MadCap at the Movies - "Jurassic World"

If I haven't said it before - which I likely have and just have a bad memory about it - I used to love dinosaurs when I was a kid. This was largely due to the early to mid 1990s being the absolute best time in the last sixty-five million years for the great beastly lizards who had once conquered the Earth. Jurassic Park, an adaptation of the Michael Crichton novel of the same name, had a lot to do with that. I remember seeing the first movie in my youth, if it doesn't qualify as my first fandom then I don't know what does.  The thought of seeing these ancient creatures brought back to life fascinated me...and terrified me, as the movie intended.

And, of course, it spawned a sequel in 1995 - The Lost World: Jurassic Park - and another in 2001 - Jurassic Park III.  They both sucked.  A lot. So for fourteen years, the franchise laid dormant after Dr. Alan Grant escaped from Isla Sorna and it seemed that we would thankfully never have another disappointing sequel to the great film from 1993.

...and as of 2015, this still holds true because the latest sequel and the one I'm here to talk about now, Jurassic World, makes up for the previous two films by kicking all the asses! It ignores Lost World and Jurassic Park III - which wins it so many awesome points to begin with - but it also takes the themes of the original film and cranks them right up to eleven. It's a popcorn movie, sure, but it gives an important message (that is, "quit screwing around with nature, you stupid humans!") without feeling like it has to ram in into our eye sockets in the way that Lost World did.

We pick up some two decades after the first movie - skillfully avoiding any references to the previous two films (you really have no idea how much I love that) - to show that Isla Nublar is home to John Hammond's vision realized. Multimillionaire Simon Masrani (Irrfan Khan) has opened the brand new Jurassic World which he owns and has run by Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard). With attendance in the park dropping, she and the investors at the park have made a potentially risky move - creating a brand new dinosaur out of existing DNA.

Now, you might be calling this mad science...and it is, though I do have to wonder if they actually meant to rip off Doctor Connors's experiments from The Amazing Spider-Man...which Irrfan Khan was also in...oh, damn...

MadCap Crossed The Streams: 2

Back to the point, however, a new dinosaur has been concocted in the labs of the Masrani Corporation - the "Indominus Rex". It's a creature with the basic form of a T-Rex and a bunch of other dinosaur and animal genes to give it special abilities as the plot requires because...of course! Don't you know anything about science? Thankfully, this never goes over the top with the Indominus getting nonsensical powers out of nowhere that make it completely untouchable by the main characters.

And of course, the biggest draw to this movie - besides the dinosaurs - is Owen Grady (Chris Pratt). Owen is a former resident of Pawnee, Indiana who...sorry, he's a former space pirate who becomes a Guardian of the Gal...no, sorry, a former Navy office who is also a Velociraptor expert, and thus trains the raptors on the island at the behest of InGen, studying their intelligence. Pratt's Grady serves, rather predictably, as a combination of both Dr. Grant and Ian Malcolm's characters from the original film, though putting Chris Pratt in a film and not giving him snarky dialogue is just a waste of his talents.

Nevertheless, in the moments where he has to be serious it really comes across. He is the one character saying pretty much what the audience is thinking, including rather blatantly bringing up the fact that making a new dinosaur from the genes of others was probably not a good idea. He also shows off his badass action hero stripes he more than earned in Guardians, in both his interactions with humans (particularly Vincent D'Onofrio as an InGen crony) and with dinosaurs.

Bryce Dallas Howard as Claire is a neurotic, micro-manager who has been put in charge of Jurassic World and has been running it without a hitch for years. A workaholic, she has made no time to see her sister or her family, particularly her two nephews (Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins) who she has not seen in around seven years. She also apparently has some romantic history with Owen, having gone on one date with him in the past. She made an itinerary, he wore board shorts. Whacky romantic hijinks!

Rounding out the main cast are Claire's nephews, Zack (Nick Robinson) and Gray (Ty Simpkins), who are sent to the island for a perfectly innocent vacation and not for their parents to get them out of the way while they deal with a nasty divorce that's brewing behind the scenes. I really enjoy the brothers and their scenes together, such as one where they repair an old park jeep and riding around in the Great Glass Hamster Ball. It's a pity they aren't developed more, but what we do get is very nice and - let's face it - being trapped on an island running for your lives from man-eating dinosaurs is an exercise that would bond just about anyone.

As for the plot itself, it quickly goes from Jurassic Park to Aliens with Vincent D'Onofrio and only returning character from any previous film Dr. Henry Wu (BD Wong) wanting to put Grady's raptors and other dinosaurs to military applications, despite the fact Grady does not have remotely the amount of control over the raptors that the trailers had us believing. It's a thin rope by which Grady controls the raptors, the D'Onofrio only sees a way that he could be a real kingpin of innovation in how the Army conducts warfare.

...huh, where did that come from?

While I have made reference to the previous two films, this film is not one that's afraid of worshiping the one film that was good - loads of merchandise from the original park, a character that's only in the film to tell us how good the film is, and the original Visitor Center getting a cameo from where it's been swallowed from the original film. Though, really - for the most part - it's not done so much that you get sick of it. Just some wonderful homages and references to the previous movie that is now the only other movie in the franchise, because continuity...did I mention how much I love typing that?

The CGI is actually consistently pretty good throughout and we don't get many, if any, of those weird moments that Lost World and III gave us with the hokey-looking dinosaurs. Even the Indominus, when it finally does show up (the filmmakers wisely taking the road of building up suspense), it looks pretty damn good. Far better than the other Jurassic Park IV pitch that leaked some years ago about the U.S. Military trying to creature human/dino hybrids.

...seriously, I'm not kidding, look it up.

There is admittedly more than a little sequel baiting in the last act, but the entire film is brought to a conclusion that makes it where it can very well stand on its own. You could call it the passage of time or my own nostalgia about the first film, but as I was sitting in the theater, I was feeling like a kid again when we saw the first shots of Isla Nublar and the dinosaur attractions therein.  Hearing the original John Williams score over some of the most majestic creatures of the land before time, I found myself in a place that - watching them as an adult - The Lost World and Jurassic Park III never really took me too.  It was that sense of wide-eyed wonder coming back as it was almost as though I was looking upon all of this for the very first time as a six year old.

If that doesn't make this an absolutely awesome movie, then I don't know what does.

Jurassic World is now in theaters from Amblin Entertainment, Legendary Pictures, and Universal.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

From Madcap's Couch - "Sliders: Love Gods"

Carried off by a bunch of women without saying a word, now that is Crying Man style!

Well, I actually did the math - something oddly uncharacteristic for me - and discovered that you can, in fact stuff the severed remains of exactly four standard sized prostitutes into the back of U-Haul and bury them in the back of a lumberya-oh, sorry, didn't see you there. Sexuality is a major part of humanity. It's a basic biological function that allows the human race to have continuity. Stories in fiction have often set up scenarios where the future of the human race has been decimated by war, disease, or other outside forces and there is struggle to merely survive.

And out of all of those tales of escapist fiction...this is one of them.

We begin on a fisherman's wharf where the Sliders come through their wormhole with some banter. Wade checks the timer and discovers they're there for three days, six hours. Quinn notes that the air smells far better than a fisherman's wharf on their world, and Rembrandt (like the true Lothario he is) notes the amount of fine looking ladies roaming about. They pass a sign for the "Brooks Sisters" and Wade notes that it seems they've landed on an Earth where women have broken through the glass ceiling.

...which we already had last season.

...and it was a terrible, anvilicious episode that failed to paint literally anyone in a good light.

A little girl leaving a shop notices Rembrandt and is shocked for a moment before running off. Arturo, meanwhile, has taken to examining the children's toys with the reasoning that one can learn a lot about a culture by how the children are entertained. The display is shown with no guns or war toys (though apparently Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat is part of a tea party set). They're distracted from any further thought on this, however, by a crowd of women who had gathered and are all gawking at them.

The Sliders attempt to flee as the group of women charges after them, but they are soon swarmed with the group taking special notice of Rembrandt, Quinn, and Arturo and trying to carry them off as the all-female police call for backup to deal with the situation. Taken in by the cops as "escaped breeders", Arturo theorizing due to seeing no men in the police station besides the three Sliders themselves that they could have landed on a world of no men. They are pulled aside by a detective who puts all three of them in an interrogation room.

Apparently, the police believe them to have escaped from "the Virus". The three joke around about this, which leaves the detective just not amused at all. Before she can interrogate further, a Doctor Morris enters and puts the whole matter to bed. She orders a transport to the "Center" and then promptly storms out, leaving the three male Sliders confused.

On the ride over, Morris explains that she's from the "Bureau of Repopulation". At the gates of the Center they deal with reporters while the camera pans over to reveal a woman in a sedan not far off speaking on an early 90s cell phone and telling someone "they've got three more". Apparently, she's working with the detective from earlier, who has traced Wade to the Dominion Hotel.

At the Hotel, Wade finds out there are no available rooms thanks to the Repopulation Center taking samples, and so she gathers at the Almighty Television of Exposition to get some of the good stuff and gets caught up with where Quinn, Arturo, and Rembrandt are in the plot, leaving as the women fawn over their images on the TV screen.

Back at the ranch, Quinn goes through a physical and is told he'll be put in "five times in the first week" and they'll see how he does. Morris also tells him when he brings up that the group will be leaving in a few days that he'd best change his plans - they're going to be here for a while.

Arturo heads into the gym to find a "Breeder of the Month" board and the current Breeder of the Month, Trevor Grant, slapping people's asses with a towel because...establishing antagonist moment? Apparently, he's has 215 confirmed pregnancies for the month of February alone.

What the hell are they feeding the breeders in this center? Meth?!

Arturo rightly calls the man an idiot, but Rembrandt and Quinn show up and they decided to work off some steam by taking a steam. Also, Quinn gets the opportunity to drop some exposition. On this world, the Iraqi Army dropped a viral agent that attacked the Y Chromosome. As Arturo puts it, however, some will always survive the infection and thus there are still men, but they are in short supply. The men are all captive here and forced to repopulate the species.

...oh, no. They're all kept in one place and only have to have sex. What an utter travesty.

If you couldn't tell by my biting sarcasm, I have little sympathy. However, Quinn notes that they only have fifty nine hours before the Slide (because there's better than saying two days and some change, I guess) and that they need to get a message to Wade...and find a way out of here. One of their fellow steam room dwellers confides in them about the security, a bit of history (another world where Australia is at war with the U.S. - what is with this obsession?), and the fact that his wife and sister are planning on breaking him out. He offers them a place in the escape attempt, and they take it.

Thus, they make a Shawshank Redemption. There is an admittedly tense moment where they're nearly caught by a patrol, but soon all the guards are distracted when a blonde woman makes her way through the security checkpoint and distracts them all. The group and their new friend have some difficulty getting over the wall surrounding the facility, but eventually make it to the friend's wife's car and she drives them off...but not before the taillights are spotted by one guard who calls it in...

The next morning, the group is hiding out at the house of the new friend, named David rather suddenly because the writers failed to actually say his name before. His wife, Diana, apparently had her application rejected on the basis that she was neither young or pretty enough by the Center and they've been planning a jailbreak ever since.

So apparently, the Eugenics Wars are bound to happen on this world due to the government apparently caring more about creating the master race than saving humanity from extinction. Just Godwin this episode right up, writers!

They plan to make a run for Mexico later on, though Quinn politely declines the offer of going with them and asks Diana if she can locate a friend for them - obviously Wade. Wade, who is still at the Dominion and is being pursued by the woman from way earlier. The woman from the sedan earlier comes up and speaks to her about the injustices that the breeders suffer, hinting that she works with others who want to help them and would like to get a message to them...before Wade gets interrupted by a phone call. She listens in as Wade speaks to one of her fellow sliders.

Back in the hiding place, Rembrandt makes a commentary on TV on this world (referencing several shows that are far better than this one), and Quinn has a scene with Diana where she questions him about Wade and tells him the risk is very high so she clearly must be worth the effort they're putting into getting back to her. Before Quinn can answer, however, David runs in and forwards the plot concerning a waystation they'll travel to.

In a short aside, Arturo reveals through his reading that this world apparently knows nothing of alternative breeding methods such as in-vitro fertilization or donor eggs. Interesting to note and it does explain quite a lot. Before we can muse further on that, Quinn decides to go out after Wade in spite of the fact this is a really, really stupid idea...which Arturo and Rembrandt are only too happy to call him out on. They also point out that, if the government has Wade, they also have the timer and they could very well be stuck on that world.

Wade, however, has not been caught and is sneaking her way to the address in question. However, Wade doesn't have the timer, thinking that the others had it. They call her out on it and she reveals that she was only joking. Introductions are made, but then the fuzz arrives because Wade - in spite of fearing that she was being followed - led them straight to the place instead of trying to shake them off. The group decides to pull an Anne Frank and hide in the cellar,  The cops rush up and there is, again, admittedly some real tension as the cop even finds the wardrobe where they're all hiding...but doesn't find them.

Downstairs, Diana puts on a brave face as the cops tell her they have a search warrant - which makes me wonder how they got a search warrant so quickly for an address they didn't know they were going to - and all seems like the cops are about to leave empty handed...until the most terrible of all crimes that a man could possibly commit is discovered.

SOMEONE LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP!

YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! OH, GODDAMN YOU!!!!

With this information in hand. the cops renew their search and arrest Diana just as Quinn discovers that the attic has a roof access. Doctor Morris also arrives on the scene to interrogate Diana. Apparently, in the short cut, the Sliders and David managed to escape from a house that was completely surrounded by police. No small feat, considering I've been in a similar position and let me tell you cops are not that easy to do-I mean, the group resolves to run to the hills and meet at the park the next day at three o'clock for the slide.

However, the group is attacked by a force sent to bring the men back. Quinn has bad luck for the second time with his shoulder and gets hit by a tranquilizer dart. Arturo stays behind to help him escape, and he gets hit more effectively for his trouble and knocked out while the others make tracks. While Rembrandt, David, and Wade have gone one way, however, Quinn goes another and is nearly run over by a woman in a compact who tells him to get in before driving away.

The next morning, he wakes in the woman's mountain retreat. She introduces herself as Jane Hills, apparently she's a very prominent baker even on Quinn's world as he mentioned his mother loved her coffee cake. Apparently, the Virus killed her husband and left her alone. However, Quinn suddenly remembers that Arturo got captured and resolves to leave. Jane offers to help him out, letting him know that none of his friends were recaptured. When Quinn says he can't pay her back for her help, she hints that he...can...

We cut away to somewhere else in San Francisco, however, where the group is gathered around the TV. They discuss just who might have taken Quinn and Arturo, David bringing up the Australian M7 as a potential candidate for their attackers. Wade questions about where they might have been taken, and so the target becomes the Australian Consulate.

A man dressed in women's clothing. San Francisco's the same on any world.

At the Consulate, Arturo is treated to Vegemite and a snarky woman before being treated to an Australian soldier who can't seem to resist a little of that old English charm.

Back at...wherever the others ended up, Rembrandt is thrown into a dress for the sake of a disguise (and comedy), but refuses to shave his mustache so Wade puts a shawl over his head to cover it. After Rembrandt learns to walk like a woman, they say their goodbyes to David as we now go into the "last ten minutes of the episode" mode. They get to the Consulate and Wade rolls a successful Bluff check to get Rembrandt in, but Arturo screws the pooch by banging on his window and not having the common sense to realize that a rescue attempt is going on - since the Idiot Ball missed being used.

The woman from earlier who spoke of helping the breeders makes an appearance here, apparently an Australian national. Pressed for time, Wade demands to see Arturo and Quinn or they'll get none of Rembrandt...only to be told they have no idea who Quinn is. They are taken by the Aussies and told they'll be shipped off to the Pacific. Wade, instead, bluffs and claims she can get them Trevor Grant, America's most beloved breeder - Oh, so that's why he was established as a character nearly thirty minutes ago and then never showed up onscreen after that. Got it.

Man, Chekov's Gun is getting some distance! Woo!

But the Australians listen in, curious as to Wade's plan so they listen in instead of shoving her into the car. Back in the Thomas Kincade painting that Quinn's been tossed into, he learns from Jane (who he has apparently not had sex with yet) that no one has heard anything. She offers him a place to stay, but he refuses. She's also adamant about having a child, even if he's not in the picture as he won't be because of the Slide.

Wade, in the meantime, has returned to David and has told him the plan. He's skeptical, but Wade eventually gets his help. Wade also then meets with Dr. Morris and the Detective, telling them about the deal with the Australians - Trevor Grant and Diana for the others. She gets refused, and then Wade brings up that Trevor could be put on the Disabled List. Unable to call the bluff, they seemingly agree to the terms.

It seems that Wade has screwed over both the Australians and the Americans, however, rigging their exchange to take place under a specific bridge. According to Arturo, the slide will occur in six minutes. They are ushered away by their respective parties, but it seems that Wade has a plan as David whispers to Diana for her to wait for his signal. When the Detective and Dr. Morris are distracted by bad radio connection, they dart for the van that Rembrandt and Arturo have been forced into and it takes off.

Wade is driving. When Rembrandt brings up the fact that Quinn is still not among them, Wade just tells him to believe in miracles. No doubt the same advice the writer of this episode took while trying to reinsert Quinn into the plot.

Somehow, Quinn and Jane have made their way to the park and to the statue where they are to meet the others. With just over a minute to go before the episode ends, Wade opens the vortex and drives the van right into it. Quinn gives a wordless goodbye to Jane and leaps through himself, leaving both the Detective and Doctor Morris utterly confused.

Though we do not see where the Sliders plus David and Diana and an entire van ended up, we do get a last scene of Jane looking fondly at a picture of Quinn with what I assume to be a heartwarming tune playing over it.

This episode is a real mess, the pacing is what kills it, though not for the usual reason. Going back over the episode again, I kept in mind the mention of how much time the group has on this world as I often do whenever it's actually brought up in dialogue. In the beginning, they mention they have a little over three days. Going back through the scenes, I found that the pacing was off but not in the usual way for the show. Instead of cramming too much into too few scenes, they stretched it out quite a bit and it feels more like a week or possibly even longer instead of just three days.

And the reason I say this is that, like it did in other episodes, the lighting changes rather sporadically from scene to scene. Such as one scene that clearly takes place during the day and then another in the dead of night on what should be the third day, meaning they would have likely missed the Slide and been stuck on this work for twenty-nine years until the next gate opened.

What also bothers me in this is Quinn's subplot with Jane. Beyond the implications of Quinn impregnating her and leaving a child behind (which it's left ambiguous as to whether or not he actually did), it feels hilariously tacked on and serves to do nothing except keep him out of the main plot until literally the last minute of the episode, for reasons I can't quite figure out. And these are really the only two things that drag the episode down, but beyond them it's not all bad.

The Sliders, again, are showing some thinking that involves more than two brain cells and for once the plot isn't haranguing a message down our throats, so I'm inclined to be kind to it even if it could have used a few more rewrites.

It's not really good, not really bad. Just a rather middle of the road story to fill the time from cradle to grave. A "meh" seal of apathy from me for it.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

MadCap's Game Reviews - "Dragonball: Xenoverse GT DLC Pack 1 and 2"

'I'm flying because my little feet hurt...from kicking so much ass!"

Oooh, more Xenoverse goodies! And they've been out long enough that I figured I better get to it before the third one hits the market (that is to say, I had it written and edited before the release of DLC Pack 3) - though anyone who follows my blog knows I have absolutely no illusions about trying to be remotely "current".  Regardless, Dragon Ball: Xenoverse was a game I took great pains to review not too long after it came out, mostly because my interest in the series had been reignited due to the "Battle of the Gods" being out, and the announcement of "The Revival of F" coming later this year.

Oh, and Dragonball Super.  Because we needed a little more crack to go with our crack, Japan.

But regardless of Toriyama giving me an itch that I must now violently and ritualistically scratch, there is one section of the Dragon Ball Saga that receives outright loathing.  Maybe it's because of the sudden tone shift from where Z was, maybe it's because of the fact that Dragon Ball's creator Akira Toriyama had nothing to do with it beyond some character designs. Whatever the case may be, it's reviled by most of the Dragon Ball fandom.  Indeed, so much as saying the two little letters at the end of the beloved manga and anime is enough to turn even the most placid and well-adjusted anime fan into a crazed, bloodthirsty monster narrowly focused upon vengeance.

The last time this happened...well, you all may be too young to remember the Great Purge. The bodies piling up in the streets, homes and businesses burned and looted, the very fabric of scoiety itself was ripped into as the innocent and guilty alike could naught but scream in agony as the flesh sizzled from their bones and...

...okay, yeah, it's GT. The joke is Dragonball GT.

Xenoverse, having to do with time, does what it can to keep the purists off its back about including this section - it's another of several alternate timelines that were created accidentally by Trunks because of the time he was time travelling before God invented time machines that don't create alternate timeline (and, no, that explanation has gotten no less stupid).

"Hey! You're not Trunks! Where is the real Trunks?!"

But after talking with a robot buddy that the Time Patrol has quite a few of, the Future Warrior - in my particular case, the Saiyan warrior Butarega - learns from Trunks that there are distortions in a timeline that should not have been to begin with, but was because of wibbley wobbley timey wimey. So, given a scroll once more, the Warrior must go on two different mission paths. One to cover the Baby and Super 17 sagas, and one to cover the Shadow Dragons and Omega Shenron, ending with a grand old fight - the Future Warrior and Super Saiyan 4 Gogeta vs. Baby, Super 17, and Omega Shenron.

And granted, it's all very epic and grand in scale, but the lack of storyline content just shows how little they had to work with.  The entire arc in the beginning with Goku, Pan, and Trunks going across space to try and find the Black Star Dragon Balls is completely glossed over...and rightly so. But without that, there's really not that much of GT to use.  Mind you, they make up for that in the new Parallel Quests, so hush my mouth I guess.

The new DLC also allows a bunch of tasty new costumes and moves...most of which have to be unlocked via the Parallel Quests which are no less stingy in handing out items. Okay, Dimps, I'm gonna level with you here: 1) Increase the rate of item drops, at least a little.  2) Remove Gotenks from the game You need to work on the AI of our allies. A lot.  Actually, the AI in general can use some work, and the enemies just a wee bit of nerfing.

And no, I'm not referring to the boss characters. I'm referring to the fact that Butarega can go Super Saiyan 2 and shouldn't be able to be knocked around by Appule of all people like a rubber ball.

Also, the sections of just slogs of enemies, come to think of it.  This was a problem in the Legendary Super Saiyan Saga during the Bardock mission and it's a problem here.  Giving us a slew of enemies to fight that are infinitely respawning not only A) tells me how little thought you put into enemy selection, but also B) shows me that you cared more about padding out the game instead of actually making it difficult.

In addition to all the tasty gameplay content, you also unlock a few new masters such as Yamcha and Pan. Though since I didn't want to learn to die more times than Krillin, I've foregone said training with them.

But I will say, for the first two gameplay packs they definitely wanted to see that people got their money's worth and I think they most certainly did. I haven't even completed the entire thing and, much like the vanilla game, I would definitely say I don't feel cheated in terms of bang for my buck. If you're a particularly diehard fan, check it out. If not, then you won't miss too much by not picking it up.

I'm honestly just waiting until we can get the Super Saiyan 3 power up. I'm sure they'll do it eventually.

Dragon Ball: Xenoverse is now available from Dimps and Bandi Namco for Playstation 4, Xbox One, Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Microsoft Windows, and Steam.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

From MadCap's Couch - "Sliders: Into the Mystic"

"I'm getting better!" "No, you're not! You'll be stone dead in a moment!"

Science vs. magic. It's the one argument that keeps Star Trek nerds and Lord of the Rings nerds from getting along...and Star Wars nerds laughing at both of them. In all seriousness, pop culture has fused with the passing of time so much on the subjects of science fiction and fantasy that both concepts have almost become even more homogeneous. Which is good, there's nothing to say that magic and science can't exist in the same fiction universe and they often do. Indeed, even one of author Arthur C. Clarke's three laws states that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Of course, I go for magic over science. What's the fun in having all the answers down to facts and figures? But if they do co-exist, I prefer to have Clarke's law as the guideline for it with the added corollary to it being that any magic that is sufficiently advanced technology will not be fully understood. Hence, we preserve a little of the mystery, and hence we do a lead in for the first episode of season two of Sliders - "Into the Mystic".

As you may remember from my last review, we ended "Luck of the Draw" and season one on Wade eating all the ham in the pantry as she protested the death of Quinn by someone throwing a jam jar on his back.

Here, we open on the shot that I've so helpfully screencapped here. Things clearly have not improved for the better for young Mr. Mallory. And indeed it has not as the others are not actually mourning his death, Billy from "Luck of the Draw" making comments likening Quinn to Icarus (read a book) and sucking face with Wade, and everyone deciding they have much better things to do. However, from the grave, we heard Quinn crying out in protest and a pair of hands burst from the soil.

When there's no more room in Hell, Quinn Mallory...shall be subjected to a dream sequence by the writers.

Yes, it seems Quinn was only dreaming. He's alive, and apparently no worse for wear in spite of having a bullet lodged in his shoulder, which Billy Zane removed. Though he asked Wade to stay with him on this new world, she refused and he buggered off because he was no longer important to the plot. And so, four sliders once more, they slide from the world they stopped on at the end of last season. Before he jumps through, however, Quinn sees a man working the yards who looks exactly like a gentleman from his dream...who similarly tips his hat to him and laughs in an unnerving manner.

Reaaaally creepy...

They land in a rainy street and Quinn is apparently still not doing well from his injury. The group resolves to get him to a doctor. Rembrandt checks the White Pages and they're off to a...Shaolin temple? No, apparently, this is actually a doctor's office. Apparently, the forbidden bastard child of Bill Nighy and Grima Wormtongue - as he reveals himself to be - is a trained medical professional on this world. More to the point, as Arturo looks over the man's diplomas hung nicely on the wall, he comes to the conclusion that they've just given Quinn over to a witch doctor!

However, while the man has been able to help with Quinn's headache...he doesn't do shoulders. Though the nurse suggests they could try and speak to the "Sorcerer", who the doctor immediately dismisses as being a complete charlatan. But as Wade fights off the man's advances, he gives the bill for his services as well - over two hundred dollars for getting rid of a headache. Facing this and not believing for a second that this witch doctor is anything but an outrageous quack, Arturo presents a solution to the problem that the Sliders run with...literally.

They flee as the witch doctor swears to bring a thousands curses upon their heads.

"Safely" away, they get to the Dominion Hotel and Wade tries to work the pain out of Quinn's shoulder while they gather around the Almighty Television of Exposition. From this "scoping out" of culture - as Remmy puts it - they pretty much confirm what we've come to know by now, this is a culture heavily seeped in magic and sorcery. We also learn more of the "Sorcerer", namely that he's a brand name and sells quite a few different products such as a miracle salve and steak sauce.

We also learn that Rembrandt has a skeleton in his closet - literally!

That night, they try to settle in and are aroused from sleep by something coming down the hall. It knocks four times, but is surprisingly not the Master. Instead, it's the Grim Reaper! Apparently, death has been rendered so obsolete that Death had to pick up a day job serving summons. Quinn's being sued by the witch doctor. After consulting with a lawyer, they learn that since Quinn defaulted on the bill, the witch doctor can pick a body part from him for his studies. And within the fine print, he's apparently chosen Quinn's brain.

The lawyer says he'll try to talk to the doctor's people, but warns Quinn to keep off the streets for fear of demon bounty hunters. He does say, however, that the group could be helped by the Sorcerer - who nobody ever sees.

Mecha mecha hi mecha hiney ho!

While they're walking along afterwards, Arturo gets to be the bastion of logic and reason that we've come to know him as being, refuting everything in this world as explainable by natural law. Quinn realizes they're being followed by two men in black hats and suits and they are pulled into a tent nearby at the behest of a seer. At her request, as apparently she's been expecting them, the Sliders take seats around her table.

She gives them a tarot reading, claiming that they are all in great danger and should stick together. Arturo refutes it as being general and scammy, but she refutes it by pinpointing several very specific statements about him - namely that he feels unappreciated in his field and that he somewhat resents Quinn because of how easily it all comes to him. Then she reaffirms that the Sorcerer is there only hope, and they must reach him before he next goes sliding. Yes, on this world, the Sorcerer has the power to slide and the seer tells them that he has the power to send them home at last.

Reinvigorated by this, the group heads out to find the Sorcerer. Wade and Arturo debate more on magic versus science and it gets about as far as you'd expect - that is to say, not at all - before they find the cabbie who's a cabbie in every universe and he takes them to the home of the Sorcerer, which is not an Emerald City but instead a big black castle on the other side of the Golden Gargoyle Gate Bridge.

Apparently, the Sorcerer has his castle very much in the Dracula-style of things, meaning that even the area outside the castle screams "Go away, you morons!" But the Sliders are just morons enough for this not to work (also, the plot needs to happen), and they press on into the Forest of Obvious Danger. Lions, and tigers, and bears aside (Arturo trying to explain every such noise they hear as something rational), they eventually reach and begin crossing the Golden Gargoyle Gate bridge. Halfway across, however, we learn that the bridge seems to stop in mid-air.

Quinn quickly recognizes it as an illusion - a literal trick of the moonlight as the bridge is still there, just invisible to the eye. He proves this by throwing his jacket out ahead of them and it thuds solidly against the nothingness. Then, it's off once more to see the Sorcerer. The Scintillating Sorcerer of...whatever this world is called. They arrive at the castle and gain entry, waiting in the lobby for a time before the Sorcerer's Executive Assistant arrives to speak with them.

"I am...Dracu-I mean, the Sorcerer! Yeah...the Sorcerer.

He tells them that they cannot see the Sorcerer and are about to escorted out...until Quinn mentions that they're Sliders. A booming voice thunders through the room and orders them to be brought to him...after which they are taken to a large chamber and a projection of a man in a totally not Dracula get up is seen. This is apparently the Sorcerer, who hams it up as he says he must determine if they are friend or foe and will reward them for the courage of their journey by getting them home...if they do something for him.

Though he doesn't say it onscreen, a later scene has Wade wondering why the Sorcerer would want some blueprints owned by the witch doctor who treated Quinn in the beginning. Because they apparently said, "yes" to this deal, they're going back to kick the hornet's nest that they already kicked once before. They could, of course, simply wait around near the Sorcerer's place for the next slide - in fact, Arturo even suggests this.

But then we'd have no plot.

Also, Quinn being held at gunpoint by a midget bounty hunter kind of ruins any chance of that happening. Quinn's taken back to the witch doctor and strapped down for his lobotomy. The other sliders rush in and Wade tries to put her feminine wiles to use in saving him...which distracts the witch doctor just enough for Rembrandt to snatch the bounty hunter's shotgun from him and declare that he's had enough with all these motherfuckin' sorcerers on this motherfuckin' plane. The bounty hunter GTFOs at Remmy's suggestion and Quinn gets the blueprints from one of the rooms off of the main office. Whereupon Rembrandt takes out the witch doctor's pet snake, because he's had enough of...

...no, I already did that joke.

After butting the witch doctor in the head with the shotgun, the group heads out to meet the Sorcerer once again. The assistant tries to stop them, but Quinn tackles his way through and up the stairs to find...himself.

Times the Sliders Have Run into Parallel Versions of Themselves: 7

Yes, it seems that the Sorcerer of this world is Quinn Mallory. Upon seeing the blueprints, he realizes that his Executive Assistant got the plans to the witch doctor and has him thrown out of the castle. It seems that the Sorcerer is not a bad guy, very much as Prime Quinn is, just kept behind his staff that apparently wish to preserve the mystique of his moniker.

As Wade later puts it, he's become a prisoner of his own success. Not originally from this world, he worked with his former business partner to bring supplies in from other worlds to sell in this one - muscling out all the shamans and other magically inclined types who had dominated the market before. Hence why the witch doctor wanted the Slide machine in the first place.

And, true to his word, Sorcerer Quinn promises to try and get them home. Our Quinn and Arturo do some technobabble which basically translates to the Sorcerer basically taking the "Reality is a giant roulette wheel" idea Quinn had and simply stopping the wheel on the appropriate slot. The portal is opened and, after some goodbyes, they all slide through, appearing in San Francisco during the day time and in front of a strikingly familiar house...

Quivering with anticipation, they realize that the next slide is in less than a minute. So to test if this is their Earth, Quinn heads over to his front gate. If you remember from "Pilot", the gate squeaks when opened, something that had been the case since Quinn was twelve. He opens the gate...but to his dismay, it doesn't squeak. Not their Earth once again. All discouraged, they open the portal at the appropriate time and slide through...only for Quinn's mother and the family gardener to come out as soon as the portal closes.

As it turns out, they were on their Earth...the gardener just fixed the gate. Mrs. Mallory is still quite saddened by the disappearance of her son, though the gardener tries to comfort her that Quinn will be back some day...some day...

It may just be because I had so many of the gripes I did about season one, but I really like this episode. I explained my view on the whole "magic vs. science" debate at the beginning, and the writers apparently were thinking somewhat similarly with their writing. Though the world is apparently as much science-based as our own, enough people have been selling mysticism for it to still be the coin of the realm. Until the end, we don't really know if anything is really magical or not.

In the ending, Sorcerer Quinn outright states that the shamans and witch doctors are all crackpots who had been controlling people through superstition. Mind you, that doesn't explain how the seer was able to so accurately predict the plight of the Sliders - which is not followed up on, by the way. But that's one minor niggle in what is otherwise a very solid episode. The Sliders actually show some logical thinking, such as Arturo bringing up that these should just take to hiding out for a few days until the slide when faced with having to deal with the witch doctor again.

The whole thing has a very Wizard of Oz feel to it, and not just because it completely rips off the plot of that film more or less - at least the final act. But really, the entire show has had that vibe. Consider in "Pilot", when the group is forced to make a slide to avoid the ice-nado. What is it that sends Dorothy to Oz from Kansas? A tornado. And who does she go to see in order to try and get back home? The wizard. Or, in the case of the Sliders, the Sorcerer - a rather nice, if somewhat shy man hiding behind a persona of absolute power and authority.

I'm inclined to be nicer to this episode since the Pilot did technically set up that feeling and it's an intentional homage (I strongly believe) rather than some of the utterly shameless rip-offs that we'll be getting in later episodes. It's a good episode on its own and a great start to the season. Let's hope that trend continues when we return next time, where the most dangerous (and wanted) game is man...literally...

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

MadCap's Game Review - "Rocketgirl"

...what the fu-?!

...what in the hell did I just play?

No, I'm asking, because I'm utterly and completely confused by this. Okay, I'm not confused as to what it is - blatant fanservice that is supposed to tingle the willies of everybody with a controller at the prospect of a full, jiggly boob up against a phallic object masquerading as a game. It's rather the same problem I have with the Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball games, I don't care how ridiculously and wondrously plump and bouncy the breasts are, they aren't going to distract me from the fact that your game sucks.

Basically, you are Ms. Fanservice riding around on a rocket from the left side of the screen to the right. From my assumption, the object of the game is to gather points, which would be much easier if the game wasn't so much of a fustercluck. Play more than twenty seconds into the game, and the screen quickly becomes so clustered with just...everything...that it becomes impossible to work out what's going on. Challenge is one thing, but even within the first few seconds of playing I encountered several problems.

Namely, it's difficult to tell what's harmful and what isn't, which is a major no-no in games of this nature. Given the fast pace, I need to know from the jump what is dangerous and what I can interact with. If I don't, I'll be dying and restarting the level a lot. And restart the level a lot I did, though I often found myself amazed or confused when I did die, as the hit detection seems to be all over the place. I can't tell when I've been hit or if I'm being hit, until Ms. Fanservice falls off her rocket and the game tells me that it's Game Over.

And that's pretty much all I can glean from this. I feel like I'm somehow playing a Baz Luhrmann movie...but with gigantic Earth-shaking boobage. I've seen comparisons to Lollipop Chainsaw, but I really don't think that's all that fair. Juliet Starling, for all of her fanservice, was a strong, determined female character who the player never saw in any situation where we thought she might need to be saved. In fact, she was generally level-headed (as level headed as you can be being a zombie hunter regardless of gender) and in control of virtually every situation, using her chainsaw to kick all of the asses.

But Rocketgirl? She's fanservice put onto fanservice flying around in an indiscernible mess that is apparently very hard, but fails to make anything very hard.

Ha!

Rocketgirl is now available from SoftwareByEugene on the Xbox Live Arcade.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

MadCap's Trailer Reactions - "Fallout 4"

No, seriously this time.

...yeah, I have nothing on this but just shaking from the sheer joy at the prospect of playing another Fallout game. Those that had followed me will know my love for Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas and (most of) their respective DLCs. I literally cannot even give a proper analysis of it because I am sitting here typing this and doing my best to not fall over trembling from the sheer awesome.

...don't look at your screen like that. If you aren't feeling it, you clearly haven't watched the trailer!

So come back once you've done that.

...

...

...

...

...back? Good. WASN'T THAT FREAKING AWESOME?!

Okay, so we've had no gameplay features shown, but we see some frightfully damn pretty scenic shots, the revelation of Vault 111, and...a voiced protagonist? Entirely possible, though it would be interesting to see that in a Bethesda game seeing as that really isn't their MO. Still, it worked well enough for Isaac Clarke for one game, so maybe that will also do well here?

I'm taking the cautious optimism route, and I know that I've been fooled by shiny things before, but this is Bethesda. They have never let me down...well, they at least keep most of their promises...

...well, they're not Randy Pitchford, are they?!

Fallout 4 has just been announced by Bethesda Softworks. It will be available on Xbox One, Playstation 4, and PC.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

From MadCap's Couch - "Sliders: Luck of the Draw"

"There's no such thing as something for nothing, Mr. Brown..."

Imagine a world completely at peace. No poverty. No war. No racial strife. Not a single person in want of anything. It sounds like the idea utopia. However, like many Utopian societies in fiction, there is always a dark and twisted underside to allow the bread and circuses to keep running smoothly for the masses. It'd be something you'd expect to see crafted by a master of the written word such as Rod Serling in a Twilight Zone episode.

Unfortunately, I got stuck seeing it in an episode of Sliders - poor, poor bastard that I am.

We kick off the final episode of Season One with the Sliders sliding into a world just as I've described. Of course, in the beginning they don't know of the second part - otherwise we wouldn't have the very obvious twist that in the latter half of the episode. It's a picture of tranquility - prices are low, cars are available to anyone as public transportation, and a lottery machine that will just give out money! Wow! I can't believe there's really a world that...alright, fine, I'll stop with the sarcasm in regards to the very obvious plot twist that I already spoiled.

We get a voiceover from Wade as she's apparently keeping a journal of the group's experiences...that is never shown or mentioned after this episode...and they're all finding Super Happy Pleasant World to be super, happy, and pleasant. Go figure! And as I described above, the world is indeed a wonderful utopia. And to kick off the plot, the group finds a lottery machine which Arturo inquires about, learning that apparently it does indeed give free money and the more someone uses it  the more chances they have to win.

Arturo warns the group that there's no such thing as something for nothing, but they are not dissuaded. Nonetheless, Arturo takes measly five dollars while Wade gets one thousand dollars and Rembrandt pulls a cool 5K. As they leave, one of the pedestrians passing by notes how he admires those high rollers...maybe they rest in peace...

...because that's not ominous at all.

"What're you doing, Quinn?" "Looking for some cheese for your whine..."

So after the title sequence, the Sliders have gotten themselves a picnic basket and are enjoying the beautiful Rocking Horse world before it cracks and they see the rotten core within. In Golden Gate Park (or what is made up for us to believe as Golden Gate Park  because Canada), Quinn gets some exposition from a magazine about how there's only five hundred million people in the entire world, Arturo theorizing that having ten percent of the population of their Earth is likely why things are so idyllic on this Earth.

Ignoring the very first red flag that admittedly anyone could have missed seeing pop up, Quinn and Wade decide to go horseback riding while Arturo and Rembrandt take up the ancient and noble sport of fishing. The fishing is a bit of comedic filler while more depth and time is given to Wade and Quinn's horseback riding...where Quinn hits his head on a branch and gets knocked off his horse. Rather than, say, take Quinn to a hospital for the concussion he likely has, Wade decides to treat the wound and they have a little flirty moment while resting against a log.

In what is a rather good scene, Wade expresses the thought that they might stay here in this San Francisco since they may never truly get home and it would be better to be stuck somewhere they know is good instead of somewhere terrible like some of the worlds. While Quinn tries to refute this, saying that she can't just want to stay here after one day and some pretty scenery, but she just drops the subject out of irritation. It's very clear that, although she greatly misses home, she'll be happy to take something almost as good.

Later on, the Sliders gather around the Almighty TV of Exposition, with a news report about the President attending the reopening of the Thomas Malthus Center for Sexual Ethics and Education. Arturo gets a bit to explain who Thomas Malthus is and the man's theory on the relationship between population growth and available resources.

...go Google him, you can't expect me to do all the work for you.

We get a funny scene of Rembrandt and Arturo's catches having been made into dinner before the Lottery comes on and they go through the raffle of contestants, selecting twelve who will not only get a  five million dollar prize but will also get a "White Card" which apparently will get them anything their heart desires. And because the Sliders having a nice, leisurely time for the next two days would be rather boring and cost money - the plot kicks in and Wade is selected as one of the Big Winners.

And much like the winners of Silver Shamrock's big giveaway circa 1982, I'm sure that Wade will get everything her heart desires and more.

The group is taken by limo and are given an extended explanation of what Wade will be going through...minus the fact that they're going to kill her. Apparently, the White Card is a "Screw the rules, I have money!" card and Wade only has to show it to a shopkeeper and she can have anything her heart desires. Rather surprisingly, this raises a red flag for nobody for Quinn, who when told it is a "thank you" from merchants bothers to ask "for what?" And, of course - since the twist can't be revealed - he is told that it's simply for playing the Lottery.

What follows is a montage that is practically begging for "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" to be played over it as we get scenic shots of San Francisco shops (or rather, what we're supposed to think are San Francisco shops, because Canada) intercut with scenes of Wade and the gang at various shops before coming to a dress shop where several models - male and female - are modeling a collection for her. However Quinn is less than impressed  and one of the other winners has come to join their merry group, Rembrandt taking an out of nowhere shine to her.

Quinn gives up his chair to her and steps out to be pursued by Wade. He brings up the very rightful notion that none of this adds up - as Arturo put it in the beginning of the episode, there's no such thing as something for nothing. However, due to Wade (and everyone else who isn't Quinn having the Idiot Ball for this episode), she believes that Quinn's just worried that she'll stick around on this Earth...and for some stupid reason he doesn't try to talk sense to her.

That evening, the Winner's Ball is in full swing. Though Arturo notices that security is rather tight for such a gathering, nobody questions when Rembrandt's date - Julianne - claims it's to protect them from the "right to lifers", More on that later, but as for the current moment everyone heads out to dance save for Wade, who gets pulled aside by the Lottery Announcer to sign some forms that - in spite of being designated as "next of kin" and "beneficiaries" word for word - don't raise any alarm bells with Wade.

This afternoon, he abused Discount Kate Winslet, Wade. Seriously.

That could be, of course, because Wade falls for the charms of discount Billy Zane from Titanic. And yes, I'm aware he actually has a name, but I'm still going to call him Discount Billy Zane. Billy is another winner who Wade apparently falls right for the charms of and forgets all about her minor squabble with Quinn (for the moment) and goes to dance.

Rembrandt and Julianne share a moment on the dance floor. They're getting all lovey dovey when Julianne drops the bombshell that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him...Rembrandt thinking there's something more there and not knowing the fact that she'll be dead in the morning.

So yes, after one dance, Rembrandt has fallen in love. Because the plot says so.

Cue clip from Frozen here.

Back in the land of the not so ritzy, Quinn is loaded down with books when he's accosted by a priest who is one of the "Right to Lifers" mentioned earlier who gives him a pamphlet about stopping the Lottery...whereupon the writer finally allows Quinn to catch up with the big twist that the audience has already figured out by now. He rushes to go in and save Wade.

While Rembrandt gets himself a little of the strange just off the dance floor, Wade and Billy have discussion about poetry and their respective lives and the goals they wanted to achieve. Apparently, Billy - among other things - paddled the Amazon and climbed Mount Everest, deciding that there was nothing left but the Lottery after that. And, of course, Wade takes this to mean winning it on their world and so isn't remotely concerned about asking any questions in spite of his ominous tone.

"No, you don't understand, I'm on the list! ...Jerry O'Connell? I was in Stand By Me, damn it!"

Arturo and the Lottery Man have a discussion where Arturo waxes about the positives of this world, though the Lottery Man calls himself a hypocrite because he's afraid of death. Arturo doesn't quite catch his meaning but because the writers don't think the audience has caught onto their incredibly subtle foreshadowing, Quinn rushes in to spill the beans after dealing with security.

And the beans he does spill telling Arturo that the Lottery is indeed not all sunshine and rainbows as they've been told - it's a form of population control. Also - Soylent Green is people, Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze, and Rosebud was his sled. But the fact remains that Wade will die the next morning unless they're able to get her out of there on the Slide.

They inform Rembrandt and Wade as well, the former of which suggesting that the Right to Lifers are maybe just crackpots and the whole thing isn't a mass genocide. Quinn brings up that they're all Nobel prize winners and philosophers...and I'm almost sure we had an episode this very season about intellectualism and good morals not necessarily being in the same camp, though in this particular episode Quinn happens to be right.

Quinn plans to jailbreak Wade and run to the hills (and for her life), but they can't - Wade's every move is being shadowed until the party later that night. As she heads off to dance with Billy, Rembrandt asks if he can bring someone along. Quinn explains that bringing someone else might put a strain on the already on the fritz timer, but he'll see what he can do.

"I know what you are." "Say it...say it out loud." "...a Slider..."

Afterwards, Quinn and Arturo share a drink at the hotel lounge and wax philosophic about the Lottery. Quinn sees it as barbaric, as does Arturo from a moralistic standpoint. However, he notes that millions die every year on their Earth through war, famine, and disease caused in part by a lack of population control. Here, people can volunteer to die and their beneficiaries will be richly compensated for it. Morally it's highly questionable, but one can't argue with the results: a generally happy and safe populace.

Meanwhile, the winners have their toast and both Wade and Rembrandt meet with their respective love interests to tell them about the potential escape plan. Rembrandt tells Julianne that he sees a future with her, but she takes it to mean he wants to die with her. After their discussion that apparently takes place offscreen, he calls up Quinn in their room to tell him that she's apparently completely onboard with the plan of leaving. She claims to have gone upstairs to pack...and if you're seeing where this is going, then you don't need eyeglasses.

Meanwhile, Wade and Billy take a stroll through the garden and discuss her relationship with Quinn and share an awkward kiss before Wade decides to go for broke and tell him about the Slide. As it turns out, however, subverting the Lottery gets you a slow, painful death. There's also a Lottery Police that enforces things, and sirens dictate that they're on their way. Though Wade offers to take him along with them on the slide, Billy - as predicted - wants nothing to do with any of this and heads off as the cops arrive.

Up at Julianne's room, Rembrandt learns the harsh lesson that evil will always triumph because good is dumb as he walks into a trap set by the fuzz. Julianne has apparently called the cops who are none too happy with him even talking of subverting. Apparently, Julianne believes he's off his nut and thinks he needs help. Which, admittedly, is one of the first times we've seen someone have a rational reaction to what the Sliders have told them. But instead of dragging him away to a dark, cold cell somewhere, Julianne wants the pair of them to die together.

...Death is not a form of psychological therapy, lady! What are you, a Scientologist?!

Quinn and Arturo are just now hearing the sirens with the plot needing to go into the "Last Ten Minutes" mode. With the Slide getting closer, they decide to go out and retrieve Wade and Rembrandt.

Meanwhile, Julianne is prepared for another slide - this time into the Great Beyond. Rembrandt is brought in by the cops at her request and she speaks about how Rembrandt is afraid of death and she wants him to not be afraid. Apparently "fear is what kills, love is forever."

Wow...all the depth of Twilight.

To emphasize her point, Julianne downs a vial of poison and dies with Rembrandt holding her hand. It's a scene that's supposed to be dramatic and sad and it just doesn't come across as that for reasons I'll get into in a minute. Needless to say, before her corpse is even cold the cops drag him off to be processed - that is tortured until death for subverting the system.

"I didn't break the law! I AM THE LAW!!!!"

Now firmly past the ten minutes to go mark, Wade returns to the room telling Arturo that they "need to walk the dog" (the first creature they encountered was a dog at the beginning of the episode that Wade took a liking to) and gestures that the room might be bugged. Outside, they learn of Rembrandt's arrest and arrive in time to see him dragged out. Surprisingly, Wade doesn't try to use her status as a Winner in order to protect him for just a bit longer because...reasons?

Quinn arrives and thinks Billy Zane sold them out, but Quinn knows where they're taking Rembrandt so he and Arturo go - reasoning that Wade needs to stay so they don't think she's trying to escape.

Rembrandt gets a scene in the back of a prison van going off on a video recording. Apparently the man on the recording somehow knows what happens right before reaching the Great Beyond but not what the end result is. If they know more on this world, why don't they know more? What sort of religion exists on this world? Arturo's comments earlier Thomas Malthus point to their being at least some form of Christianity, but what of other religions? And what is the dominate religion here? These questions are neither explained nor approached and it doesn't matter because we have the last five minutes to go.

At the Processing Center, the Right to Lifers have gathered en masse to protest. Quinn and Arturo show up and Quinn's fortune cookie quotations from "The Prince of Wails" help to stir the already enraged crowd to attack the van and Rembrandt is freed, their escape cut short in their vehicle presumably because of budget (presumably the same reason why a SWAT team doesn't show up to deal with the protesters) and they crash into another car. Miraculously, none of them are phased by it and hightail it out of there on their unmolested limbs.

Back at Casa di Killin' Folk, Wade is hiding in the ballroom with the dog when its barking attracts the Lottery Man and one of the guards who somehow immediately know that Wade is hiding in there. Rather than doing the smart thing and letting the dog go so that they might think the dog had just been trapped in there by mistake, Wade lets herself get captured. However, it's Billy to the rescue as he takes out the guard and then the Announcer with a fire extinguisher to the face!

Apparently, he is actually completely on board with getting the hell out of here.

With less than a minute to go, Quinn and company arrive and Quinn pulls a The Graduate on a door to aid in their escape. Wade opens the vortex and they head through one by one until only Quinn and Billy remain. He urges Billy through just as the door gets broken one. A guard manages to fire off a shot at Quinn before he escapes into the vortex and it seals behind him...leading to the group emerging in a bright, sunny field. All seems well...until Quinn collapses. Touching his back, Wade withdraws her hands to reveal there's blood on them...despite the fact we saw a shot of him from behind as he left the Vortex and there was not a single sign of an entry wound.

The episode, and season one, closes out with Wade getting a big, hammy "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" and the credits roll.

I won't sugar coat it, this really isn't a great episode. It's not even a good episode. It's certainly not the worse we've seen yet - and trust me there are plenty, plenty more to come - but as an individual unit it has way too many glaring flaws.

"HACK THE PLANET! HACK THE PLANET!"

The first, and probably the biggest one is the liberal use of the Idiot Ball. The Idiot Ball, for the uninitiated, is a plot device where a character is stupid or ignorant of something for the sake of a plot and is very, very rarely ever used in any way that makes sense. The Sliders are not familiar with this world and, while they don't want to draw too much attention to themselves by seeming out of place, they don't even ask the most rudimentary questions about where they are and how things work.

This in particular comes up with the Lottery. The only person to have any suspicions aroused before the big twist is Quinn. Now, I would make a joke that it doesn't take a physics student to see when something is not okay with the utopia, but one of the people here is a Nobel laureate physics professor. But even Wade and Rembrandt could have very easily asked basic questions in certain situations. A big example of this is that no one, and I mean no one (even Quinn), bothers to ask who the Right to Lifers are or what they stand for.

When they ask about the Lottery and why the White Card can get Wade anything she wants, apparently being told "it's a thank you for playing the lottery" has an ever-so-sinister edge to it but nobody calls the Lottery Man out on it or does any follow up questions that a normal person would do just out of habit. Even though Arturo did say in the beginning that there's no such thing as something for nothing (word for word, in fact), he says nothing either and is as shocked as everyone but the audience when the twist comes up.

Now does that mean I expect the people of the Earth their on to just come out and tell them everything? Of course not, because they believe the Sliders to be from their world and so they'd assume that that would be common knowledge to them. But the point is that the Sliders are supposed to be observing and learning about the cultures that they visit whilst trying to get home, and that involves being curious and asking questions...which they don't really do here. And the only reason that they don't is because the writers think their being so incredibly clever with their "subtlety" and don't realize that the audience can pick up context clues.

I also heavily criticize Rembrandt's "romance" with Julianne. I also criticized his romance in "The Weaker Sex", but that was played for comedy (or, at least, that's what was intended) whereas this is supposed to be completely serious and dramatic. Giving Cleavant Derricks his due, scenes where Rembrandt puts aside his want of fame and fortune and actually has some moments with gravitas are awesome. The problem is that there's no real reason for this. Sadness at a human life's loss? Sure. But proclaiming your love for a woman after dancing with her once and thinking you have some sort of future together? He's known her for all of one day. One. Day. Completely ridiculous, even for this show.

And while it doesn't have to do with Rembrandt, this is something that I will be heavily criticizing in later seasons...but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I also still have so many questions about how religions work on this Earth. Being that the Lottery is a form of population control and we know that Christianity existed in some form on this world, I wonder that - if that religion still exists (which it does seeing as one of the Right to Lifers is dressed as a priest) - is "thou shall not kill" restricted more to a vague guideline than an actual commandment. And what about other religions? It's clear that the people of this Earth believe in an afterlife - but do the volunteers get a free pass into Heaven for their sacrifice or what?

And I'm sure there are plenty of other questions that could be brought up about this entire thing. But the episode doesn't even dip a toe into the pool of addressing them.

If you wanna see this story done way way better, read "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson. It's a story that's very similar to this one, but lacking in any of the extra baggage or pretentiousness that this episode drowns itself in. Not a good episode and, even with the cliffhanging bringing in a nice bookend for the cliffhanger in the Pilot episode's first part, not a great place to end the first Season. Of course, this was a season of only nine episodes. It's still early days for the fledgling series, so perhaps they need a little more time.

Come back soon when we see if they improve in Season Two...

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.