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| Carried off by a bunch of women without saying a word, now that is Crying Man style! |
And out of all of those tales of escapist fiction...this is one of them.
We begin on a fisherman's wharf where the Sliders come through their wormhole with some banter. Wade checks the timer and discovers they're there for three days, six hours. Quinn notes that the air smells far better than a fisherman's wharf on their world, and Rembrandt (like the true Lothario he is) notes the amount of fine looking ladies roaming about. They pass a sign for the "Brooks Sisters" and Wade notes that it seems they've landed on an Earth where women have broken through the glass ceiling.
...which we already had last season.
...and it was a terrible, anvilicious episode that failed to paint literally anyone in a good light.
A little girl leaving a shop notices Rembrandt and is shocked for a moment before running off. Arturo, meanwhile, has taken to examining the children's toys with the reasoning that one can learn a lot about a culture by how the children are entertained. The display is shown with no guns or war toys (though apparently Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat is part of a tea party set). They're distracted from any further thought on this, however, by a crowd of women who had gathered and are all gawking at them.
The Sliders attempt to flee as the group of women charges after them, but they are soon swarmed with the group taking special notice of Rembrandt, Quinn, and Arturo and trying to carry them off as the all-female police call for backup to deal with the situation. Taken in by the cops as "escaped breeders", Arturo theorizing due to seeing no men in the police station besides the three Sliders themselves that they could have landed on a world of no men. They are pulled aside by a detective who puts all three of them in an interrogation room.
Apparently, the police believe them to have escaped from "the Virus". The three joke around about this, which leaves the detective just not amused at all. Before she can interrogate further, a Doctor Morris enters and puts the whole matter to bed. She orders a transport to the "Center" and then promptly storms out, leaving the three male Sliders confused.
On the ride over, Morris explains that she's from the "Bureau of Repopulation". At the gates of the Center they deal with reporters while the camera pans over to reveal a woman in a sedan not far off speaking on an early 90s cell phone and telling someone "they've got three more". Apparently, she's working with the detective from earlier, who has traced Wade to the Dominion Hotel.
At the Hotel, Wade finds out there are no available rooms thanks to the Repopulation Center taking samples, and so she gathers at the Almighty Television of Exposition to get some of the good stuff and gets caught up with where Quinn, Arturo, and Rembrandt are in the plot, leaving as the women fawn over their images on the TV screen.
Back at the ranch, Quinn goes through a physical and is told he'll be put in "five times in the first week" and they'll see how he does. Morris also tells him when he brings up that the group will be leaving in a few days that he'd best change his plans - they're going to be here for a while.
Arturo heads into the gym to find a "Breeder of the Month" board and the current Breeder of the Month, Trevor Grant, slapping people's asses with a towel because...establishing antagonist moment? Apparently, he's has 215 confirmed pregnancies for the month of February alone.
What the hell are they feeding the breeders in this center? Meth?!
Arturo rightly calls the man an idiot, but Rembrandt and Quinn show up and they decided to work off some steam by taking a steam. Also, Quinn gets the opportunity to drop some exposition. On this world, the Iraqi Army dropped a viral agent that attacked the Y Chromosome. As Arturo puts it, however, some will always survive the infection and thus there are still men, but they are in short supply. The men are all captive here and forced to repopulate the species.
...oh, no. They're all kept in one place and only have to have sex. What an utter travesty.
If you couldn't tell by my biting sarcasm, I have little sympathy. However, Quinn notes that they only have fifty nine hours before the Slide (because there's better than saying two days and some change, I guess) and that they need to get a message to Wade...and find a way out of here. One of their fellow steam room dwellers confides in them about the security, a bit of history (another world where Australia is at war with the U.S. - what is with this obsession?), and the fact that his wife and sister are planning on breaking him out. He offers them a place in the escape attempt, and they take it.
Thus, they make a Shawshank Redemption. There is an admittedly tense moment where they're nearly caught by a patrol, but soon all the guards are distracted when a blonde woman makes her way through the security checkpoint and distracts them all. The group and their new friend have some difficulty getting over the wall surrounding the facility, but eventually make it to the friend's wife's car and she drives them off...but not before the taillights are spotted by one guard who calls it in...
The next morning, the group is hiding out at the house of the new friend, named David rather suddenly because the writers failed to actually say his name before. His wife, Diana, apparently had her application rejected on the basis that she was neither young or pretty enough by the Center and they've been planning a jailbreak ever since.
So apparently, the Eugenics Wars are bound to happen on this world due to the government apparently caring more about creating the master race than saving humanity from extinction. Just Godwin this episode right up, writers!
They plan to make a run for Mexico later on, though Quinn politely declines the offer of going with them and asks Diana if she can locate a friend for them - obviously Wade. Wade, who is still at the Dominion and is being pursued by the woman from way earlier. The woman from the sedan earlier comes up and speaks to her about the injustices that the breeders suffer, hinting that she works with others who want to help them and would like to get a message to them...before Wade gets interrupted by a phone call. She listens in as Wade speaks to one of her fellow sliders.
Back in the hiding place, Rembrandt makes a commentary on TV on this world (referencing several shows that are far better than this one), and Quinn has a scene with Diana where she questions him about Wade and tells him the risk is very high so she clearly must be worth the effort they're putting into getting back to her. Before Quinn can answer, however, David runs in and forwards the plot concerning a waystation they'll travel to.
In a short aside, Arturo reveals through his reading that this world apparently knows nothing of alternative breeding methods such as in-vitro fertilization or donor eggs. Interesting to note and it does explain quite a lot. Before we can muse further on that, Quinn decides to go out after Wade in spite of the fact this is a really, really stupid idea...which Arturo and Rembrandt are only too happy to call him out on. They also point out that, if the government has Wade, they also have the timer and they could very well be stuck on that world.
Wade, however, has not been caught and is sneaking her way to the address in question. However, Wade doesn't have the timer, thinking that the others had it. They call her out on it and she reveals that she was only joking. Introductions are made, but then the fuzz arrives because Wade - in spite of fearing that she was being followed - led them straight to the place instead of trying to shake them off. The group decides to pull an Anne Frank and hide in the cellar, The cops rush up and there is, again, admittedly some real tension as the cop even finds the wardrobe where they're all hiding...but doesn't find them.
Downstairs, Diana puts on a brave face as the cops tell her they have a search warrant - which makes me wonder how they got a search warrant so quickly for an address they didn't know they were going to - and all seems like the cops are about to leave empty handed...until the most terrible of all crimes that a man could possibly commit is discovered.
SOMEONE LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP!
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YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! OH, GODDAMN YOU!!!!
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However, the group is attacked by a force sent to bring the men back. Quinn has bad luck for the second time with his shoulder and gets hit by a tranquilizer dart. Arturo stays behind to help him escape, and he gets hit more effectively for his trouble and knocked out while the others make tracks. While Rembrandt, David, and Wade have gone one way, however, Quinn goes another and is nearly run over by a woman in a compact who tells him to get in before driving away.
The next morning, he wakes in the woman's mountain retreat. She introduces herself as Jane Hills, apparently she's a very prominent baker even on Quinn's world as he mentioned his mother loved her coffee cake. Apparently, the Virus killed her husband and left her alone. However, Quinn suddenly remembers that Arturo got captured and resolves to leave. Jane offers to help him out, letting him know that none of his friends were recaptured. When Quinn says he can't pay her back for her help, she hints that he...can...
We cut away to somewhere else in San Francisco, however, where the group is gathered around the TV. They discuss just who might have taken Quinn and Arturo, David bringing up the Australian M7 as a potential candidate for their attackers. Wade questions about where they might have been taken, and so the target becomes the Australian Consulate.
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| A man dressed in women's clothing. San Francisco's the same on any world. |
Back at...wherever the others ended up, Rembrandt is thrown into a dress for the sake of a disguise (and comedy), but refuses to shave his mustache so Wade puts a shawl over his head to cover it. After Rembrandt learns to walk like a woman, they say their goodbyes to David as we now go into the "last ten minutes of the episode" mode. They get to the Consulate and Wade rolls a successful Bluff check to get Rembrandt in, but Arturo screws the pooch by banging on his window and not having the common sense to realize that a rescue attempt is going on - since the Idiot Ball missed being used.
The woman from earlier who spoke of helping the breeders makes an appearance here, apparently an Australian national. Pressed for time, Wade demands to see Arturo and Quinn or they'll get none of Rembrandt...only to be told they have no idea who Quinn is. They are taken by the Aussies and told they'll be shipped off to the Pacific. Wade, instead, bluffs and claims she can get them Trevor Grant, America's most beloved breeder - Oh, so that's why he was established as a character nearly thirty minutes ago and then never showed up onscreen after that. Got it.
Man, Chekov's Gun is getting some distance! Woo!
But the Australians listen in, curious as to Wade's plan so they listen in instead of shoving her into the car. Back in the Thomas Kincade painting that Quinn's been tossed into, he learns from Jane (who he has apparently not had sex with yet) that no one has heard anything. She offers him a place to stay, but he refuses. She's also adamant about having a child, even if he's not in the picture as he won't be because of the Slide.
Wade, in the meantime, has returned to David and has told him the plan. He's skeptical, but Wade eventually gets his help. Wade also then meets with Dr. Morris and the Detective, telling them about the deal with the Australians - Trevor Grant and Diana for the others. She gets refused, and then Wade brings up that Trevor could be put on the Disabled List. Unable to call the bluff, they seemingly agree to the terms.
It seems that Wade has screwed over both the Australians and the Americans, however, rigging their exchange to take place under a specific bridge. According to Arturo, the slide will occur in six minutes. They are ushered away by their respective parties, but it seems that Wade has a plan as David whispers to Diana for her to wait for his signal. When the Detective and Dr. Morris are distracted by bad radio connection, they dart for the van that Rembrandt and Arturo have been forced into and it takes off.
Wade is driving. When Rembrandt brings up the fact that Quinn is still not among them, Wade just tells him to believe in miracles. No doubt the same advice the writer of this episode took while trying to reinsert Quinn into the plot.
Somehow, Quinn and Jane have made their way to the park and to the statue where they are to meet the others. With just over a minute to go before the episode ends, Wade opens the vortex and drives the van right into it. Quinn gives a wordless goodbye to Jane and leaps through himself, leaving both the Detective and Doctor Morris utterly confused.
Though we do not see where the Sliders plus David and Diana and an entire van ended up, we do get a last scene of Jane looking fondly at a picture of Quinn with what I assume to be a heartwarming tune playing over it.
This episode is a real mess, the pacing is what kills it, though not for the usual reason. Going back over the episode again, I kept in mind the mention of how much time the group has on this world as I often do whenever it's actually brought up in dialogue. In the beginning, they mention they have a little over three days. Going back through the scenes, I found that the pacing was off but not in the usual way for the show. Instead of cramming too much into too few scenes, they stretched it out quite a bit and it feels more like a week or possibly even longer instead of just three days.
And the reason I say this is that, like it did in other episodes, the lighting changes rather sporadically from scene to scene. Such as one scene that clearly takes place during the day and then another in the dead of night on what should be the third day, meaning they would have likely missed the Slide and been stuck on this work for twenty-nine years until the next gate opened.
What also bothers me in this is Quinn's subplot with Jane. Beyond the implications of Quinn impregnating her and leaving a child behind (which it's left ambiguous as to whether or not he actually did), it feels hilariously tacked on and serves to do nothing except keep him out of the main plot until literally the last minute of the episode, for reasons I can't quite figure out. And these are really the only two things that drag the episode down, but beyond them it's not all bad.
The Sliders, again, are showing some thinking that involves more than two brain cells and for once the plot isn't haranguing a message down our throats, so I'm inclined to be kind to it even if it could have used a few more rewrites.
It's not really good, not really bad. Just a rather middle of the road story to fill the time from cradle to grave. A "meh" seal of apathy from me for it.
For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.
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