Yeah, no. Not a great year. Needless to say, I am ready to watch 2017 die.
But all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind...or something along those lines. Let's crack into the three worst games of 2017. Why three instead of ten or even five? Because when you break it down, I technically only reviewed twelve games seeing as the Guardians of the Galaxy: The Telltale Series. And - spoiler alert! - I have to take it off the table for both the good and the bad list. While it had no place on this list, it would be in the Good one. It likely would take up every slot. Hence, we're down to three with those off the table.
And so, without further adieu...number three...
3. Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Special Edition
No one will deny that Skyrim was a single-player powerhouse. It has a thriving mod community that is rivaled only by one of the previous entries in the series, Morrowind, that is - even six years later - churning out all sorts of content. And I say, good on 'em! It shows a level of dedication and love toward a game that gamers have spent literally hundreds of hours running around in. Whether you're the Dragonborn out to save the world from the return of Alduin, the mighty warrior who takes on the powers of the werewolf, the mysterious mage who learns of the dark powers of magicka, or the sneaky thief who glides through the shadows of the world unseen except for moments of slitting the throat of an unsuspecting mark, Skyrim has something for everyone!
So, needless to say, you might be wondering "Gee, Madcap! Why is this on your Worst Games of 2017 List if you liked it so much?" Well, I'm glad you asked, voices in my head! It's on this list for one very good reason that I can formulate into four simple words. Those of you who follow me on Twitter may be somewhat familiar with it. For those of you that aren't, however, let me introduce you to the meme I've spent the better part of a year trying to force down everyone's throat.
MAKE ANOTHER GAME, TODD!!!!
It cannot stress enough how absolutely tired I am of this. While it's nice to see Nintendo getting along with a third-party developer to bring Bethesda games to the Switch, I am tired of the constant re-releases of Skyrim. Enough is enough! You came out with Fallout 4 and you finished the DLC. You said you weren't working on anything related to Elder Scrolls until after that was done. As I covered so eloquently in my review, re-releasing the same game over and over and over and over again is not a new product and should not be treated as such. Especially when you didn't do anything different besides put in a few shiny items, clean up the visuals a bit, and give me the option to sprint.
ALL THIS STAGGERING, SPECIAL INNOVATION!!!!
La de da, Bethesda! You really should only be calling the game "Special Edition" when you come up with something that differentiates it from its previous version beyond a poorly slapped on coat of paint. You're better than this. You know you are. Stop with the nonsense and go back to making hilariously game-breaking glitches. We'll love you for it.
2. Final Fantasy XV
...so is anyone actually playing Final Fantasy anymore?'
Alright, alright, I joke. I know it actually has quite an active fanbase out there. My point is that I'm still not really sure as to why it has one. It's not as if it's a continuous storyline that has a cast of characters that remain at least somewhat consistent that you can get invested in. It's not as if the stories are particularly good and justify the constant, anthology-like changes to the setting and characters every game. So again...how does FF maintain a consistent fanbase? How in any way?
But for this game in particular, I hated it. I got through about fifteen hours of it, which is all I could stomach. And frankly, I wish I would have stopped before then. Anime Satan, followed by a confusing fifteen minutes pushing a car along a desert road with the rest of Good Charlotte's roadies and being rewarded for it with a pair of breasts that make SJWs cry.
And while I, being the red-blooded heterosexual man that I am, would do anything for breasts, I won't do that.
Besides, with the hand cramp I got from pushing the car, I couldn't do much of anything.
And where the hell is my tube of Bengay?!
1. Yooka-Laylee
And so, we come to it at last. This is it - the worst. And why? Well, frankly, because of it being a gross misstep on the way to glory. I reviewed this, going into it as a fan of the Banjo-Kazooie series. I loved those games. One of the first games I ever reviewed on this blog was the first one in the series, way back in 2011. It's something that's remained a fixture in my life and shaped me as a gamer. It brought to life a vivid fantasy world and colorful characters bursting with originality and content. There was so much fun to be had, and it was clear that the game was a labor of love by Rareware.
It also gave me a pathological fear and hatred of sharks, but that's unrelated.
So, that being said, I should have loved Yooka-Laylee. It gave us a vivid fantasy world with colorful characters...but there was something missing to it all. I'm just going to go ahead and spoil it for you here, and avoid the long and flowery speech that would surely follow: it brings nothing new to the table. If this were released in 1998, it might have been something extraordinary...and it was.
It was called Banjo-Kazooie.
Now, I understand that Rare being bought out by Microsoft was a big blow and that Playtonic seemed like a company that (being some of Rare's former staff) were going to be able to spark that Golden Age of Video Gaming all over again. Rare pioneered so much of gaming. In their heyday of the late 90s to early 2000s, it seemed like they could do no wrong. Besides Banjo-Kazooie and it's associated games, you had games like Donkey Kong Country, Zero Perfect Dark, Conker's Bad Fur Day, and a list of many other games that are still considered not only classics but having set the bad for their genres.
The problem with that, however, comes in the phrase "Lightning never strikes twice in the same place". While it can, it's often very rare to hit the peaks of success again. While Playtonic was trying to reach those heights again, they forgot that one of the things that kept Rare fresh and new was innovation. As much as I love the Banjo-Kazooie series, if I wanted to play it...I could just go play it. Either by using my Xbox 360 or - thanks to a generous search and rescue effort by the family - plug up my old Nintendo 64 and play both it and its sequel.
The problem with Yooka-Laylee is that it's trying way, way too hard to be Banjo-Kazooie. You can't be both innovative and do the same thing you've already done, Playtonic. Now if this were a direct sequel to Banjo-Kazooie, I wouldn't mind so much. But it's not.
Whereas Banjo-Tooie improved on the mechanics of Banjo-Kazooie in pretty much every way, Yooka-Laylee doesn't actually attempt to bother. Yes, there are differences in movesets, but it basically just comes down to semantics. It's the same style that came straight out of 1998...and hasn't changed since, and I know that I (and so many others) really wanted it to be good.
But, unfortunately, it's not. It may be the first time that it's ever happened, but I am actually sad to have to declare this game the worst of 2017.
To all my readers, Happy New Year! When we return in 2018, we will be going over the Best Games of 2017 (again, just three) and hopefully, this year will be better than the last!
For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.
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