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| "It's only a model!" "SHHH!" |
When the show revamped in the 1970's, there was at least a logical reason that Jon Pertwee couldn't hop into his TARDIS and leave - the Time Lords had wrecked it. The revived series has no such excuse. That's not to say they don't mention other planets, they do, but we never see any of them in Series 1 and it's really a bit annoying. While this might leave the doors open for missing adventures to be made into novels and audio dramas, the constant returning to Earth is just a reminder that I could be watching other parts of the show that are far more interesting.
And I know the Doctor likes to pick up his/her/their humans from Earth, I do, but I'd rather Earth have far less appearances when the Doctor has a time machine that can go anywhere in time and space.
So let's get on to the Doctor and Rose actually going to an alien planet onscreen. New Earth.
New Earth.
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeew Earth.
Really just whetting out appetites for adventure there, aren't you, Russell?
We begin with shots of the Doctor warming up the TARDIS after a long sleep. These opening shots actually really well done as Tennant saunters onto the TARDIS and begins to work the machinery like he's always been there. A somber, quiet tune giving way to a more lively one as the TARDIS comes alive.
Outside, Rose actually gives a psuedo-proper goodbye to Mickey and Jackie. Even going so far as to kiss Mickey goodbye as if they're still dating...or something.
I'm not sure whether I should be upset at the sociopathic nineteen year old who abandoned Mickey toying with him further with the thought that she might one day come back to him when she clearly wants the Doctor realign her helmic regulator or for Mickey because he's become so cowed and broken after showing some independent thought back in Boom Town.
I'll split the difference.
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,215
And it's all big grins as Rose gets to her actual boyfriend and they once more leave Mickey and Jackie behind. Rose asks where they're going, prompting the Doctor to take her "further than we've ever gone before".
...Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew EARTH.
And after the title sequence, they arrive on the titular planet already in progress. Outside the city of New New York (the fifteenth since the original) and we get what Russell wants us to think are cutesy moments where we have it rammed over our head that Rose and the Doctor want to fine tune each other's quantum harmonics. Hard.
Because Russell T. Davies knows many things and subtlety is not any of them.
But thankfully, the plot has to kick in and a man with a wicked skin condition watches them through a familiar little robot from last Series, still in the employ of the Lady Cassandra, who I will now sarcastically be referring to as Theresa because I've been reminded by some of my correspondents that this was actually a gaming blog at some point in the distant history of mankind.
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| "So I just sit here looking enigmatic? Great. ...when do I pick up my check?" |
The part that confuses me as is that Theresa calls Rose a "dirty blonde assassin" and, while I'm not one to ever stop someone from demeaning Rose Tyler, I'm...not really sure why. Especially considering that, strictly speaking, it was the Doctor who killed her using her own teleport system. But regardless, anyone who wants to spend their existence as a trampoline surely doesn't have sanity on the brain.
Of all the wonderful places to visit in New New York, the Doctor takes Rose to...a hospital. Why? Because he got a message on the psychic paper. Now those of you who are familiar with the Classic Series might think there's some Seventh Doctor-esque hijinks going on where the Doctor has planned a victory against something long before the TARDIS ever landed at the destination in the episode.
Boy are you about to be disappointed!
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...Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew Ear-
We get some "hilarious" hijinks as the Doctor and Rose have to take separate elevators and the disinfectant system provides a bit of fanservice as both the Doctor and Rose end up all wet...just not in the way the fanfiction writers want them to...and get blow dried in some way akin to a hair commercial.
I'm not opposed to Billie Piper in wet, tight-fitting clothing, but I was sure this was supposed to be a kids show.
While the Doctor ends up as his intended destination, Rose meets the skin condition man - later called Chip - in the basement, who lures her away. The Doctor gets a tour of Ward 26, meeting one of the many cat nuns and striking up a conversation, meeting the Duke of Manhattan and getting an earful from his assistant, and then...Jack Harkne-I mean, the Face of Boe. From the nun tending to him - Novice Hame, the Doctor learns that the Face of Boe is dying. In the next scene with him, the Doctor learns from Hame that one of the oldest stories about the Face of Boe is that, right before his death, he will impart a great secret to a man without a home. A lonely God, as it were.
Do you feel that foreshadowing yet?
...
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-
Rose, meanwhile, walks in on Theresa watching her home movies which are apparently on a film reel despite this being after the year five billion. I don't know, maybe film just makes a big comeback that nobody will see coming. After all, people have started using recording tapes again. Rose points out that the last time she saw Theresa, the Lady of Bitchy Flatness exploded from extreme heat. Chip provides a bit of exposition about how he rescued her, and Theresa even admits that the skin she previously had was taken from the front, this one is from the back.
...Rose tries to make a "out of your ass" joke, but that's where this justification came from.
No points for you, Russell!
But Theresa mentions that the Cat Nuns are up to no good and wants Rose's help to investigate. Rose naturally wants nothing to do with it and backs away...landing right into a trap. With some technobabble, Chip is able to implant Theresa into Rose in a manner not dissimilar to what happened to Peri during Trial of a Time Lord (and yes, I'll get to that eventually). Now, you might think this would be a traumatic ending for the character of Rose, as has happened to many companions such as Peri in the Classic Series. But you forget, this is Russell T. Davies script and we're in the early episodes - that means comedy!
And to be fair, Billie Piper pulls off the mannerisms of Zoë Wanamaker well in scenes where she is playing Rose being overtaken by Cassandra, and then turns on it by being Cassandra pretending to be Rose. Good acting! Shame it's wasted on crappy comedy.
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| "Wait...this is a Russell T. Davies script?! Oh noooooo!" |
Cassandra-Rose freaks out about and then gets fanservice-y about her body before scanning through Rose's brain and finding out information on the Doctor's face change - highlighting RTD's intentions for this episode that I'll get into later. Then the Doctor calls Rose up and Cassandra fumbles her way through a conversation with him in a way that raises no alarm bells for the Doctor at all. He gets distracted by the Duke of Manhattan (who had been turning to stone) being now perfectly okay and not like stone in the least - something the Doctor had said would not have a cure for a thousand years.
And, of course, one of the nuns - Matron Casp - declares that it's merely the application of science and that she is definitely not the villain of the episode.
She gets called away for a patient in Intensive Care, and we get a nice, creepy view of rows upon rows of capsules, one of them being opened and the viewer seeing from the point of view of...whatever is within. Beginning for help as it reaches to the nuns with diseased, scarred-looking hands. The nuns find it medically fascinating...and then incinerate it.
Cassandra meets up with the Doctor, definitely not blowing her cover and snogging the Doctor at the first opportunity in a scene that was specifically made to be in the "Coming Soon..." trailer for the series and getting all the fangirls' hopes up. Then, getting back to the actual plot, they poke through a terminal and eventually find their way into Intensive Care...and discover the terrible secret behind it all - humanoids kept locked in the capsules, infected with every disease under the New New Sun.
The implication, and later reveal, is that these people were created to be infected with every disease known to the Cat Nuns so that they had the perfect pteri dish to treat said diseases.
...remember how I said last week that this episode would make anyone with a basic knowledge of science cry? Here it is. Because it's easy to develop a cure for every disease just from testing someone who's sick, right? That's all you need, obviously.
Of course, this isn't the first or the last time that Doctor Who has played fast and loose with science (always airing more on the side of science fantasy rather than science fiction), but this is stretching it just a wee bit too far for my tastes at the very least.
Finding that Hame has followed them into the place, the Doctor immediately refutes her "needs of the many" defense and begins to berate her as though she, a low ranking member of the order as evidenced by the title of Novice, had made all these decisions herself. Of course, she knew about them...but I'm really not sure what the Doctor is expecting her to do here. Yes, if these people are sentient (and they are) then keeping them contained is wrong. But Hame does point out that the Sisterhood of Cat Nuns has done a lot to help people with the various diseases found in the galaxy. My point here being that this is not as cut and dried as the Doctor wants to make it out to be because righteous fury.
And no, I'm not advocating something like this being done...even though this sort of thing is done with animals and the like even today for scientific research. I feel like this is some sort of tirade against that, but I really don't think Russell was thinking that far ahead.
We also get the first instance of the Doctor being "the highest authority"...which really doesn't work for a variety of reasons I'll get into as we go. Needless to say, despite the Doctor having a dick measuring contest with the universe...he's not the highest authority. He's not even moderately close to the highest authority.
Also, the Time Lords aren't the highest authority either.
The Doctor begins to walk back his statements a bit, saying that he understands everything that the Nuns have done...but not what they've done to Rose, insisting that Rose would care about the people in the containment units, and Cassandra is being...well, distinctly not Rose. According to his view of it anyway.
Further proof that the alien parasite that is Rose Tyler has infected the Doctor's brain. Because we have a good 5,055,636,215 reasons why that is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard.
But the jig being up, Cassandra reveals herself to the Doctor and knocks him out with an aerosol. Cassandra sends Hame off to get Matron Casp, who arrives just after Cassandra locks the Doctor in one of the capsule with the intention of killing him with every disease known to Nu-Man. Cassandra tries to blackmail the Sisterhood into giving her money. But, after rolling a 1 on her Bluff check, Cassandra orders Chip to open up all the capsules...releasing all the patients.
#CassandraStartedTheZombiePlague #FearTheCatNunZombies
The Diseased Humans release their brethren and begin a march that would make Rick Grimes get his brown pants. The Doctor, Cassandra, and Chip manage to escape - just barely. The building gets quarantined, but it's already too late. The Zumans get into the building proper and start infecting the people within.
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| They don't know the acid rain is comin' down, to make 'em insane! |
Separated from Chip, the Doctor and Cassandra return to the room that Cassandra possessed Rose in. Because they're being chased by zombies that could break down the doors at any moment, the Doctor takes some time to berate Cassandra and demand that she leave Rose's body. She complies...by jumping into his body.
Now we have David Tennant affecting the mannerisms of Zoë Wanamaker...because comedy~
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...Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-
With Cassandra in the Doctor now (not like that), she and Rose make an escape up an elevator shaft. Rose demands that Cassandra leave so that the Doctor can think of a way to save them. The Zumans and Matron Casp catch up, the latter getting a Disney villain death as well as diseased. Trapped a door, Cassandra jumps between the Doctor and Rose in more whacky hijinks before jumping into one of the Zumans and then back into Rose.
The Doctor immediately rounds on her to berate her once more...only to find Cassandra shaken by what she found in the Zuman's head. A feeling of complete and utter isolation that they've felt all their lives, wanting only to feel. To be touched. It haunts her, and the Doctor seems to take pity on her...or at the very least remember that way more important things are going on, at least for the moment.
The pair make it back to Ward 26, where the Doctor hatches a plan to throw every single disease cure together into a cocktail. A quick ride down the elevator shaft and messing with the disinfectant system to distribute a cure.
This works, by the way.
Luring the Zumans into the elevator, the disinfectant activates and the cure is spread through touch between them all. The Doctor declares them a new subspecies - the New Human.
The nuns get arrested, the New Humans are being shipped off, and the Doctor rushes to meet the Face of Boe, who is feeling much better. Through telepathy, Boe tells the Doctor that he won't be hitting us with foreshadowing just yet...but he will, when they meet for the third and final time...and then he teleports out. The Doctor rightly points out that is enigmatic.
At the end, however, Cassandra is still left to deal with. Chip arrives, having saved himself, and offers himself up to keep her alive. Cassandra jumps into him to the disgust of the Doctor and Rose...and yet, she realizes that Chip is dying. And she's ready to accept it. The Doctor and Rose take her back to the night Cassandra was watching earlier, the last night she was called beautiful. In a bit of predestination paradox, Cassandra calls herself beautiful before promptly dying in her own arms...much to her younger self's shock.
The Doctor and Rose watch for a moment, and then depart as though they were never there at all.
...
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew Eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar-
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| "Thank Rassilon I've got much better episodes coming up..." |
As David Tennant's first proper outing as the Doctor, this isn't a terrible episode. It's really just kind of unnecessary, particularly when it comes to the return of Lady Cassandra. Russell T. Davies apparently wanted this episode to serve as a continuity buffer between the Ninth and Tenth Doctors, so as to assure the audience that they were, in fact, watching the same person onscreen. A noble goal, but it kind of ignores the fact that we already had that in The Christmas Invasion. In that episode, we had Rose, Mickey, Jackie, and Harriet Jones as characters who had known the Ninth Doctor and acknowledged the new one as the same man. Problem solved.
While one of the criticisms levied against Series 1 was the lack of locations that weren't Earth, I almost feel like Russell wrote this episode specifically to screw with people who made that complaint. Although that might be giving him too much credit.
The bad comes from the terrible comedy that stems from a companion having their mind compressed by another consciousness, something which - as previously established - the Doctor should be a lot more violently opposed to than he is instead of his heavy-handed moralizing and shrieking at someone who had no choice in the rather immoral things that her order had decided to do. The bad also, sad to say, comes from the inclusion of Cassandra.
I love having Zoë Wanamaker around, but Cassandra is so underdeveloped and underutilized in an episode that is supposed to be her-centric that it just falls...if you'll pardon the term...flat. I think Russell was trying for a sort of redemption arc here, but it doesn't really work. She nearly killed everyone on Platform One (and did, if indirectly, kill at least two people) and got away with it, and then caused a near-zombie apocalypse without a bit of remorse or regret. The only bit of the episode where we see a better nature shine through is when she leaps back into Rose after being in one of the Zumans and tells of the absolutely horrifying loneliness she found that they have.
That's it.
She willingly uses Chip - even if he's willing - as a vessel to prolong her existence on top of it all, and then promptly dies after setting into motion the events that would eventually lead to her death.
Yay? Or do I begin weeping? Or...
Russell, you're lacking focus pretty hard on this one. Luckily, though, this is just a solo episode and we can move on to a much better one coming up. It's time to go back to Earth in the Victorian Era before Steven Moffat ruined it to meet Queen Victoria, a monarch who is about to tangle with a werewolf in an old country manor house. A trap within a trap, set off by a diamond, is something over which the Doctor and Rose will have to help Ol' Queen Vic fight...Tooth and Claw...for.
See you there!
Doctor Who is the property of the British Broadcasting Corporation.
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