From MadCap's Couch - Tales from the Darkside: "The Cutty Black Sow"

"Don't...forget...to drink...your Ovaltine..."

So...here we are. Halloween. This entire month, all of Horror Month 2017, has been building to this moment. If I could be permitted to stroke my own ego a bit here (and I will, it is my blog), I think I've saved the very best for very last. "The Cutty Black Sow", besides having an incredibly silly name, is considered by many fans to be the absolute scariest episode of Tales from the Darkside. But is it?

Portrait of a family, their great-grandmother on Death's Door. She asks for the day and, when told it is the 30th of October, she becomes hysterical and proclaims she's going to die on Halloween. Her great grandson, Jamie, awakens in the night and hears her speaking of the monster known as the Cutty Black Sow, a monster who comes on Halloween night to take the souls of a family...unless a certain ritual is performed to shield each member of the family.

...the ritual of which, Granny is very much able to give detailed exposition about despite having a foot in the grave. Convenient!

MadCap's Reel Thoughts - "Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers" (1988)

So...you know that one movie you've seen 500 times and can basically recite every single line of it in your sleep without fail? That you realize with horror that you could have gone to medical school if you had remotely the level of focus memorizing the parts of the body than you do remembering every kill in this movie?

Thanks a lot, AMC...when you still did HorrorFest properly.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers is a film that I do personally enjoy but, because of the aforementioned re-runs of it by AMC, it's not a film that I revisit in the franchise very often. But for Horror Month 2017, I have decided to brave it once again, and I can tell you that it isn't bad. It is a good movie, but...it's not really anything new, even by the standards of 1988 or the Halloween franchise as a whole...which is to its detraction, frankly.

MadCap's Comic Reviews - "Angel" #8: Time and Tide, Part Four

And here we are, the fourth part of "Time and Tide". So far, we've had a time traveling adventure where Angel and Fred have gone back in time to an old galleon in search of a mysterious bug creature, met with Angel's earlier self Angelus and former flame Darla, had a fight with said duo, and accidentally unleashed a ship of beetle-breeding zombies before burning it and attempting to escape...only to be surrounded by the undead monstrosities. And that, I think, is enough to get you up to speed and make the first sentence of this paragraph make any sort of sense.

MadCap's Game Reviews - "Guardians of the Galaxy: The Telltale Series" (Episode 4)

As I type these words, I have just completed a journey, dear readers. This journey has seen a father come to peace with the death of his daughter, two sisters reconcile, and a space flight out of the anus of a giant worm.

...oh, sorry, I've just been informed that it's pronounced colon.

Obviously, spoilers are to follow, so if you have not yet played Episode 4 - "Who Needs You" - go and do so now.  For everyone else, let's get down to brass tacks.

From MadCap's Couch - Tales from the Darkside: "The Circus"

"Hey, who turned on the lights?!"

Who doesn't love the circus? The jugglers...the elephants...the lion tamer...the traipse artists...the peanuts which are nothing like those disgusting orange abominations that candy corporations try to pass off and are infinitely better than. It's all part of the magic of them.

You might have realized I didn't mention clowns.

Yeah, no. There's no wonder about clowns. Unless it's "I wonder how far this clown will go if we tie him to a rocket and fire it off". There are no clowns in this circus, thankfully. After all, we're here for the scares...but we (and I mean, by that, me) are only willing to go so far here at the Mouth of the Munchkin.

MadCap's Reel Thoughts - "Night of the Demons" (1988)

...and like that, you've seen what is literally the scariest thing about this film. The poster. That's it.

...

No, this is not the set up to a joke, I'm serious.

"Angela is having a party. Jason and Freddy are too scared to come...But you'll have a hell of a time"

 Har har har. My pimply, flabby white ass.

If my typed sarcasm was not enough of an indication, I am not a fan of this movie. I'm aware that it's a cult hit, and I'm frankly at a loss as to why. It's not particularly original despite its promises that are just lawyer friendly enough to avoid copyright infringement, it doesn't bring anything new to the genre (using just about every single haunted house and demonic possession trope), and it absolutely wreaks of the 1980s trying so, so desperately to die.

...probably so they can get out of this movie.

MadCap's Comic Reviews - "Angel" #7: Time and Tide, Part Three

We now return to our Voyage of the Damned already in progress. When we last left our dynamic duo, Angel and Illyria, they were on a pirate boat in the past where Angelus and Darla had been sent - rather like Team Rocket - blasting off again. While Angel feared for future continuity, he and the depowered Elder God had greater worries, primarily the fact that they were on a boat that was not only under siege by pirates, but had a pest problem that was rapidly getting worse.

MadCap's Game Reviews - "Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb"

The adventure series of Indiana Jones needs no introduction, but I'm going to give one anyway because padding (truly, the greatest horror of all)! Indiana Jones was the brainchild of Steven Speilberg and George Lucas before the former stopped denying the stupider ideas of the latter. The first film, Raiders of the Lost Ark, was intended to be a homage to the old pulp adventure serials that the two had watched and enjoyed in their youth. In particular, the iconic look of Indiana Jones was inspired by Humphrey Bogart's outfit in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, and that and other serials had a heavy influence on the plots of the original trilogy.

But where does The Emperor's Tomb come into play? Well, directly in canon before Temple of Doom, my personal favorite in the franchise. It's 1935 and Indy begins a trek through the jungles of Ceylon to - in the style of Raiders - recover an artifact. After making his way through a ruined temple, matching wits against ivory hunters, and dealing with a great white crocodile, Indiana does indeed manage to recover the artifact...which turns out, unlike the Idol of the Havitos...to be intrinsically important to yet another quest he finds himself on when a Chinese official and his lovely assistant arrive to inform him of - the search for the tomb of China's first sovereign Emperor, Qin Shi Huang. And thus, another epic adventure begins as Indiana travels from New York City to Prague to Istanbul to Hong Kong...and to Hell itself in his quest!

...well, one of them. Chinese got a lot of Hells.

From MadCap's Couch - Tales from the Darkside: "Ursa Minor"

Teddy Ruxpin strikes again!

Portrait of a family, a young couple -Richard and Joan - and their daughter, Susie, living in a happy home...or trying to, at least. Richard's got some problems with drinking and smoking, as well as a bum leg, and Joan is doing her best to make ends meet, working on her masters' degree and trying to make a better life for their daughter.

But there are good moments. Right now, it seems that Richard has gotten her a teddy bear for her birthday...although he doesn't recall giving her the gift in question. As time goes on, strange occurrences take place around Susie. A shattered flowerpot here...some very bear-like pawprints on the wall there...all of which Susie attributes to her teddy bear. At first to Joan's irritation...

Richard, of course, tells her not to worry. It's just a phase that little girls go through, and Susie will soon grow out of it. Nevertheless, he consents to trying to dissuade her from that train of thought with a bear rug. After an argument with Richard and going to bed later in the night (following a waltz into Susie's room where Joan just misses the bear's eyes glowing blood red), Joan wakes up to find Susie in the kitchen...with Teddy, and a bowl of split porridge, and begins to believe that there may indeed be something to her stories about the bear.

After all, Susie couldn't have made porridge on her own...

MadCap's Reel Thoughts - "A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors" (1987)

I'm standing in the night alone

forever together

OHH!!!

With the Dream Warriors

don't wanna dream no more

With the Dream Warriors

and maybe tonight

Maybe tonight, you'll be gone!

I'll go ahead and preface this with the following statement: this is my second favorite film in the franchise after 2. Yes, that's after Freddy's Revenge. I like this film and Freddy's Revenge better than I do the original. While the original is a classic and people rightly love it and cherish it and celebrate it, Freddy's Revenge and Dream Warriors are the only sequels that actually tried to do something different with the franchise.

...besides New Nightmare, but we'll get to that.

Dream Warriors, however, also marks the point where Freddy Krueger made the sharp turn from being a terrifying menace...into being a joke that only was frightening because of his dream powers...and his puns.

MadCap's Comic Reviews - "Angel" #6: Time and Tide Part Two

Okay, I know what you're thinking. "Hey, Madcap! The last time you did a comic that promised a prize fight, you became the laughing stock of the internet! Because at no point in that comic did either of the two people who were listed on the marquee ever in a fight and, in fact, only had one exchange in which they called each other douchebags!"

Well, I say, "Shut the hell up, voices in my head that compel me to shout random things onto the internet! I actually checked this comic and the title is, in fact, not a lie!"

...I'm secretly very lonely. If you're reading this, please send help.

MadCap's Game Reviews - "Scooby-Doo Mystery"

Scooby Dooby Doo
where are you?!

Yeah, you may not have wanted it in your head, but it's there now. Scooby-Doo has been one of the most surprisingly enduring fixtures in pop culture since...well, since it was first aired on television in 1969. From the creative minds at Hanna-Barbera, who were responsible for so many shows that are still fondly remembered even today, Scooby-Doo has been among many of those beloved shows. One may wonder why, but I really think the answer is simple.

It's one of the most adaptable things for the two main characters: Shaggy Rogers and Scoobert "Scooby" Doo. Why? Because they're both cowards, and everyone can relate to cowards, because that's absolutely how you would act in a situation.

And before you think that's not an endearing character trait, just remember that Falstaff was a coward.

...you guys do know who that is, right?

...because Yahtzee of Zero Punctation already once pointed that out?

Scooby Doo was a show that I was fortunate enough to get to know in it's original incarnation due to my parents having the VHS tapes of several old episodes of the 1969 series. It was great when I was a kid and I still love it to this day. There have been plenty of variations, spin-offs, and reboots over the years, but all the versions that are well remembered stick to the tried and true formula (with some variation in the case of things like Scooby Doo Mystery Inc.) of the original that pretty much everyone can relate to: some kids and their dog driving around in a van and solving mysteries.

...okay, that might not be the best way to word it.

From MadCap's Couch - "Tales from the Darkside: Anniversary Dinner"

Tales from the Darkside is a lot like other anthology shows like The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits...in that it's an anthology show that uses horror or science fiction elements to tell a story. While most do have a horror edge, they don't really go for masquerading as a morality play like the previously mentioned shows. Sometimes...most of the time, really...Tales would use those elements and tell you a story that was, quite frankly, just plain fucked up.

"Anniversary Dinner" is definitely an episode that is just that in a nutshell. However, it's even more chilling in the fact that it has no supernatural or science fiction elements whatsoever. It's a story that is so grounded in reality that it could be happening in your neck of the woods...or just down a few old country back roads.

MadCap's Reel Thoughts - "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974)

And now, continuing Horror Month 2017 in the only way we can! Covered in blood!

With surprisingly, little blood.

I admit, I'm not as big a fan of the Texas Chainsaw franchise as some. However, it is a landmark in the slasher film genre such as other films of the era like Black Christmas and Halloween. And, with the recent passing of its visionary director, Tobe Hooper, I would be remiss if I did not pay tribute to one of the directors who inspired other filmmakers to this very day.

Loot Crate Marvel Gear + Goods October 2017 - "Defenders!"

Defenders Defenestrate!!!

(It means to push out a window)

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

MadCap's Comic Reviews - "Angel" #5: Time and Tide, Part One

Angel is one of my favorite TV shows of all time, spun-off from another of my favorite TV shows of all time, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Say what you will about the stigma around its creator, Joss Whedon, but the shows themselves are very solid works of fiction. If you want a very deep and intricate look at both shows, check out Passion of the Nerd on YouTube. At the time of this writing, he's been doing an episode guide and analysis on both shows and does a damn better job than I could in explaining things in deep detail.

However, for the sake of brevity, I'll give you only the details necessary for this particular quartet of issues I'm going to cover this month, Angel #5-8. In Angel, the titular vampire was once one of the most deranged, bloodthirsty monsters to walk the face of the Earth. However, he failed to follow the horror movie rule of "don't fuck with gypsies" and ended up being cursed with a soul...something the vampires of the Buffyverse (generally), do not have. Thus, he was doomed to remember every evil deed he had ever committed...and be weighed down under that guilt, suffering for all of eternity.

At least until 1999, when he left Buffy's supporting cast to go to LA. Getting together with a wise-cracking half-demon and Cordelia from the aforementioned parent series, Angel opened up a detective agency with the single goal of helping the helpless. Over five seasons, we were both introduced to and came to love a wonderful cast of characters, all of whom grew and develop during the series' tenure in a way that rivaled Buffy's, if not surpassed it's parent show.

Which brings us to where spoilers come in. So, with the final warning given, we begin.

MadCap's Game Reviews - "Resident Evil"

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, how did this game series ever get off the ground?

From MadCap's Couch - Tales from the Darkside: "Trick Or Treat"

Once upon a time, there was a movie called Creepshow. You might remember it as a horror anthology film in the vein of Tales from the Crypt and other 1950s horror comics. It was a hoot! And take a wild guess who produced it.

Go on, guess!

...Google's cheating, you know.

But yes, it's George Romero. Yes, that George Romero - may he rest in peace. Apparently, some Hollywood types wanted to make a series based on the concept, kind of following in the vein of The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits. However, because Warner Brothers owned enough of Creepshow for that to not be used, the producers decided to change the title of the series to Tales from the Darkside.

The series ran for four seasons from 1984 to 1988, with a Pilot movie airing in 1983...which is the one we're here to talk about.

"Just try and leave a flaming bag of crap on my doorstep, assholes!"

"Trick or Treat" is the pilot for Tales from the Darkside...and it's pretty good. Very flawed and not making any sense when you really stop and think about it, but it's a spooky little tale that would set the tone of the series...which it often didn't follow. Ironically, despite having a very atmospheric and somewhat chilling title sequence, and being executive produced by George Romero, Tales also did science fiction, comedy, and even a few romance episodes.

But horror is what we're here to talk about, and "Trick or Treat" is definitely a good one. It's the tale of an old man by the name of Gideon Hackles (Bernard Hughes). He is rude, callous, and more worried about his numbers and books than people and souls...even his own. He's the model of a miser to make Ebeneezer Scrooge before his fateful Christmas night look absolutely saintly by comparison.

MadCap's Reel Thoughts - "Friday the 13th Part 3" (1982)

...good grief, this movie.

So, 3-D is a stupid gimmick. There, I said it. It has been used all of once to any good effect in a film that had literally nothing else going for it. I am speaking, of course, of Robert Rodriguez's cinematic opus Shark Boy and Lava Girl. But we're not here to talk about that horror movie, we're here to talk about this horror movie. For the third entry in the Friday the 13th series, it was decided to take the series into full-on 3-D! Then Paramount decided the gimmick was stupid and decided not to do it ever again in the series until they sold it off to New Line.

But to catch up on the plot, Friday the 13th Part 3 picks up after the rather ambiguous ending to Part 2, wherein protagonist Ginny (Amy Steele) was being carted away by paramedics while crying out for Paul (John Furey) - a character whose fate is still debated by fans of the series to this day - and Jason seemingly having escaped.