From MadCap's Couch - "Doctor Who: School Reunion"

"Fan girls...please see Mr. Hartnell after class. No, you don't get me."

So, in the cold open for this episode, Giles goes full Ripper on a kid. Having returned to his native England after the events of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Giles has taken a position as Head Master (which is why I assume people thought he'd be the Master?) and, meeting a child outside of his office who was sent by the nurse - and finding out she has no family - Giles invites the child into his office...and then eats her.

And somewhere, Ethan Rayne giggles and he doesn't know why.

And no, that won't be a joke through this entire review. Anthony Head is in here, but this is where the Buffy jokes stop.

The episode, however, does not. At the very school where the child was made into a Happy Meal, the Doctor is posing as a science teacher (sadly not affecting the personality of Ian Chesterton for shits and giggles) while Rose is working in the kitchens. The Doctor quizzes some of his students, one in particular able to answer any question he puts forward to them, even to the point of asking about faster than light travel. The Doctor is rather amazed.

After some flirting with Mickey that we know is going to go nowhere because Rose wants the Doctor to reverse her polarity, Rose witnesses a group of employees in hazmat suits bringing in a special oil. When one gets covered in the oil, someone insists that they're fine and dismisses Rose...not fearing her, say, going to the police or perhaps putting her on their hit list and thus out of my misery.

Apart from that bit of weirdness, the TARDIS team has come here to look into some far above average test scores coming out of the school - in particular the Doctor noting that something's up with the chips (fries for us American folk), but Rose doesn't seem to have a problem with them. This has also caught the attention of one Sarah Jane Smith, played by the late great Elizabeth Sladen. Let me go ahead and get this out of the way now, I may have started in the Christopher Eccleston era and we'll be getting to my favorite companion from the new series soon enough, but Sarah Jane is my favorite overall companion - Old Series or New. She has known multiple incarnations of the Doctor, she seems to have an almost flawless chemistry with anyone she's onscreen with, and she absolutely kicks ass and takes names.

In short, Sarah Jane is what Russell T. Davies wants you to think that Rose is.

As a journalist, of course, she claims to be writing a piece of the school's headmaster - Mr. Finch. There is an utterly beautiful scene where the Doctor meets Sarah Jane and gives her his alias of John Smith, her mentioning that she used to have a friend who went by that name. David Tennant is a well-known fan of Doctor Who, having grown up watching the Fourth Doctor and Sarah Jane's time on the show in particular. His absolute adoration of her is widely apparent in every single scene he's in with her, but this one and the one immediately following it more than other.

That night, she and the TARDIS team separately break into the school to investigate. The Doctor sends Mickey and Rose off to investigate separately after they discover some bats in the belfry - the aliens in question. Sarah Jane attempts to break into Finch's office and, when she realizes she's being watched, darts off into the gym...and finds the TARDIS. I know that Murray Gold's score for the first few seasons of New Who gets a lot of grief for various reasons, but the chorus and eerie tune that play over the scene of Sarah finding the TARDIS is possibly one of the greatest and most memorable moments in the Revived Series.

"Hey, do I have something in my teeth?"

Utterly shocked by what she's found, she backs away...and meets the Doctor. They exchange some dialogue, the Doctor mentioning that he's regenerated half a dozen times since they'd last met. Before Moffat's retcon with the War Doctor, this was taken to mean the Fourth Doctor back in the mid 1970s. With the retcon, it's the Fifth Doctor, meaning that the Doctor at least retains some memory of the 20th anniversary special, The Five Doctors, even if Sarah doesn't, which is sort of implied here.

Of course, Doctor Who canon is the Gordian knot of all Gordian knots, so who knows what the truth is?

After hearing a scream, they rush to find Mickey being attacked by vacuum-packed rats...and Rose and Sarah Jane meet for the first time. Naturally, since Russell T. Davies wants to make Rose look as good as possible, he has Sarah Jane fire the first shot with a snide remark. Rose retorts with a snide remark. The only problem with this being that Sarah Jane is awesome and Rose Tyler is a person who should have been kicked off the TARDIS for nearly ending the world back in 1987.

No, I'm not going to let it go. Why do you ask?

Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,221

However, this does bring up a good point that was rarely ever addressed in Classic Who, if it ever was at all - what happens to companions after they leave the Doctor. Sarah Jane was forced to leave back in The Hand of Fear due to the Doctor getting a psychic summons from his home planet of Gallifrey and humans were not allowed on Gallifrey at the time. You can really feel the poignant pain as Sarah Jane asks the Doctor if she did something wrong, seeing as he never came back for her.

I really do think this episode affected how the Doctor would handle the situation with Amy and Rory in a few seasons' time, but I'll bring it up again when we get to that.

Rose asks the Doctor if that's what will happen to her, which he denies. Normally, I'd use this as an excuse to add another number to the Count, but it is a genuine concern. Not everyone who goes traveling with the Doctor has a happy ending. Some people leave him by choice, some otherwise like Sarah Jane, and some of them even die horribly to the various terrible things out in the cosmos. Sarah Jane showing up again in this shows that dying horribly might be considered a better alternative.

David Tennant and Liz Sladen have insane chemistry. I love it.

Imagine, you see the wonders of the cosmos - all the things out there to satiate desires both subtle and gross - and all the terrible things. Then you return home, where you know those things exist, but can never do anything about it. Of course, Sarah Jane didn't just rest on her laurels and instead has been doing her investigations. Her own adventures, if you will....

Sarah Jane Adventures...if you will...

And yes, I know about K-9 and Company. That's a subject for another day.

But, because this is the Russell T. Davies era and subtlety was something that was executed the moment the man took over, the Doctor all but states that he did indeed love Sarah Jane - something that was done much better in the Classic show. During the Tom Baker era in particular, the Doctor and Sarah Jane had a flawless chemistry and, even as they butted heads (and they did butt heads quite often) it was clear that they loved each other.

Flash forward to this season, and we'll end on a beach with wailing music and the Doctor and Rose foregoing any forms of subtlety for the sake of the "hopeless romance" that Series 4 is going to reveal is not so helpful, thanks Russell for wasting our time!

...but more on that later.

The Doctor manages to repair K-9 (showing us that K-9 and Company is canon with the Revived Series) and uses him to analyze some of the oil from the kitchens. The Doctor gets to exposit on the Krillitanes, a race of aliens that adapt a physical aspect from races that they conquer. Currently, they look like bats, before the Doctor mentioned they had giraffe necks. Presumably, when they conquer Earth, they'll end up looking like a bunch of crazed, xenophobic, self-destructive maniacs.

The Krillitanes do a full on Dark Brotherhood-esque "We Know" sweep over the group.

The next day, the Doctor and company head into the school. Rose and Sarah Jane go to check the computers while Mickey is set on babysitting duty with K-9. The Doctor heads in and has a conversation with Mr. Finch by the pool. Finch is shocked to find out that the Doctor is a Time Lord, believing them to have all been killed in the Time War. The Doctor makes it clear that when he figures out what the Krillitane are doing, and he doesn't like it, that he's going to stop them. Finch does not spill the beans on what their plan is, but promises that the Doctor will join them when the time comes.

Ironically, Anthony Head would have been one of my choices for
casting the Doctor.

Rose and Sarah Jane finally have it out, arguing as to who is the most experienced time traveler. Rose mentions several of her past adventures, unfortunately for her most of those are in Series 1 and were absolutely awful. Sarah Jane on the other hand only has maybe two of the things she mentions that were terrible, so again...point to Sarah Jane. And point to Rose...

Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,222

...because seriously? Who in the hell do you think you are?

But they both eventually break down and bond over some of their shared experiences in traveling with the Doctor, particularly the man himself. By the time the Doctor comes in, they're bursting into laughter much to his confusion and exasperation.

Finch, meanwhile, has the rest of the Krillitanes gather the children in the computer labs and seal up the school. The time to put their plan into action has come. One of the kids from earlier ducks out as the Krillitanes eat the rest of the human staff.

In one of the labs, the Doctor finds the computers are all deadlock sealed. Deadlock seals being a handy device that Russell T. Davies created because the sonic screwdriver is considered too powerful by some and that it cuts the tension of most episodes. I'm in the minority because it really doesn't bother me that much, but I'll get into that more at a later time. For now, the school gets sealed up, the kid runs off to get Mickey's attention, and the Krillitanes lock the kids into a computer program that has a bunch of funny glyphs flashing onscreen.

Insert Silver Shamrock joke here.

The Doctor, Rose, and Sarah Jane watch as the screens light up and the Doctor puts everything together. The glyphs are from something called the Skasis Paradigm, a mathematical equation that needs knowledge as well as imagination to solve it (for some reason) and the Krillitanes have been feeding the kids the special oil to increase their intellect so they can solve it. Finch appears and congratulates the Doctor on solving it all by offering him a place with them.

While the Doctor, at first, refutes him, Finch makes a very convincing pitch to him. With the power of the Skasis Paradigm, the Krillitanes can alter reality, but the Doctor can give them wisdom. He offers him a chance to bring back the Time Lords and to never have his companions age or die. Sarah Jane and Rose can be young, fresh, and travel with him forever. No more goodbyes. Both Anthony Head and David Tennant are absolutely astounding here, playing the tempter and the tempted, respectively. You can see in Tennant particularly an absolute thirst to gain the power to set right what once went wrong.

"No, Russell, I am not doing that with a fork!"

But Sarah Jane, the voice of reason, steps forward to break the Doctor out of his trance. Pain and loss define us as much as happiness or love, she says. Everything has its time, and everything ends. This is enough, and the Doctor refutes Finch by throwing a chair into a computer monitor.

...it doesn't actually do anything, but damn if it isn't dramatic!

Mickey finally realizes that he's in a car (as K-9 tells him several times in a comedy bit) and he rams it through the doors to get to the kid and help save the day. The Krillitanes prepare for battle, Finch telling the others to bring him the Doctor's brain. K-9 makes with the laser shooting goodness, but his batteries are failing. Getting into the science lab, the Doctor works out a solution with the oil. The kid from earlier manages to get the alarms set off, which messes up the Krillitanes and lets the group get to the kitchen.

Mickey frees the kids from the computer program and K-9 elects to remain behind to destroy the barrels since they are deadlock sealed. The Doctor tells K-9 that he is a good dog. The Krillitanes bust in not long after. K-9 fires and breaks one of the barrels, spilling it all over the aliens. Finch calls K-9 a bad dog. K-9's response?

"Affirmative."

The kitchens explode, presumably killing all the Krillitanes. The kids cheer, Sarah Jane cries for her lost dog, and it seems that all is said and done. Sometime later, Sarah comes onboard the TARDIS. The Doctor offers her a chance to travel with him again, but she declines wanting to find a life of her own. Mickey asks if he can come along, which Sarah Jane supports him in, claiming the Doctor needs a Smith onboard. Rose looks less than pleased, she wanted to have her long-distance boyfriend who was only around when she needed him.

Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,223

Sarah Jane passes some advice on to Rose, however, that she should still travel with the Doctor. "Some things," she says, "are worth getting your heart broken for." Outside, the Doctor and Sarah Jane say goodbye (but not for the last time). The Doctor asks her if she ever met anyone and she all but outright mentions him, but the implication is obviously there. She wants him to say goodbye to her and while - at first - he refuses, she is insistent and he tells her goodbye in one of the most touching moments of the episode.

THAT CLOSURE, THOUGH!

"Please, travel with me again. You're so much better than Rose."

Sarah leaves and the TARDIS dematerializes for further adventures, but not before leaving behind a brand new K-9. Overjoyed, Sarah takes K-9 home for her spinoff show, and thus we end the episode.

School Reunion is a fantastic episode. Written by Toby Whithouse, the only real problems with it are the Russell T. Davies-isms throughout, particularly trying to stack up Rose against the likes of Sarah Jane Smith as if that's even remotely a fair comparison. Toby Whithouse would write episodes for the Matt Smith and Peter Capaldi eras of Doctor Who, as well as helm Being Human. Because of these, I'm more inclined to think that inclusion was more RTD being a control freak than it was Whithouse not knowing how to write characters - because he clearly does from those instances I just mentioned.

It is wonderful to see Sarah Jane again after so long, even though she had been active in audio dramas in the time between her departure from the show and her appearance here. Liz Sladen is a delight and her chemistry with David Tennant is just as wonderful as watching her alongside Tom Baker. This episode, too, shows the after effects of traveling with the Doctor and shows Sarah Jane to not have completely given into the depression that comes with life after the Doctor, something that would be explored further in The Sarah Jane Adventures.

And no, for the time being, I don't have any plans to cover it.

Next time, we return to the writings of Sir Steven of Moffat with The Girl in the Fireplace. Given that Moffat episodes tend to be the best in the first four years of the show, you'd probably be expecting my opinion to not actually change as I go to review it.

You'd be right.

Doctor Who is the property of the British Broadcasting Corporation.

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