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| "Wait, I have to do how many more of your scripts, Russell?" |
...god, I wish. I wish.
That would almost make this episode tolerable.
So, like I said, the episode begins with a recap of the previous episode's events - the Army of Ghosts, the arrival of the Cybermen, the cliffhanger with the Daleks, and Rose promising us that it's the last story that she'll ever tell.
It's not.
I mean, it's the last story that she'll tell, but it's not the last. Russell couldn't stand that.
But as we come in from the opening credits, Rose manages to stop the Daleks by calling out their race. She then decides to continue this long string of brilliant stupidity by demanding that they keep her and the others alive if they want to know what she and the others know about the Time War.
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,282
Unfortunately, the Daleks don't put her out of my misery - they need her for something. Mickey questions how the Daleks could be here if they're all dead, but Rose merely questions what a Genesis Ark is. Upstairs, the Doctor promises to Jackie that he will save Rose. While this is accurate, it's also immensely stupid and giving her false hope, so good job, Doc!
The Cybermen broadcast their intentions to the world. The world takes it well. If by "well" you mean Mad Max. Naturally, the Cybermen are stunned by this, but they - like so many others, have not yet made it Beyond Thunderdome.
In the basement, the Torchwood scientist who was studying the Sphere is sacrificed to the Gods of the Red Shirt so that the Daleks can get caught up on the plot. The Cybermen and the Daleks learn of one another's presence and what follows is probably the greatest scene that Russell T. Davies ever wrote for Doctor Who - the great Dalek-Cyberman smack talk War of 2006. It really is fantastic to see these two titans of the franchise, both of which have been with us since the First Doctor's era, to finally meet up for real onscreen.
Of course, an offer of teaming up is turned down and shots are fired. Now not one, but two alien races are invading Earth!
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| Yet another scene of hilariously bad acting. |
However, from their interaction, the Daleks manage to identify the Doctor is a threat. Rose identifies him for them...and then proceeds to taunt the Daleks that, as Jackie said in a previous scene, she is apparently terrified of and who have no reason whatsoever to keep her alive now that they know about her association with the Doctor.
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,283
Seriously, how stupid do you have to be to think that that is a good idea?
With the threat of the Daleks, the Cybermen begin emergency upgrades to bolster their numbers seeing as how just two of them were easily 86'd. Jackie and Yvonne get pulled away while the Doctor is kept around because the Cybermen believe he has knowledge of the Daleks. Yvonne is later taken away for the upgrade as she protests that she did her duty for Queen and country.
The Cyber Leader berates the Doctor for his emotions, saying that he is proof that emotions destroy someone. Kind of a weird and almost vengeful thing for the uber-logical Cybermen to say, but nevermind that. Hope is mentioned by the Doctor as Jake Simmons pops in with some commandos to wipe the deck clean of Cybermen. The chaos lets Jackie escape before she can be upgraded, and Jake takes the Doctor through the Void back to the Earth from the Cyberman two parter earlier in the season. In comes Pete, who decides to lay down the law when talking to the Doctor.
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| "Hey there, YouTube...here's the next episode of my Let's Play of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream..." |
Back at the Genesis Ark, Mickey and Rose talk. Rose...actually acknowledges that she's been terrible to Mickey and doesn't know why he puts up with her.
Alas, since she does nothing to try to do better or to change this behavior...
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,284
Rose brings up the retcon about artron energy, namely that the "DNA of a time traveler" thing in Dalek wasn't Rose's DNA...it was just the artron energy attached to it, which the Daleks learned to harness during the Time War. Given that the nature of Doctor Who is all about retcons, I'm okay with it. Rose reasons that the Daleks need either herself or Mickey, since they have both traveled in time, to open it. When Mickey questions why they'd build something they can't open, the Daleks tell them that the technology is stolen. Time Lord technology.
Pete fills the Doctor in on what's been going on on his world. The cliff notes version: the Cybermen got trapped in factories, PETC (People for the Ethical Treatment of Cybermen) got involved, the Cybermen invaded Torchwood, and then jumped into the main Whoniverse. Pete has been leading a group to go after and stop them, going through the Breach. The Breach, which is apparently really screwing up Pete's World something royal with super global warming.
Pete asks the Doctor for help. The Doctor decides to take some time to play matchmaker, though Pete refuses that...for now. Also, the Doctor references Father's Day. Twice.
The invisible "The Doctor is an Asshole" counter goes ever higher.
But Pete convinces the Doctor to come back to his world and help them, them teleporting back into the Torchwood of the proper Whoniverse and the Doctor makes a quick comedy call with Jackie before modding one of Jake's guns to pierce Dalek armor. The Doctor then manages to convince the Cybermen to ally with them, at least for the moment.
Back in the Genesis Ark room, the Daleks demand that Rose open the Ark and threaten to kill Mickey if she does not comply. Before she goes to do so, however, she takes the time to double down and taunt the Daleks over the fate of the Emperor, who she reduced to dust in a way that did Thanos before Thanos was a thing...at least in the MCU.
...a year before the MCU was actually a thing.
Regardless, Rose is definitely paralyzed with fear over the Daleks, so she takes the time to taunt them and laugh in their (metaphorical) faces about the fate of their deceased leader.
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,285
The Doctor swoops in to be smarmy and pump the Daleks for information (not like that!) about the Genesis Ark and their status as the Cult of Skaro - a group of Daleks that the Doctor assumed were a legend, then he lets in the Cybermen and the Preachers who start to shooting. On the way out, Mickey accidentally hits the Ark and activates its opening process. The Daleks roll out the Genesis Ark through the chaos.
After saving Jackie from some Cybermen, she and Pete meet for the first time and Russell decides it's time for some heartwarming drama while we have not one but two alien races at each other's throats trying to take over the world. Not that he hasn't pulled this before, but perspective Russell! Anyway, they smooch and head off to save the day. Ish. Probably.
That is Pete and Jackie. Not the others. But given Russell's obsession with the Doctor's companion wanting to boink him, I could see where you might think an orgy follows.
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| ...oh, I don't have a joke here. I was just remembering the ten minutes or so where this episode was good. |
No, not buying it Russell, sorry.
As the Daleks and the Cybermen square off, Pete prepares for them to head back to the other Earth and the Doctor reveals the reason for the 3-D glasses he's been putting on in key scenes. The Daleks and the Cybermen, having traveled through the Void, can be sucked back into it because of the energy they're saturated in. He opens the Void and hits the "reverse" button and it's all done - the Daleks and Cybermen take a one-way trip to Hell.
Of course, Rose points out that everyone but Jackie is covered in the Void stuff as well. The Doctor tells her that's why she has to leave with Pete, he wants to do this himself with only himself at risk - using the atom clamps shown off by Yvonne from the previous episode to keep himself from being pulled in. Jackie and Rose both protest, Rose insisting that she can't go because she needs to be there for the Doctor. She says this, but it's not really the case in the least: she doesn't want to leave the Doctor because things are so much better for him because of her. Because she's a hideous mind-parasite who feeds off of his chemically induced adoration of her in order to survive.
I joke, but she's doing this because she can't stand to be without the Doctor. Not because it's the right thing to do or is the noble path. It is the stupid, arrogant path of a spoiled brat.
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 5,055,636,286
The Doctor slips behind Rose and puts one of the Preachers' teleport discs around her neck, Pete activating them. Of course, because Rose is Rose, she immediately activates it again and jumps back in spite of knowing from the Doctor that it tears a hole in the universe, which puts everyone in creation at risk. Since I can't quantify all in not one but two universes on such a scale, I'll just double the count.
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 10,111,272,572
...I'm nothing if not generous. Even when it's undeserved.
The Doctor is, naturally, really peeved about Rose not following his instructions. Of course, he should know better, but nevermind. The Cybermen come up to retreat through the Breach and discover...Cyber-Yvonne. In a scene that makes no sense given what we know even of the Cybus Cybermen, Yvonne was somehow able to retain her individuality through the Cyber Conversion process (complete with her actress' voice being digitized instead of using Nicholas Briggs, the - up until the time of this writing - Dalek and Cybermen voice of the Revived Series) and picks up a gun, killing the Cybermen advancing while declaring that she did her duty for Queen and Country. And she sheds a single oil tear.
...are we expected to feel sorry for her? Do we find this funny? I have no idea and I don't think Russell did either since he was probably trying to figure out a reason why the Doctor and Rose didn't get swarmed by the advancing Cybermen. I'd say this was set up with her conversion scene, but it really wasn't.
The Doctor and Rose activate the Breach and hold on for dear life as the Daleks and the Cybermen start getting sucked in from all over the world. Of course, everything goes wrong at the worst possible moment. One of the levers keeping the Void open starts to close and Rose reaches out to grab it, fighting for her life against the power of the Void...but she eventually loses her grip and begins to fall as the Doctor screams in protest...
...and Pete jumps back at the last minute to save Rose from being forever put out of my misery.
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| "Always together..." |
The Void is sealed and we have what I suppose is supposed to be the "sad" scene of the episode where Rose slams her fists ineffectually against the wall while the Doctor stands at the wall in the opposite universe. Forever apart. So sad. Much dramatic. Such me not giving a damn.
An unknown amount of time later, Rose jolts up in bed hearing the Doctor call her name. She tells this to Mickey, Jackie, and Pete who decide not to have her committed but follow her insane delusions and somehow manage to figure out that the Doctor's voice is coming from Norway. Somehow.
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| "...forever apart." It's rather like Ladyhawke, but stupid. |
At last, we come to the beach - Bad Wolf Bay. A hologram of the Doctor appears on the beach and he tells her that he found one tiny little gap in the universe to say goodbye through. He and Rose talk, Rose asking why he can't come through properly and the Doctor retorting that he'd collapse two universes by doing so. Rose's response?
"So?"
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 10,111,272,573
But yes, we come to it at last. The scene that had Doctor Who fans bawling their eyes out in 2006. Rose and the Doctor, forever separated and Rose finally admitting to the Doctor that she loves him as if Russell's blunt force anvil-dropping of that fact on our heads for two seasons was not clear enough. I say what I've said several times in this series - I get why Rose loves the Doctor, I do not understand why the emotion is shared.
Rose, as I've demonstrated through the analysis of these episodes is just not a good person. She's arrogant, selfish, whiny, and demanding. Some of her actions are skirting being a sociopath so closely that she should be having tea and crumpets with Dexter...although Dexter would probably have put her out of her misery long, long ago.
But yes, after the Doctor is cut off before he says the three words that Russell T. Davies would have put into his mouth, the transmission cuts and Rose Tyler is left forever trapped on the parallel Earth without her loving Doctor or the ability to travel in space and time. She's gotten her father back, her mother is happy, she even has a little brother on the way as well as having Mickey there...but, as we'll see, this isn't enough for her. Because again, arrogant, selfish, whiny spoiled brat.
Ironically, Rose will be done correctly in a few seasons...under a far, far better writer than Russell T. Davies. But that's a ways away.
The Doctor weeps in his TARDIS and it's all very sad...and then Catherine Tate shows up in a wedding dress to lead into the Christmas Special for Series 3 - "The Runaway Bride".
We'll be covering that at Christmas!
As for Doomsday, it's partially where the story drops off into a crater for me. Army of Ghosts had a fairly strong start but so many bizarre notes such as Jackie associating a smell with the Cybermen Ghosts weren't followed up on. This episode, too, reeks of Russell being at a loss at points as to what to do in order to get to his big moment at the end. The moment, I will give credit, is a big one. It's just a shame that it surrounds a character that we would have to have no brain cells left to not hate and her alien boyfriend who she has become frighteningly codependent on.
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| A reasonable reaction to finding out you're in a Russell T. Davies episode. |
The minor issues with both the Daleks and the Cybermen aside, the pacing is a little off in places as well. I'm not saying it hurts it as a whole, but timeline wise it can be tricky to figure out why things are happening so rapidly when literally nothing else is happening in other sections, such as when Rose and Mickey are prisoners of the Daleks.
Also, why the Daleks don't immediately execute Rose upon being a smartass still eludes me. I do recommend you watch Doomsday, but only for the aforementioned Dalek-Cybermen trash talking as well as to get a completion to Series 2. Come back on Christmas Eve of this, the year 2019, where we shall see the Doctor contradict a previous story, run around in a bad story with the best companion of the David Tennant era, and the Doctor will even say the name of his homeworld for the first time in the Revived Series.
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