From MadCap's Couch - "Doctor Who: The Impossible Planet"

"...will find the Holy Grail in the Castle of...ARRRRGH!"
"...wot?"

The Doctor and Rose land in a TARDIS that almost seems to be groaning in protest. The Doctor notes how strange this is, and after the pair have a laugh at the thought of going somewhere else, he and Rose find a grafitti'd bunch of symbols on a wall under a heading of "Welcome to Hell".

Putting that bar a wee bit high, aren't we?
The meet the inhabitants of the station, a bunch of aliens who have a strange, technological orb that processes speech, telling the Doctor and Rose that "we must feed...we must feed..." and they close in on the pair in a manner most sinister as we lead into the opening credits.

The tension is held for all of a millisecond after, with one of the creatures - the Ood - revealing the full message "We must feed...you, if you are hungry". Some humans come in and, after Rose makes an ass of herself in a totally not egotistical manner with introductions as though people will recognize "Rose Tyler" but not "the Doctor", and I shouldn't have to tell even a casual viewer why that's really stupid...

Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,229

...and after an earthquake, they learn where they are - a space base orbiting a black hole. The Doctor notes that this is impossible because nothing can resist being pulled into a black hole...ignoring both his people's own history of stellar engineering and ignoring what he's going to pull in the second part of this episode, spoiler alert. Really, Doc...it makes sense for Rose to be shocked by that, you response should be something akin to "Huh. That's charming."

The team of humans is apparently here with their Ood, a basic slave race, to seek a power source at the heart of the asteroid.

After a realization that the TARDIS was in a part of the base that was lost in the quake, and the Doctor failing to get it back, strange things are afoot on the station. The Ood speak strangely about the Beast rising from the Pit to make war against God and later have their psychic potential going off the charts, the archaeologist on the team starts hearing voices, and the ship's onboard computer repeatedly mentions that "He is awake". Also, the archaeologist is repeatedly menaced by the voice of Sutekh the Destroyer from Pyramid of Mars. Actually, it's the voice of Gabriel Woolf, who did voice Sutekh in that story.

Why is he a different character here? Beats me, especially when the end of this episode states that he's essentially the Devil, and the next episode confirms that.

Fanservice shot for all orientations.

Maybe it was a case of not knowing if they could get Gabriel Woolf before scripting had finished, but it seems bizarre to not just have Sutekh be the villain is all I'm saying. He's not that different from the eventual Beast.

Anyway, archaeologist guy gets way into body writing as well as demonic possession, killing a member of the group and I'm sure we're supposed to feel uber sad about that, but I'm just confused by that rather hamfisted scene where the rest of the crew, the Doctor, and Rose find her floating up in the skylight of the base.

Also, why does a deep space base have windows that look outside? Like, literally any windows? And yes, I'm aware that there's a throwaway line later about the bullets only affecting organics, but Murphy's Law cares not for your futuristic nonsense. Somebody could take one of those windows out with a well-placed chair.

But anyway, just as the shit seems to be hitting the fan, the drill going to the center of the planet - the whole reason for the expedition to begin with - finally reaches the center of the asteroid. The Ood's psychic power starts going off the charts and the Doctor goes down with Ida, who I only know because she's really the only memorable character in the bunch, in the hopes of locating the TARDIS and into what appears to be a gigantic temple. They find a strange seal that, like the writing up above, the Doctor doesn't recognize.

Up above, archaeologist man gets possessed again and then the Ood are likewise possessed, calling themselves "the Legion of the Beast". Down below, the seal opens and the Beast proclaims its freedom...as the asteroid starts to fall toward the black hole...

And that's where The Impossible Planet ends. Pun not intended, it is definitely one Hell of a cliffhanger. It's not a bad set up at all, I'm personally a bit of a sucker for a story of people in a confined area with tension mounting in that Alien or John Carpenter's The Thing style. This feels very much in the way of the former, with the threat coming into play by the actions of the crew rather than a force attacking them from the outside.

Gabriel Woolf is excellent as the Beast and I have nothing bad to say about him in this or in the following episode, The Satan Pit. He is played the most fantastically voiced villain in classic Doctor Who and he has won that title again for the revived show (at least at the time of this writing) as far as I'm concerned.

I know they need the translation orb, but wouldn't that make
holding things even harder? They'd be less efficient.

There's a bit of ship teasing with the Doctor and Rose where they contemplate the thought that they could have an existence here in this era with the TARDIS out of the picture. Of course, you all should know by now I care about as much for the Doctor and Rose relationship as I do the proper methods of shoving a whole pineapple up one's rear end, so I'm hardly one to comment. For the purposes it's intended for, sure, David Tennant and Billie Piper have some chemistry, I will admit that.

That is all I will admit, but I'll admit that. There, Doctor/Rose shippers, that's your bone I'm throwing you.

You also really can't talk about this episode without bringing up the Ood. While I don't doubt that humanity would enslave alien races when they got out into the stars (we are kind of assholes after all), I'd call the Ood severely underdeveloped in this episode and if I didn't know that Planet of the Ood was coming up in Series 4, I'd call them one-note and a tool for Russell to be hamfisted with an anti-slavery message. The whole thing is in a really muddy area, since we don't know exactly how truthful the human beings are about how the Ood are willingly slaves.

Since they essentially end up going full Children of the Damned and serving the Beast, it seems like we're also not meant to sympathize with them too highly, either. Or maybe we're meant to sympathize with them more? Rose's shock about it all aside, I do find it rather telling that the Doctor makes no comment about the Ood throughout the episode.

"Talk to the hand!"

But yes, The Impossible Planet definitely gets a recommendation from me. It has a good set up, decent if underdeveloped characters, and a good build up to a great cliffhanger ending. Stick around for Part 2, it's a little more muddled.

Doctor Who is the property of the British Broadcasting Corporation.

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