to a bad finale, isn't it?"
"My third, yep..."

Once again, showing the great empathy once she gets her own squick under control, Donna gently pats the creature's head and asks if they should bury it. The Doctor says the snow will take care of it, and explains the telepathic song...although Donna, glumly, says she couldn't hear it. As they head off, the Doctor gives some exposition about the last time he met the Ood, and Donna disbelieves the existence of the Devil in a pretty humorous exchange before they reach "Ood Operations".

Salana, head of Marketing, greets some buyers and the Doctor and Donna use the psychic paper to bluff their way in. An alarm goes off as they're entering the place in a way that is not even slightly ominous. As the Doctor, Donna, and a bunch of people so important they get no lines in the episode are given a sales pitch that claims that the company sees the Ood as their friends that they keep healthy and educated, while a security team hunts down a Red Eye with the intention of murdering it to death. Worst of all, when they corner it...it's rabid, angrily frothing at the mouth at them.

The boss, Halpen, orders them to get rid of it and then asks his Ood if he thinks that his hair is growing back in...before dismissing the thought as silly.

After a showcasing of different models of Ood, the Doctor uses a terminal to figure out where they are - the planet Ood-Sphere in the year 4126. Donna has a mini squee fit over the year, thinking that it's amazing that humanity has gotten out across the galaxy...and mentions the bees disappearing again.

Hmm...

When she puts two and two together about the Ood being a serving race and the "Second Great and Bountiful Human Empire", knowing a bit of Earth history to know that humans being explorers hasn't always been a good thing for the natives, Donna goes to interrogate an Ood. She asks about the time before the humans, where surely not all the Ood were made to serve...and the Ood begins to spasm a bit before mentioning "The Circle...the Circle..."

Salana interrupts the Ood, and the Doctor and Donna decide to take a trip of their own around the facility.

With the rabid Ood, Halpen is worried about the long-term effects of the Red Eye sickness. One of his cronies mentions Warehouse 15...which seems to really unnerve him, Halpen insisting that it's been two centuries and there's no reason to think there's any connection. Nevertheless, they check. The rabid Ood also gets put down, much to the dismay of Halpen's Ood - Ood Sigma.

He becomes important much later.

The Doctor and Donna witness an Ood being whipped back into a formation line and the Doctor makes a comment that he didn't realize that the Ood were a slave race. Admittedly, the Doctor never really acknowledged it in the first episode that they showed up in, but his comment of "I was busy" should have been ended with "making googly eyes at Rose, who I wanted to bang for reasons known only to supernatural creatures that walk the night".

. . .yeah, the counter gag is gone, but the snark lives on!

Also, he claims he couldn't save the Ood WHEN HE HAS A TIME MACHINE!

"Would you care for a cup of d̵̥͓͑͘è̵̳͚̤̩͔a̶̡̡̦̻̺̔́̒̿̈́ț̴̥̆̽́̓ͅȟ̴̠͇?̸̨̤͔̠̳̊͋̀"

Back with Halpen, we get a bit of an explanation as to why Warehouse 15 scares him - his father brought him there when he was six years old. Inside we see a red light over the two humans and the Ood, but we don't see clearly what it is. However, Halpen tells Ood Sigma to "say hello to daddy". Salana calls Halpen up to tell him that the "Noble Corporation" that the Doctor and Donna bluffed their way in under the name of...doesn't exist. He tells them to keep it quiet, but find and contain them. Halpen then pours some of his tonic on whatever it is below in disgust...and the ground shakes. He quickly leaves, and Ood Sigma looks ponderously down at whatever it is...

The Doctor and Donna break into the warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark Cyberpunk Edition. The Doctor points out a crane used for shipping out the containers, and Donna is horrified when she realizes that the containers are packed to the brim with Ood. Breaking open one, the Doctor does the episodes one to two lines of insightful commentary about something that was bugging the writer - in this case, slavery the likes of which still happens in the world even to this day in 2021 - and Donna asks the Ood why they don't just leave...and the Ood don't understand the question.

They do, however, understand "The Circle" and insist that "The Circle must be broken" in a creepy unison voice.

The Ood Operations folks have caught up to them, alarms blaring in spite of Halpen's direction (and much to his annoyance). The thugs manage to capture Donna and toss her into a container with some Ood. The lead guard, who I will name "Asshole", uses the crane to try and capture the Doctor. In the container, the Ood start showing Red Eye, much to Donna's horror.

Eventually, Salana stops Asshole from killing the Doctor and he and Donna are released into the custody of the guards...only for the Red Eye Ood to get out and the killing to begin! The Doctor, Donna, and Salana escape and Salana gets questioned on the Ood and where they came from. She points them in the direction of Ood-Conversion...and then betrays them, calling out for the guards.

Halpen's hair is still falling out. The Ood are getting rabid all over, strangely except for Ood Sigma...who remains as stoic as ever.

"May we have a moment to talk to you about our lord and savior, Gabriel Woolf?"

The Doctor once again "hears" something and he and Donna head to find more Ood, these ones without the translator stitched to their head. As they get closer, the Doctor hears something that Donna doesn't...the Ood are singing. They are huddled together, scared, with their brains in their hands instead of the translator ball. The Doctor opens Donna's mind so that she can hear the song. After a few moments, she's so overwhelmed and begs him to take it away...and is horrified at the realization that the Doctor can still hear it.

Also, Catherine Tate is a magnificent actress. If this and Pompeii don't sell you, I don't know what will.

So, the horror is revealed - the Ood are born with a hindbrain. The company effectively lobotomizes them, stitching on the Translator Ball instead. Donna, heartbroken at this, declares her want to go home - having seen such a terrible thing as this. Honestly, it's understandable, although she kind of did this to herself in a way. Donna knew what a terrible and frightening life that the Doctor led, and many things out there aren't very nice, but still kept the image in her head of the Doctor's life being some kind of wondrous, amazing thing.

It's a learning process, and it's one that every companion should go through.

. . .not that I'm naming any names of anyone who might have just decided to skip that.

When Halpen and the guards arrive, the Doctor closes the cell door and in a very Doctor-esque manner declares his defiance.

"What are you gonna do? Arrest me? Well, you're too late! HA!"

He and Donna are promptly handcuffed in Halpen's office.

I love this show, sometimes.

Donna gets in a hard jab at the "The Ood welcomed it." line by explaining, very succinctly, that the Ood are born with their brains in their hands - so of course they'd have to trust anyone they came across. They're peaceful. Halpen, however, is having the entire stock gassed. As they do, the brain-having Ood begin to sing. The ones who were "rabid" in the compound likewise begin to do so...and the Ood with the buyers begin to have the same spasms as before, becoming Red Eye like the rest and begin to attack the buyers.

Salana's treachery likewise gets paid back when one of the Ood kills her. Asshole gets gassed to death in a hilarious bit of karma.

All Hell is breaking loose, as you'd expect. Halpen tries to get control, leaving the Doctor and Donna to the mercies of the Ood (with the Doctor having worked out that there's a third element they haven't seen - though we have). Halpen has a...strangely tender moment where he encourages Ood Sigma, who he incorrectly identifies as faithful, to go and join his people. He does...and Ood Sigma once more looks at the man ominously as he leaves, heading for Warehouse 15.

"Donna! It's my fangirls! RUN! RUUUUUUUUUN!"

Donna questions the Doctor having met Houdini (he...maybe has?) and the Ood approach them as they try to escape the handcuffs. The two repeat the phrases "DoctorDonna friends" and "The Circle must be broken" many, many, many times...so many times that the Brained Ood hear them and call off the attack, much to their everlasting joy.

Halpen and his crony from earlier, meanwhile, make it to Warehouse 15. The Doctor and Donna, with Ood Sigma as a guide, also make their way there. Halpen and his flunkie get detonation packs around the thing in Warehouse 15 we still haven't seen...and the Doctor and Donna do see it, a giant brain worthy of the Underdark itself. Surrounded by pylons...forming a circle.

Halpen puts the Doctor and Donna at gunpoint...and he begins to have some sort of strange reaction. When his flunkie reveals himself to be one of the Friends of the Ood (mentioned in passing in Series 2 at one point), Halpen rewards him for ten years of service to the company...by throwing him into the brain. Of course, said flunkie also lowered the telepathic field, making all of this possible...which means this all would have happened whether or not the Doctor intervened.

Ood Sigma, while Halpen is about to off the Doctor and Donna, offers Halpen a drink...and he begins to realize that he's been poisoned. What he hasn't been drinking wasn't hair tonic, but he's been being turned into an Ood. Rather than taking the gun and shooting himself in a fit of suicidal panic at being able to hear the Ood's song, the episode takes a far less realistic approach and has him pull off the skin of his face to reveal and Ood underneath, complete with a hindbrain that he sneezes right out...because eww.

The Doctor, with Sigma's kind permission, deactivates the pylons and allows the Ood to sing. They are, at last, free...and even Donna can hear their joyous song as can the humans outside. The song was so powerful that it resonated across the galaxy, and the Ood are all coming home.

Sigma offers the Doctor and Donna a place among them, saying that the song has room for them as well. The Doctor turns him down, saying that he has a song of his own. Sigma then makes a very ominous statement.

"I think your song must end soon."

The Doctor asks about this, but Sigma is enigmatic as always. Donna has changed her mind about returning home, wanting to travel on with the Doctor. Sigma promises them that their children will sing of the "DoctorDonna", and that the wind and the snow will carry their names forever. The TARDIS then departs.

For dry, red eyes...

Planet of the Ood is, as I said before, not a bad episode. It's not good really, but it's not bad. If it weren't for the foreshadowing of the Tenth Doctor's regeneration to come...I'd honestly say you could skip it with very little lost. Donna's character bits are very good, and her banter with the Doctor is as great as ever.

The turned into an Ood revenge on Halpen is both brilliant and terrifying, body horror something out of Tales from the Crypt or something of the like. Although, it does say something how much the episode tries to insist that the Ood are a kind, peaceful race...and one of them has a sinister edge enough to poison a man. It's good as karmic payback for Halpen, don't misunderstand me, but it really says something to me that Ood Sigma may not be entirely on the level as Silas Carson's ducet tone of voice suggests.

The only real problem (besides that) that I have with this episode is the fact that there's really just no reason for the Doctor and Donna to be there. They aren't instrumental to what's happening, they're incidental. You could honestly remove them from the story entirely and it would still work. Of course, then it wouldn't be an episode of Doctor Who...but you get the idea. There is a workable story right here just on its own without the Doctor, the companion, or the TARDIS. Maybe The Outer Limits would have been a better choice than Tales from the Crypt for my analogy, in that case.

I'm still fascinated by some of the questions the episode brings up that are never really resolved. So, are the Ood a hive mind race? They don't seem to be when we see them later in The End of Time and their being voiced by Silas Carson is a product of the Translator Ball - not the Ood themselves. So...do they not have distinct personalities? Or do to an extent? It's a curiosity that hangs over the episode entire, especially that given that Ood Sigma is the one and only one who seems to operate as an individual...maybe.

Also, the ending is a little schmaltzy what with all the Ood being returned from across the galaxy. A slave trade across three galaxies and it stops just like that? It's a little bit too Hallmark for my taste. Still, who doesn't love a happy ending?

Next time, we return to Earth, to Martha Jones, and to a foe from the Classic Show that actually has a pretty good plan this time around. A penned two-parter by Helen Raynor, where she may just earn her redemption for all the terrible things that Russell made her put into her last scripts - like a Dalek shoving a man up its ass.

Yes, I'm still on about that. It's absolutely bizarre and disturbing for no good reason. What the actual hell, Russell?