This.
I'm going to go ahead and warn you now, this is where the spoiler warning begins. I am going to praise the few things that I can about this movie before vivisecting it, pointing out and pulling hard on every single loose thread in this tapestry until I have dismantled it...and then I will take the time to fix the very, very many mistakes to salvage this clunker.
That being said, I will say that you should see it. It is, after all, another part of the story and despite all the raging and complaining I have to do here, Disney pretty much has me by the balls because I have to see how this ends.
Last warning for spoilers. If you haven't seen the film yet and still wish to without spoilers, turn back now.
So, we pick up almost immediately after the end of the previous film. Rey (Daisy Ridley) is still facing down with Jedi Master Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) in an attempt to bring him back to the Resistance. The Resistance, meanwhile, is led by General Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher), and is trying to escape from their base on not-Yavin from the end of The Force Awakens as the First Order bears down on their location.
Onboard one of their ships, Finn (John Boyega) wakes up to be greeted by Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaacs) after a battle. Together, they find themselves caught in a game of chase as the First Order pursues the Resistance across the stars, having found a way to track ships through lightspeed (how much you want to bet this revolutionary new technology will never be mentioned again after this movie?).
Before we dip into the problems and how to fix them, I do wish to highlight a few good things about this movie. First and foremost, the cast all put in very solid performances. Daisy Ridley and John Boyega clearly are a little more comfortable in their roles as Rey and Finn, Oscar Isaac finally actually has something to do as Poe Dameron, and newcomer Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran) also brings a sympathetic character with a good performance behind her. And, of course, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher are a delight to watch in any capacity. Adam Driver also has a fairly good turn as Kylo Ren. Like Ridley and Boyega, he's clearly settled more into the role, and it shows.
The transitions are also of note, this being the first in the series to not use any of the traditional "wipe" transitions (at least not that I caught), being all just simple cuts. It's interesting, but a little distracting in the first few scenes where a character is mentioned by another character, only to cut to the character who was mentioned to show what they're doing.
I also enjoyed seeing Luke's day to day life on Ach...Achit...Irish Dagobah. From his hunting for food to his farming of blue milk from a cow-thing (it makes sense in context). Also, his training of Rey (even if it's just the few lessons) and his explanations of how the Jedi Order was not the only definitive source of the Light in the galaxy (and that they had a great hubris to think otherwise) was really not only a welcome bit of coherent thought but also a very much needed "Take That!" to the stupidity of the Jedi in the Prequel Trilogy.
The scenes in Snoke's throne room were among my favorites in the film, giving us a tiny bit of insight into his character and motivations. Sadly, they (especially the first one) are wasted to give exposition dumps about Kylo Ren. That being said, his later death at the hands of Kylo leads to what is probably the most awesome scene in the film - akin to the three-sixty shot of all the Avengers in both the first Avengers and Age of Ultron of the team either about to or in the midst of kicking ass - where Rey and Kylo fight back to back against Snoke's bodyguards.
It is probably the most badass thing to ever be featured in a Star Wars film. And no, I'm not joking on that.
Also, last but not least, Luke Skywalker's final scene among the living was so beautifully done. Having stalled Kylo Ren for long enough to allow the Resistance to escape, he sits back to watch the rising sun over Irish Dagobah in a beautiful parallel to the scene where he looks out from the Lars homestead at the twin suns of Tatooine in A New Hope...and then fades away as his mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi did before him, becoming one with the Force.
The fact that this happened, however, is something that needs addressing, and sadly...this is where the positives end...and the rage begins.
As I mentioned in the non-spoiler section, this film clocks in at two and a half hours, which is problem number one. This wouldn't be a problem if there was an epic story to tell and the film did this not only adequately but in an exemplary manner like The Lord of the Rings trilogy...but there isn't and it doesn't. The good guys are on the run from the bad at the beginning of the story...and the good guys are on the run from the bad guys at the end of the story, now there are just slightly less of both parties involved.
The main problem is that it allows for scenes that should have been cut to not be cut, as well as having the knowledge that several scenes probably were cut. Going by the Batman v. Superman book of film-making is a bad idea - having a longer runtime doesn't help when you don't actually bother to do anything.
For example, the mysteries that The Force Awakens set up about Rey's parentage? The Last Jedi takes the approach of "meh, who cares?". Not only is this infuriating, it's just a plain dick move. I didn't think it was possible for a film to completely invalidate the film that came before it...and wasn't Highlander II: The Quickening...but this film managed to pull it off against all odds. If you're not going to give a solution to the mystery, don't bother bringing it up to begin with.
Or, to put it another way: If it's not important to you, don't make it important for us.
The entire film seems to have a lack of focus. The tone is muddled, flitting between dark and comedic, sometimes within the same scene or even within the same set of lines of dialogue. While comedy within the Marvel films is something that gets often complained about, I do actually feel that a lot of the humor was out of place in this instance. Some humor works. Throwing a joke in at every opportunity, however, doesn't. All it manages to do is make the already disoriented film even more confused about what it wants to be. Does it want to go for the dark feel of Empire? Then it needs to do that. Does it want to go for the lighter feel of other films? Then much the same for a more lighthearted tone.
Basically: light or dark. Pick One (1)!
And speaking of the dark, Snoke serves no purpose in this movie. He retroactively serves no purpose in The Force Awakens now, as well. And while he may get explained in one of the New Expanded Universe novels...it evidently wasn't important enough to put in an actual film, so why exactly should I care about it? Who is he? Where does he come from? How did he get to and corrupt Ben Solo toward the Dark Side of the Force with Luke Skywalker keeping an eye on him? Much like the mystery of Rey's parents, The Last Jedi just gives an apathetic shrug of "Who cares?" We do, Last Jedi. We care.
Something that did get onscreen confirmation was why Kylo joined up with Snoke. Short recap, Luke felt the darkness growing in his nephew and thought he could kill him to stop it...only to stop himself before he did something he'd regret, but admittedly too late to keep Kylo from noticing and hating him forever for it. Rey learns that Luke is lying and confronts him, learning the real truth. Instead of that...well, we'll get to that in a bit.
Speaking of pointless characters, you want to hear a joke? Captain Phasma. Seriously, I understand the whole "trying to follow on the success of Boba Fett" thing with a cool character design...but that's all you're giving me? Really? She came into and will leave the Star Wars saga as a minor footnote of just plain stupidity.
Another useless character is the slicer (Benicio del Toro). He comes into the film when Finn and Rose go seeking out someone to get them aboard Snoke's Star Destroyer to disable the lightspeed tracking system (which, again, I'm sure will never be mentioned again). He is a walking book of clichés to the point where his double-cross of the pair of them when the First Order gives him a better offer was so predictable it caused me actual pain when I realized they were being that stupid. However, I do have a way to fix this while I'll get into when we get there.
Also, we get introduced to a new class of Star Destroyer called a Dreadnaught. It has a pretty impressive entrance early on in the film, being of a size that dwarfs the other Destroyers many, many times over. Poe calls it a fleet-killer and it's touted up as this nigh-unstoppable, badass thing...and then Poe and a bunch of bombers wreck it in the first major battle sequence of the film.
Way to hold on that tension for a whole millisecond! Can you imagine if the Reliant in The Wrath of Khan were so easy to defeat?
There's also a particularly infamous scene that links to my previous comments about Snoke...or, at least, his potential treatment by the NEU. There is a scene where the bridge of Leia's ship is destroyed and she is flung out into space...and then she uses the Force to pull herself back onto the ship. No, don't adjust your screen. You read that correctly. Leia Organa, a person who - while being Force-sensitive - has not been indicated to have had any sort of Force training, and thus really, really shouldn't be able to do. Like with Snoke, there is probably some explanation given in the NEU...and that would be great except they didn't bother to put it where it mattered. Leia just has that power now because...plot convenience.
And yes, the Force is basically plot convenience, but even the prequel trilogy didn't have a scene nearly as stupid as the jumping from ship to ship thing from Star Trek: Nemesis.
After Leia's near-death experience, a new admiral (Laura Dern) ends up taking over the Resistance and immediately clashes with Poe...leading to him eventually leading a mutiny against her that gets stopped by a restored Leia. It ultimately adds nothing to the new character and doesn't bring out anything new in Poe and thus is...completely pointless.
I'm not going to lie...even with all of these things...I could stomach it. Indeed, up until the last half hour or so of film...I could deal with it all. I was ready to give this film a full seal of approval and say I was more than eager to see what was to come next.
And then, Luke Skywalker fucking died.
Let me just repeat that for the hard of hearing....
AND THEN, LUKE SKYWALKER FUCKING DIED.
This, I wouldn't have minded so much. A natural part of the hero's journey is that the mentor dies. It was the way with Obi-Wan and Luke, and I was not so naive as to believe the same could never be said to Luke and Rey. Y'know what happened in the meantime between the last film and the release of this one?
Carrie Fisher died.
Carrie Fisher, Princess Leia, one of the three of the original trilogy's main trio who was expected to be alive following this film...and she passed away. Now with Mark Hamill leaving (potentially to return as a Force Ghost, admittedly), it feels like we were torn away from our beloved characters too soon. While his last scene was a thing of beauty...I really would have rather it have been in Episode IX, if it had to happen at all onscreen. While Luke Skywalker went out a hero, it wasn't his time yet...or, at the very least, it should not have been.
Call it fanboyism...call it entitlement...but I did not sit through The Force Awakens to see one of my boyhood heroes for all of five minutes before waiting for two years to see a movie of him for only about a half hour before he gets killed off. Especially when he's one of the only three that could or would still have a physical presence within the films. Rewrites and reshooting should have happened with Carrie Fisher's death to keep Luke in the films, and Mark Hamill should have been paid through the nose (more money? Stock options? The blood of a high-born virgin? I don't know what he's into) to keep him there at least through Episode IX.
So...as you can tell...The Last Jedi is a bit of a minefield of really, really bad ideas. There is something to be said for taking risks, but the risks they took were poorly executed. Thankfully, I am here to send some sheep over all the mines.
I named them all "Rian".
It's cathartic for me.
How to Fix:
1. Cut down the runtime to 2 hours, remove unnecessary subplots.
2. Take some time to develop characters more.
3. Have Rey acknowledged as Luke's daughter already.
4. Have the twist about Kylo's perception of the events of Luke's attack on him be at the end of the film.
5. Either get rid of or replace pointless characters with ones that have a point.
6. Rewrite the ending on a count of Carrie Fisher's unfortunate passing.
Cut Down the Runtime
This is self-explanatory, and a couple of things I've mentioned could have easily been cut with nothing of value lost.
Take Some Time To Develop Characters More
Okay, so you ignored Number One? Right. Well, use that two and a half hour runtime to develop your characters more. We do get this with Finn and Rose a bit, Rose in particular actually having a sympathetic backstory and an overall likable personality. The only real problem I have with her is that her sudden attraction to Finn literally comes right the hell out of nowhere...though one could just say that it came from her being severely injured at the time and thus delirious.
We do get a little more about Rey, but not much more than what we already knew. Kylo got a bit more and we saw some depths that had been previously unseen, but the film doesn't devote enough time to go far with it.
Have Rey Acknowledged As Luke's Daughter Already
There has been a lot of contention about the character of Rey since she was first announced, much less when The Force Awakens came out. There have been theories that have linked her to every member of the Star Wars cast from Qui-Gon Jinn to Palpatine. Even ones with her being a reincarnation of the Chosen One...which is a whole other unique brand of stupidity. But, in my mind, she's a Skywalker, and specifically Luke's daughter. Why? One simple reason.
The lightsaber scene in The Force Awakens.
The weapon that first (in film) belonged to Luke, gifted to him by Obi-Wan. It was the weapon of his father Anakin (chronologically), created by him. You might think that her connection would make her a Solo...and that would be fine if the saber had been either Han's or Leia's.
But it's not and it wasn't.
There are also the many parallels between Luke and Rey - both grew up on desert planets, both are mechanically-minded and skilled pilots, as well as being strong in the Force - to take into account as well. Rey being a Skywalker is really the only possible way this could make any sort of sense...and yet, the film avoids answering the question at all, merely having Kylo make some comment about Rey's parents just being some junkers who sold her off for booze money.
Needless to say, I call bullshit on this one. I mean, if she's not a Skywalker, then why have the parallels? Why have her innate connection with the lightsaber? Was it just Star Wars legacy masturbation on the part of JJ Abrams?
...that actually makes a surprising amount of sense.
Also, for bonus points, this was an opportunity to please some of the Expanded Universe purists and bring Mara Jade back into canon much like they did for Thrawn for Star Wars Rebels. But if this film is an exercise in anything, it's an exercise in learning that we just cannot have nice things.
The Twist about Kylo
Like Vader's reveal of "I am your father!" at the end of Empire Strikes Back, Kylo's reveal of his own view of the events of Luke's attack on him really should have come at the end of the film. It gives the audience something to ponder for the next two years while we wait for another movie, as well as allowing Disney and Lucasfilm to tease the idea that Luke may not be as all up on the Light Side as we are given to think.
Because, again, we got to wait another two years for another movie, so you might as well give us something to ponder in the meantime.
Dramatis Pointless
Captain Phasma? Into the trash she goes.
Admiral Purple Hair? Into the trash she goes.
Benicio Del Toro? Well, how about a nice replacement? Let's say, when Finn and Rose get to the place to find the slicer they're sent to find...they instead find Lando Calrissian. What is Billy Dee Williams doing that's so important that he can't be pulled out by the mighty hands of Disney to dance for a bit? You could even do the turn against Finn and rose realize enough later on...only to reveal that Lando was in on the entire thing and has been working with Leia behind the scenes to bloody the First Order's nose.
Sure, it likely wouldn't be as believable given his history with the Rebellion, but it would not only serve to bring back an extremely popular character, but also would be a character that could actually serve a point, maybe having a scene with Leia and Luke in the end to have a quiet moment to mourn Han's death.
Rewrite the Ending
Literally. All it would require is the script to take out the words "And then Luke fades, becoming one with the Force".
That's it.
Carrie Fisher is gone and, as much as I hate that, we need to have someone from the previous trilogy still around to mentor the newbies. Obi-Wan served the purpose from the prequels to the originals. Now it's Luke's turn.
A bunch of old, musty books hidden on the Falcon aren't gonna cut the mustard!
To conclude this entire mess: The Last Jedi is a bad film. Not entirely, the few things that it does well (and I do mean few things) are buried under mountains of garbage. It is a very, very, very ungraceful film. It's the equivalent of jumping from a high diving board and then faceplanting right into an empty concrete pool sixty feet below. While the diver's in the air, it's a beautiful visual of spinning acrobatics that is a sight to behold. Sometimes it's even a bit ludicrous, but it's enjoyable and wonderful up until the point where you watch the diver smack headfirst into the empty pool below and shatter every bone in their body.
It's horrifying, grotesque, and unpleasant to watch.
Will JJ Abrams be able to scrape up the remains and salvage the act for Episode IX?
Well, as it stands now...I have a bad feeling about this.
Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi is now in theaters from Disney and Lucasfilm.
For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.
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