MadCap's Game Reviews - "The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind - Tribunal"

Y'know how messing with the established social order isn't a good thing? Yeah, it's not a good thing. I mean, most works of fiction don't often show that.  You get a D&D campaign where you save the land from the evil wizard, you're not going to often see a campaign dealing with the consequences of taking down his tyrannical regime that nonetheless brought stability afterwards. Tribunal is an expansion pack for Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind that ends up dealing with the consequences of killing of the Devil of a False Religion and destroying the ultimate power source for a trio of deities that were considered the personifications of good in said religion.

...yeah, some people are going to be pissed about you mucking around with their beliefs, Hero!

The plot picks up as soon as you install it...or rather, as soon as you sleep.  More often than not, your player will be attacked by a Dark Brotherhood assassin! But because you're the goddamn Batma-err, Nereverarine (if you've completed the Main Quest, as you should have by this point), you kick his ass and get a journal entry saying that you should probably tell a guard about the attack.  Not that it tells you which guard and it can be anyone from an Imperial soldier in Seyda Neen to a Telvanni guard and they will - because plot convenience - all point you to the same guy in Ebonheart.

Like in Oblivion, all the guards on Vvardenfell are somehow psychic.

But afterwards, you are transported to Mournhold, the capital of the Morrowind province to investigate further, leading into an interesting story with political intrigue, with more of the vanilla game's themes of how much holding fate and destiny have upon the course of one's life.

Y'know besides being the way they marked essential NPCs before just making them unkillable.

 While you don't have to have played Morrowind's Main Quest, it actually makes far, far more sense if you do given that you're adding more to the legend of the Nerevarine, such as working for his former wife and reforging his sword.

Oh, yes, for completing the Main Quest, you get a flaming sword.

A sword that is on fire.

That. Is. AWESOME!

But beyond that, it's actually a good story, even if the final citadel is a bit of a slog to get through. Don't be ashamed of having to use the Console to get through some rooms (one of the rooms in Sotha Sil's Clockwork City seems specially made for you to use it, because I've never been able to figure out how otherwise without severe magic use). And eventually, you will face the hardest fight that Morrowind and its expansion have to offer.  I'm not exaggerating. Even with plenty of potions and other buffs, I've never managed to get through it on just one shot. And even the almighty EpicApathy was brought down to a single hit point by the end of the fight.

But yes. Tribunal builds on pretty much everything Morrowind did, once more bringing the player into an alien environment and telling an interesting and engaging story. It's not overly long, but it doesn't need to be.

Also, with that final fight, we get an answer to the question "What's more awesome than one flaming sword?"

The answer is two.

Two. Flaming. Swords.

Awesome.

Tribunal is now available from Bethesda Softworks for PC and Xbox.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

MadCap's Tabletop Tales - "Promote Synergy, You Jerk!"

One of the biggest problems you can have in playing just about any tabletop game is conflicts within the party. This is probably the biggest problem in Dungeons & Dragons, what with alignments conflicting and all.  Generally, a house rule is that nobody plays an evil character - largely because all of one of the evil alignments (Lawful Evil) can even work with good or neutral characters with any success.  But even those of good and neutral alignments can, and often do, conflict in their methods and ideology. To me, that's one of the great things about certain tabletop games, particularly D&D itself.

However...

It can be a real pain in the butt to both DM and Player alike.  What's one to do?  In D&D, this can be solved by setting limits on which alignments characters can play. In my experience, this generally doesn't cause a great deal of problems with players. Most I play with will happy make a character within the confines given them by the DM.  Ripley, as a DM, generally doesn't make any restrictions on alignment, but is rather cautious about accepting evil characters, particularly after she allowed them for one campaign and it went...well, less than wonderful (a tale for another time).

But then you have games like Vampire The Masquerade and Shadowrun, that don't really have a system of alignments. Sure, they have Humanity and Essence, but there's nothing that really restricts the player to a single moral code.  In fact, particularly in Masquerade, you have a game where not only is disruption between the players allowed...but is sometimes encouraged depending on the situation.  So again, the question is, what's one to do?

As a DM...I have no idea, because I've rarely been the man behind the shield.  As a player, work with the others in your group.  Try to work on having a mix that won't be clashing on every single issue. Don't make a character that is there to be your expy of the badass that you want to be. That doesn't mean you can't be a badass, but you're not that one anime character. You know the one. The one with the deep and intricate backstory who's lived forever and become the greatest warrior alive, etc. etc. all those clichés.

And again, that's not to say that you can't be a complete badass. But don't be that complete badass who's going to be that way for the sake of being that way. Don't be the guy who's going to keep things from the party simply because "it's in character" for you to do so. For the first couple of adventures, I could see this being the case. But after that...why are you with this group still if you don't trust them? Why do you stick around if you don't want to work together as a team?

Granted, of course, things like that are house rules - there's not a rule that says the players have to work together (even in D&D), just that it's a great idea if you do. And it is, because that's how the game should be played. There is literally no reason for you to go around not working together as a team, because if you're all working against each other then there's literally no reason for the team to trust you or work with you and, if you go so far as betraying the team, there's no reason for them to not just kill you and hang you in a tree.

So yes, summation. Work with other PCs, not against them, regardless of the game. And if you're just itching for PvP, go play an MMO.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

MadCap's Comic Reviews - "X-Men '92 #2"

Last time, in X-Men '92 - the X-Men (consisting of the Cyclops, Jean Grey, Wolverine, Storm, Gambit, Rogue, Beast, and Jubilee and being led by the esteemed Professor X) were introduced as the heroes of the Battleworld province of Westchester, who defeated Magneto and his Brotherhood of Mutants as well as a Sentinel uprising...mostly, at least.  However, the emergence of a facility known as Clear Mountain as an evil mutant rehabilitation center gets the attention of the team.  Led by the enigmatic and definitely not-villain Cassandra Nova, the place seemed entirely legit...until she locked all of the X-Men besides Jubilee into chairs and used psychic mindscrewery.

Oh, and possibly telepathically erased Professor Xavier's brain. And is borne out of the Shadow King.

Y'know, just in case you didn't know who Cassandra Nova was from the 616 continuity and thought that maybe she was just a misguided soul.

And I'm aware that I spelled out the entire plot word for word, but in the interest of being concise, I'll hit the high notes.  Cassandra does a brief analysis of the X-Men Wolverine, Storm, Gambit, and Rogue, trying to figure out ways to deal with them using the images conjured by the Mind Field. Wolverine, she breaks down by having him fight illusory versions of himself from various points along his timeline (with various different costumes being put into the 90s series art style in a really cool way) to show him that no matter how hard it fights, it gets him nowhere and only begets more violence...his claws being reduced to roses as his will being broken as he and the other versions of him hug it out, a caption telling us he's "BSP Approved".

Storm she taunts with insecurities that she lives in Cyclops's shadow, as well as her claustrophobia, deeming that she will be the leader of the "new" X-Men because of her kind and selfless heart. Of course Ororo Munroe, being a complete badass, begins to see through the illusions and realizes that Cassandra is the Shadow King returned. Just when it seems she's breaking down, she breaks out of the slowly shrinking cube of psychic energy, declaring "I am lightning! I am Wind! I. Am. Storm. And I say -- NEVER!"

Seriously, real badass moment.

Shame that she gets taken down on the next page and gets a "BSP Rejected" stamp over the panel.

Gambit and Rogue, meanwhile, have been grouped together and wangst about their respective backstories and how they can never be together, despite Gambit declaring that he loves her...the two resolve to take that chance together, it's romantic and sweet and about to be sealed with a kiss...and then Cassandra shows up looking like her eyes are about to rocket out of their sockets and chides them for having sexual tension so thick you can cut it with air.

For them, she chides them for not being good role models for children (demonstrated with a chibi group of Dazzler, Colossus, Nightcrawler, and others) before leading them into a smackdown fight where she kicks both their asses...including beating down Rogue wearing...Carol Danvers' iconic Ms. Marvel outfit.

Ewwwwwwwww!!!!

But basically, more wills are broken and they're puppeted (literally) into having a vow to wait until marriage, and also being BSP Approved.

Beast, finally, only gets one page where he gets rejected for not being a person.  Because that isn't hilariously racist at all.

Oh, and then Beast reunites with Jubilee, who's had a subplot of finding an astral projection and eventually being led to the "Rejects", mutants that for one reason or another didn't pass Cassandra's test in the Mind Field and were sent below to serve as forced labor stripping Sentinels for the "X-Sentinel" project.

Including Caliban. Anyone remember Caliban? I remember Caliban.

Back at the Mansion, however, the X-Force '92 have arrived.  Cable, Psylocke, Archangel, Bishop, Deadpool, and Domino.  Although the description caption for Deadpool is actually closer to Bishop, and vice-versa, which I think would cause some confusion for new readers...but then everyone knows who Deadpool is by now anyway.

Having gotten a psychic summons from Xavier, they burst down the door of the Mansion and find...Professor Xavier is dead! ...which we knew from the end of Issue #1, but I'll give it a pass since it's new knowledge to the characters.

Like Issue #1, I have no complaints. This is still a pretty good idea overall, I think, and a nice way to get people in on the franchise without burying it in years and years of continuity that would drive someone to Lovecraftian insanity.  Cassandra is a hell of a villain and I actually found myself really enjoying as she deconstructs the flaws of Wolverine and Storm, though I found the approach to dealing with Gambit and Rogue a little ridiculous...but they had to make good on the cover, so I suppose I can't hate it all that much.

I will say, they do have me hooked. I've still got the same interest to see what happens in the next issue, as well as how the entrance of the X-Force will shake things up.  So once again, the MadCap stamp of approval on thi-OH, GOD, WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO MS. MARVEL'S OUTFIT?! WHY?! WHY?!

WHY, MARVEL?! WHY?! MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!!!!

X-Men '92 #2 is now available from Marvel wherever comic books are sold.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

From MadCap's Couch - "Sliders: Obsession"

Meanwhile, in a flashback of Duncan Macleod...

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Or so I hear, anyway. When you go into fiction and can do things like past lives and psychic ability, you end up with the joy and sorrow that is known as this episode of Sliders.

We begin with two figures riding on horseback while wearing Colonial Era dress. The woman, it seems, is...Wade! But with a completely different set of mannerisms.  Apparently her loverboy is Dick Roman from Supernatural, which immediately ups the nightmare fuel to 9001.

I'm not kidding, I absolutely hate the Leviathans, but Dick Roman was the only one who was remotely frightening in the entire sho-oh, crap...

MadCap Crossed The Streams: 3

It seems there's a star-crossed lovers thing going on between Wade and Dick, Dick's father apparently not wanting him to take up with the scullery maid, but they make plans to wed in spite of the madness that would surely follow from their mismatched union...and then we hear the drone of the alarm clock. Wade awakens in a far more modern setting. It seems the Sliders have had to get up early for their slide this morning. After taking one last big whiff of New India, they slide.

The vortex deposits them by a lake and the customary falling and banter therein occurs before Wade notices a figure in the distance approaching, parking his motorcycle nearby and coming over to greet them. He introduces himself as Derek Bond, but because I'm immature, I'm still gonna call him Dick, so there. Dick tells Wade that he's been waiting for her...after the title sequence, he explains that he's a seer. Not the Seer, of course, because then this show would be over and I might be the happier for it. But he sees things before they happen and expresses some intimate knowledge of the Sliders, including their names.

He also, quite out of the blue, invites Wade to dinner and even says when and where he'll pick her up - the Dominion Hotel, seven o'clock. Wade also tells the others that, among other things that were strange, she was dreaming about Dick when they woke up for the slide this morning.

...okay, yeah, nevermind, I'll go with Derek.

"Wade! The car! It's a DOOOOOOOOODGE!"

Quinn and Arturo discuss how he could possibly know about their identities, when suddenly a black car with the license plate of "Oracle 1" attempts to run Wade over, only for her to be saved by the epic rescuing skills of the Crying Man. They could just write this and the incident with Derek earlier off and just bunker down until the Slide happens...but then we'd have no plot.

But Remmy has injured his foot and they muse on the fact that the car did actually stop, so they got the plate before it drove off. In a hospital waiting room while Remmy fills out paperwork, Arturo reads from a newspaper that JFK died...at the ripe old age of 78, two months ago.  Apparently with attendees at his funeral being his brother Robert and Martin Luther King. They weren't assassinated on this world.

In the exam room, Remmy gets some quality time with a foxy lady who apparently can diagnose and aid in his treatment without him taking off his sock and shoe or the use of x-rays (not knowing what those are, in fact), calling herself a Fifth Degree Psychic and saying that they must be hiding something about where they've come from, not believing the usual cover story.  So, they're forced to tell her. Remmy also points out a compound fracture that he had as a child that the woman knew about, something she couldn't have possibly known unless she were actually psychic. It seems that ten percent of this world's people have psychic ability, and are trained in various fields using their abilities.

At the elevator, Quinn and Wade exchange some words about her going on the date with Derek just before the group is heckled by a pair of policeman carrying sketches of Remmy and Arturo. They are promptly placed under arrest - a Police Oracle says they're going to kill someone. So they haven't done anything yet, but they can still be arrested. Naturally, Arturo demands to know who they're being accused of wanting to kill, the policeman tells him - Wade Welles.

Welcome to Minority Report Earth, everybody!

"Mr. Jackson wants you brought in for not agreeing to be in the Hobbit trilogy..."

As you could expect, the two are hauled to an interrogation chamber and profess their innocence, bringing up that Remy even saved Wade's life earlier from the mysterious car. When they tell them the plate number, the police tell them that if the Prime Oracle was trying to run over Wade Welles, then it was likely a matter of national security.  The pair are given their "Miranda Warning" and are released, apparently they don't actually make the arrest until after the crime is committed.

Okay, so not Minority Report, just really stupid.

Regardless, it's time for the "Why This Earth Is Different" part of the episode, Arturo reading from a book and speaking of a historical account where a psychic saved President Abraham Lincoln from assassination by John Wilkes Booth. Lincoln, so impressed, created a special cabinet post - Prime Oracle. The rest of the nation fell into line with the idea, and psychic abilities are now a mainstream thing. Indeed, psychics have been able to predict and thus help avert many of the most terrible assassinations and natural disasters of the last century.

Of course, Quinn brings up that they shouldn't sing the praises of the Prime Oracle too quickly - he did try to kill Wade. And in a rare moment of not holding the Idiot Ball, Quinn pretty much laser strikes the main thing that's wrong with the society - namely putting all their faith and trust into one man is pretty much a bad idea no matter what abilities he may have.

Meanwhile, Derek and another woman, Melanie, are waiting to meet the Prime Oracle. She is nervous about this day, though Derek claims he's been ready for years - having seen it coming long ago. She calls him cold and that the anger he holds from a past life will only poison this one. He protests, but they step down to meet them. The Prime Oracle tells them what they fear, he will be dead by this time tomorrow. He speaks some mentor-y words to them, and then tells them he must choose his Successor. His aid tells them each to present themselves.

Long story short, Melanie's caring and disciplined but not all that powerful. Derek's powerful, but uncaring and not compassionate. The Oracle decides that compassion and discipline can be learned, but power is hard to come by. Derek will be his successor, because Wade can teach him.

Bye, Melanie! Thank you for having no point in this episode whatsoever! Bye!!!

Back at the hospital, Wade, Remmy, and the Nurse head out - the Nurse crushing on that Crying Man charm as all the womenfolk are wont to do. There's shopping to be done, however, and Wade's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" montage is skipped over for her to just get the red dress. And finally, she can have it without having to worry about death by Kool-Aid. Everyone thinks she's ravishing except for Quinn, who is too busy moping and fiddling with a Rubik's Cube. Greeted at the door by Derek, she tells the others not to wait up, making Quinn absolutely nettled.

Wade and Derek have their dinner in an abandoned restaurant. He is just vague enough about his promotion to Prime Oracle, but goes on to talk about his love for her and how he's had it for many years. Wade asks what happened to them in their previous life following their marriage, but Derek is confused that she doesn't know, disturbed by the fact that she woke up for the Slide and missed the rest of the dream. However, he is kept from being disturbed by that by being disturbed by something else - the Prime Oracle has just died.

In the Lamplighter Pub, Quinn is drinking away his sorrows. Arturo comes in to try and reassure him that they won't be on this world for long enough for Wade to form a bond with Derek, but Quinn's not having it - saying he knows Wade better than that. Arturo does say, however, that there's no way she'd jeopardize their chances of going home. The two see the TV of Exposition reporting the death of the Prime Oracle and that Derek will be taking his place.

"MY PRECIOUS!!!!!"

Arturo notes the connection between the former Prime Oracle, Derek, and Wade and believes the attempt on her life must have been connected somehow. He theorizes that the Oracle could set events in motion by his actions, effectively creating the futures he saw to be true.  A neat idea, and very Frank Herbert-esque.  Unfortunately, Wade has to come in and ruin it with plot, namely showing off her new rock because she's getting herself hitched to Derek.

And once more, Quinn looks just nettled.  Super nettled.

We get another Highlander-esque flashback where Wade or rather "Kate" is warned by a messenger from Derek - that is "Richard" - that his father has found out their plans and Kate should head to the bridge at Hamstead to meet him. She agrees...and then wakes up to the phone ringing.  Derek has called to ask her for her choice, which she has apparently not made yet.  Remmy, meanwhile, is getting briefed by Arturo and Quinn on the situation and says when the woman puts the ring on her finger, it's all over.

Wade comes in on the tail end and tells the others her plan to talk to Derek, though Quinn allows that green-eyed monster to cloud his judgment on the subject.  They have an argument, ending in Wade leaving on her own to tackle Derek at her own insistence. She goes over to Derek's place, and he turns on the charm and smiles over breakfast.  She tries to give him back the ring, insisting that she can't marry him in spite of feeling a connection. She won't base her life on a dream she had.  He tells her that the former Prime Oracle said that she would be the most important influence in his life. She retorts with the fact that the Prime Oracle tried to kill her, and Derek re-retorts that there must have been some plan involved to bring them closer together.

He begs her to give him a day and a half, the time until the next slide, to choose...

Quinn, aferwards, converses with Wade about Derek and gets hung up on.  Remmy consoles him, telling him that trying to manipulate her into dealing with Derek manipulating her won't solve anything. Despite Quinn telling him that they're really the only family that Wade has, Remmy tells her they can't really do anything until she asks for help.  Quinn doesn't take it well, but seems to relent all the same.

Back at the Casa di Leviathan, Derek shows Wade...her room, perfectly recreated from her childhood down to the very last detail.  She asks how he did this...and realizes he read her mind. She's shocked and outraged and what not and tries to leave...though Derek shows some of his true nature by bullying her into staying. She agrees to stay the night...in this room alone, and that they can talk in the morning.

ESCAPE IN THE NIGHT, WADE! HE'S GOING TO EAT YOU!!!

...ahem, sorry.  After he leaves, Wade makes a phone call.  The other three Sliders and Remmy's Nurse Lady Friend are then waiting outside somewhere in a car.  Quinn is all kinds of ready to kick down the door, and go in guns blazing, but Arturo talks him down.  They don't have to wait long, however, before Wade makes her escape and they assist.  But, because it was predicted, the cops arrive in record time as does Derek. He is angry that Wade violated his trust  which I would be all too happy to agree with except for all the BULLYING AND MIND RAPE he pulled just now...and threatens that she will never see her friends again.

Then we get another flashback of Kate milling about through the woods. She's shot whilst on horseback, and Richard arrives just in time to reveal that the messenger she met was not from him, but from his father who tricked them.  But alas, its too late. Kate warns that Richard's father is an evil man, and that attaining power to defeat him will only serve to corrupt Richard.  Richard gets his big "NOOOOOOOOO!" to the sky in somehow a less hammy fashion than Wade did at the end of "Luck of the Draw".

Wade, apparently having had this as a dream, tells Derek this over breakfast.  Derek insists that he's not a sociopathic mindraping bully, but Wade isn't having it.  She insists that no one can make someone love them, even with all the power he has.  He puts it off for a meeting with the President.  Back at the bar, Quinn and Arturo are discussing the use of Dominique, saying she's connected and maybe she and Remmy had some luck in getting help. The TV of Exposition tells them about the President coming in to meet the new Prime Oracle, Remmy and the Nurse turn up empty handed, and while Quinn mentions that Wade phoned to say she'll talk with the Regent, there's nothing much they can do...at least until Dominique overhears the report on the President landing in San Francisco and mentions she has an old friend in the President's entourage.

...what a remarkable coincidence!

Quinn immediately jumps up at the words that there's even a chance that she might get them in to see the President, but Arturo insists that Quinn stay in case Wade calls. He protests lightly, but is eventually convinced to remain in spite of his better judgment.  Back at Derek's, Wade sits in her room and meets with the Regent...who can't help her, because he - like everyone else it seems - has his full stock in the Prime Oracle and isn't even going to question why he's keeping a woman in his home against her will.  As the Regent leaves, however, a man arrives telling Wade that her prescription has arrived...and giving her a white paper bag. The opens it, finding a bottle that she then opens to read a note from.

Back at the ranch, Quinn reads that they've got an hour and ten minutes left before the slide.  The phone rings and Wade is on the other end - apparently having swallowed the bottle of pills. She asks Quinn to remember her and he runs off to go and save her.  He tries to get the cops to help, insisting that the Prime Oracle's bride to be is dying. When that doesn't help, he just shoulders his way in to find Derek weeping over her body.  Quinn tells him exactly what orifice he can stick his "love" up and takes Wade out for the slim chance that he might save her life. Derek is planning to go with...but is then told that he must go to his inauguration.

[Oscar Clip]

Wade gets wheeled into an ambulance and Quinn hops in as well, taking off.  And once again, Jerry O'Connell's acting shines through with brilliance as Quinn laments having taken Wade with him, seeing as this and all things that have happened to her since they left their own Earth has been all his fault due to his invention of sliding.  Much like Derek, who had no idea what he was doing, neither did he and now they're both going to lose her forever.

Back at his inauguration, Derek is completely distraught that he's abused his power and thinks he's not fit to be Prime Oracle.  Elsewhere, the ambulance stops not at a hospital but near the Golden Gate Bridge.  Poking his head out, Quinn finds Arturo, Remmy, and Dominique.  This is just in time for Derek to sense that Wade is alive and he heads off after her with a police escort.  Back at the ambulance, Remmy insists to a distraught Quinn that they couldn't tell him anything or they'd risk Derek reading his mind and learning the ruse.  Apparently, the Police Oracles saying they were going to kill  Wade gave Remmy the idea...and the rest is history.

The cops arrive with Derek and it seems all is lost...with only two minutes to go before the Slide....but then Derek says he comes to say goodbye, and asks for forgiveness.  He says that the previous Prime Oracle had set up events for Wade to meet Dominique, which would eventually result in Derek learning the lesson he needed to in order to become a better Prime Oracle, and now they're both free. Wade expresses the belief that they might meet again in another lifetime, and Derek agrees and asks Quinn to take good care of her.  Then the slide happens, Remmy giving Dominique a goodbye before he joins the other three sliders in going through.

At the last, to close out the episode, Derek gets a worried expression on his face and - when Dominique asks what's wrong - says that he's seen where they're going, ending this episode not on a joke...but a rather ominous note.

I have no doubt that he saw Season 3-5 and knows that this ain't gonna be pretty.

I also have no doubt that this is not one of my favorite episodes.  And not for the reasons one might think.  It's actually fairly evenly paced (for a Sliders episode), the acting isn't too hokey, and it wraps itself up fairly nicely.  My problem is in the character of Derek, who is a remorselessly evil bully who has no qualms about mindraping people. And yes, I'm sure that Mind Reading seems like a minor thing in the grand scheme, but I will just point at the scene where the Prime Oracle is choosing his successor and Derek mentions continually expanding his abilities and just wonder what else he had at his disposal or what he might have done to Wade otherwise.

And while I have often maligned Wade as being nothing more than Sabrina Lloyd being forced to regurgitate upon us the social messages that the writers want to push with absolutely no subtlety, I have to admit that I actually agree with Wade.  Even if Derek did it for "love", he still violated Wade's mind, and I doubt that he just did some surface skimming to figure out what her childhood room looked like, seeing as that would be something deep in Wade's memories and not on the forefront of her thoughts given what she's been through over the past year and some change.

For all the world is for being so close to a utopia, it's a climate of fear run pretty much on the whims of a man who has the most magical of the magical powers.  It's like in the Star Wars prequel trilogy if Palpatine were openly a Sith Lord and the Jedi Council just went along with it because they feared anything his prophecies might foretell.  And Derek is a perfect fit for it, basically bullying others into getting what he wants and abusing his power as such. This is not a good guy.

And yes, he gets his change of heart at the end, but he never really pays for the fact that he kidnapped a woman and then mentally violated her, because I guess that's just common on this world.

Of note on a more positive side is Quinn, who is the light mirror to Derek's dark.  It has been built up since "Pilot" and its abundantly clear that Quinn has feelings for Wade and vice versa. This is played  on a great deal in this episode, Quinn showing traits of jealousy that had never really come up before, and protectiveness over Wade.  Yes, he's a dick quite often, but he is not so pig-headed as to not listen to reason...even if he doesn't like it.

This is a character, ladies and gentlemen.

Quinn is made more three-dimensional by showing that he does indeed have feelings like jealousy, negative emotions of that nature, but that he's also working to overcome them. He does eventually relent to Wade's choices, only intervening at the last when Wade is seemingly dying, actively trying to save her with what little time she might have left.

Also, kudos to the writers of this episode for giving me a genuine twist that I really should have seen coming seeing that Wade was reading "Romeo & Juliet" at the beginning of the story.  Good themeing that I really should have caught.  Bad Madcap is bad.

This episode, though? Not all bad.  As I say, I've said more good about it than bad, but the fact that Derek is essentially a brazen bully who gets a Karma Houdini kind of puts a cloud over the whole thing.  Still, there have been and there shall be far, far worse episodes ahead as Derek himself predicted.

On the next world, the Sliders had best be careful, or they may end up sleeping with the fishes...

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

MadCap's Reel Thoughts - "Dragonball Evolution" (2009)

This movie sucks.

...no, really. I don't even need to go any further than that, do I? Anyone who's at least heard of this film knows the stink of hilarious incompetence that comes from it. It should be put in the same breath as films like Highlander II: The Quickening and Wing Commander for the sheer level of "You dun goofed" that is packed into almost every single scene.  And I mean that when I say it. Every. Single. Scene. The failure level is way, way over 9000 and not even my Rule of Adaptation can save this one.

Based on the worldwide popularity of the original manga by Akira Toriyama, Dragonball Evolution is a film that gleefully drops trou and makes a big, steaming mess all over literally decades of work poured into it. This was not a faithful adaptation of the original Dragon Ball manga. This is a worse adaptation of that than the Resident Evil movies are to the games.  That's right, I am giving Paul Anderson at least credit that none of the Resident Evil movies are as bad and horrifically offensive to the senses as this.

"But hold on now, Madcap!" I hear you say, "Surely it's not as bad as all that! I mean, have you even read the original manga? There's some things that just wouldn't translate to screen!" Sure, I can agree to an extent. Things like the Demon King Piccolo being trapped in a rice cooker (it makes sense in context) wouldn't exactly fly with audiences in the modern day, But little bits of minutia aren't something I'm ragging about. What I'm ragging about is the broad reinventions of characters, the changing of major details about them, and the complete and utter disregard for the original source material at all.

To begin, we have narration about the Mafuba and Piccolo, as well as Oozaru (oddly not a giant monkey in this version) before being introduced to Goku (Justin Chatwin), being oddly very white and very emo. Yes, instead of Goku's rather naive, but good hearted persona, we're treated to a protagonist that cares more about winning the affections of fellow high school student Chi-Chi (Jaimie Chung) and being accepted at school than becoming the ultimate fighter as he was in the original source material.

And this may be a cheap shot (not that I have problems with those), but with his attitude he's about one Hot Topic visit away from being ready to be a Linkin Park roadie.

However, the plot kicks in when Goku is given a Dragon Ball (specifically the Four Star Dragon Ball), for his birthday by his grandfather, Gohan (Randall Dum Kim) who then comes up with a quick  case of dead. Not because Goku stepped on him as the Great Ape, but because Lord Piccolo (James Marsters) has come calling...after escaping the Mafuba...somehow...Pilaf doesn't show up in this movie (as in the manga and anime), so there's no explanation given for how Piccolo was set free...he just was, and the film skillfully avoids answering the question.

In his quest to master his ki and attain the power of the Glow, Goku meets Bulma (Emmy Rossum) and together they seek out Master Muten Roshi (Chow Yun-fat). They get involved in the search for the Dragon Balls and eventually make the acquaintance of Yamcha (Joon Park).

And, naturally, they're joined by Goku's best pal Krillin, a dynamic and interesting character who is one of the few humans to...oh, wait...he doesn't show up.  Oops!  And before anyone comments, no, I'm not going to complain that Tien, Chiatozu, Yajirobe, and others don't show up. Krillin, however, is an omission that's really just inexcusable - he's Goku's best friend! And one of the few characters that actually does something useful after the original Dragon Ball. He deserved just a little more respect than not being included in this film at all.

Then again, with how Yamcha and Bulma have been changed for this film...that might be for the better.

I could go on for days about how much they are changed from the anime and manga and for no discernable reason whatsoever. I've already mentioned Goku's complete one eighty of a personality change, but others too are subjected to the same troubles. Bulma is changed from an enterprising young woman who wants to find the Dragon Balls in order to wish for a perfect boyfriend into a trigger-happy scientist who wants to use the Dragon Ball (no, she doesn't know about the others in the movie) in order to cultivate a limitless source of energy. And Master Roshi, the loveable pervert who had a wealth of wisdom and power at his disposal?

He has his perversions dumbed down immensely and he doubts that Piccolo even exists, much less witnessed his imprisonment!

...okay, now let's talk about the one thing I do like - James Marsters as Piccolo. Having seen him play the very vocal and theatrical Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, it is quite a different shade to see him as the very stern, dark and menacing character. He plays it very well, and it's clear that he's really enjoying what he's doing. In fact, he really seems like he's the only one who's enjoying what they're doing.

And that's not a jab at the other actors, I've seen most of them (particularly Emmy Rossum and Chow Yun-fat) in other films and productions and they've been good. I mean, really good. It's just a shame that James Marsters and every other actor in this production had this pile of crap to work with.  It's not just poor direction, it's not just poor writing, it's the fact that all of this was put together...all of it...with no regard for the source material.  For example...

Why is Oozaru an entity all its own instead of just being the Great Ape form of a Saiyan?

Why doesn't Goku have a tail?

Why did Oozaru decide to put himself inside a meteor after Piccolo's first downfall?

How did Oozaru not only do that, but also make sure that the meteor would land on Earth exactly 18 years before Piccolo could be released?

Why did Bulma create the Dragon Radar if she didn't know about the other Dragon Balls?

How did Piccolo get released?  I only ask because it's the impetus for the entire freaking plot!

Why do the Dragon Balls disappear after the wish is made, instead of just turning to stone and not being usable for a year?

Why does Piccolo have to wait until a solar eclipse to make a wish, but Goku can just do it willy nilly at the end of the movie, no problem?

Why does Goku use the Dragon Balls to resurrect a man who mentored him for all of a week, but otherwise barely knew, and allow his beloved grandfather to remain dead despite the fact there's no reason the Dragon Balls couldn't bring him back?

Where the hell are Kami and Mr. Popo? Kami in particular, considering he's the other half of King Piccolo and actually had a vital role to play in explaining his part in the story.  Didn't need him here, I guess.

Again, I'm willing to put the Rule of Adaptation into play...except this isn't an adaptation. It's taking the bare bones of  the original source material and then stripping those down to the marrow, injecting it into a rabbit that is then taken out behind a woodshed and beaten to death with a two by four.  Then taking that rabbit, disemboweling it, and then burying it under a tree that you then burn to the ground.

Of course, we see why when we finally discover the crowning jewel...the distributor of this madness...20th Century Fox.

And as we all know, Fox is just masterful at adaptations of popular comic properties.

But really, this movie is probably one of the worst I've ever reviewed. Ever. If not the worst.  And keep in mind, I reviewed Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, so I know the worst. But even that at least had some basis in the source material...even if it was poorly produced, poorly acted, and just...stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.  So, we should gather the Dragon Balls and make the wish that this film never existed.

I know I will...

Dragonball Evolution is brought to us by 20th Century Fox, Big Screen Productions, Dune Entertainment, Ingenious Film Partners, Star Overseas, and World Film Magic.

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

From MadCap's Couch - "Sliders: Post-Traumatic Slide Syndrome"

"And you expect me to believe in Sliding?" "Of course." "Why?" "Because it's real..."

This is an episode that, to this day, sparks a lot of debate over an event that happens right near the end. The creators have established their original intent, though it really has no bearing on the show given events that occur next season (which we'll get to when we get to). As for my own personal feelings on it, we'll get to that in the conclusion. For the time being, let's get on with the episode.

We begin in another world's San Francisco as Rembrandt is pouring out his heart to a Dr. Matthew Liebling, a psychiatrist. He drops a few details about their adventures, apparently having explained the concept of multiverse travel to him as his starting point and claiming that his "boat has been rocked too many times" in their travels. Liebling tells him to start at the beginning, and Remmy begins to tell a story from a few weeks ago.

The Sliders fall into a suburban area in the customary manner and with the usual banter. As they recover, however, Quinn suddenly begins to recognize things about where they've landed. A neighbor's car that was rear-ended before they left...a neighbor's place...and then they find the Mallory home.  Quinn tries the Squeaky Gate test...and it passes! It squeaked! To further compound the belief, Quinn's mother rushes out and there is a joyful reunion between mother and son. As Remmy puts it, after eighteen months of wandering the multiverse, it seems that they are finally home at last.

Except, y'know...totally not, but it's not actually a twist this time, so I'll let it go.

In the Mallory household, champagne flutes are passed about in celebration, Wade phones her family who are apparently in joyful shock at their return, and Quinn and Remmy stroke Arturo's ego about a few of his exploits including ripping off the movie Armageddon (which came out a full two years after this, so...Arturo got ripped off by Michael Bay). Enjoying the fact that they've finally come home, Quinn makes a toast to friendship and Remmy adds "and to home".

Later, in Quinn's basement, Arturo is lost in thought while Quinn shows Remmy the basement where it all started. Arturo relays his thoughts to the group, seeing as they don't know how to fully control Sliding, they ought to keep quiet about their experiences. Remmy immediately takes issue with it, saying how it would boost his career and Wade and Quinn bringing up the more practical notion that they can't just lie to their families about where they've been for eighteen months.

Quinn eventually talks Arturo into agreeing that they need to at least tell their families and swear them to secrecy.  Arturo promises, in about a month, he and Quinn will have the biggest press conference the world has ever seen, giving Quinn a pointed note that they will start work on Monday. Quinn and Wade share a tender moment where she thanks him for all they've expected and kisses him before taking off herself.

Remmy continues to narrate as Arturo returns to San Francisco University, meeting his assistant who is apparently surprised to see him...and seemingly rather confused at Arturo's references to having been away for a long time. Apparently, his ego is so intense that he can't figure out something's up. Remmy, meanwhile, meets up with his agent and promises him a big comeback the likes of which the world has never seen.

"Son of a bitch must pay..."

Back at the ranch, Quinn gets a call from Wade who tells him to turn on the television. Arturo is on a talk show where he has come out claiming to have invented Sliding. Wade is outraged, claiming that Quinn needs to call in, but he's so shocked at the revelation he can't even speak. At a bar, he meets with Wade and Remmy who both think he needs to bring Arturo to task over stealing the credit. While they feel bad about it, of course, both Wade and Remmy have benefited from Arturo spilling the beans - Remmy's career is taking off like never before and Wade has been offered a million dollars to have her diary serialized. Quinn tries to get a hold of Arturo before things get off the trails, but gets deferred by his assistant and then notices a framed newspaper claiming that the 49ers beat the Jets in the Super Bowl XIX.

I'd make a sports-related joke, but as we established in "Eggheads", I don't sports goodly at all.

He brings this to the attention of Remmy and Wade claiming that this isn't their world because the 49ers didn't play against the Jets in the Super Bowl that year, but the pair of them are not convinced in spite of the fact that Quinn is a football fanatic and would very obviously remember statistics like this.  Quinn heads back to Casa di Mallory just in time to hear glass breaking in the basement and a figure in a black ski mask coming from downstairs to tackle him and make a break for it. Quinn pursues, but the figure escapes via Oz's van from Buffy.

The next morning, Quinn arrives at Wade's new place and talks to her new assistant. Getting her of a conference call, Quinn informs her at the timer was stolen in the break-in. He's avoided making a statement, however, as he doesn't care about getting the credit because he still isn't convinced this is their world. He shows her a picture of his first grade class,  and one of the children who had braces on their world...doesn't. However, Wade insists it makes no sense because their families were here waiting for them. Quinn theorizes that their doubles on this world slid at the same time they did, but Wade refutes it. Quinn is determined, however, and leaves in spite of Wade's protests.

Arturo has his press conference to explain the Einstein-Rosen-Podolsky Bridge theory. When Quinn enters, he is flustered and calls for a recess. The two talk, Quinn trying to convince him that they are not on their world. But Arturo is no more convinced than Wade and Rembrandt were.

Rembrandt, in the meanwhile, is in the studio listening to a re-recording of his hit "Cry Like A Man" when Wade shows up and they discuss Quinn's seemingly deteriorating mental state and that everything is wonderful and, in spite of everything, they owe him for it. They also mention a museum opening tomorrow, Remmy wanting to try to get Quinn to it to smooth everything over with Arturo if they can.

[Insert Statue Pun Here]

At the opening, a big black tie event, Arturo greets Wade and Remmy before they are swallowed up by the media. Shooing them off, Wade immediately turns on Arturo and chides him for taking credit for the discovery of sliding. Arturo retorts that he laid the groundwork and would have done it himself had Quinn not done it, a rather callous attitude that makes neither of them all that suspicious. However, upon the unveiling of Arturo's new statue and him being proclaimed "the Father of Interdimensional Travel", they suddenly realize that the Professor's head may have gotten a little too overinflated and something needs to be done.

They also find the timer on display. It appears that Arturo had it stolen.

On the phone, Wade tells Quinn of his betrayal and insists that he cannot steal the timer back. He begins his usual spiel of "we're not home" and Wade angrily tells him that they are and that he needs to get over it before hanging up and coming up upon the big, shocking twist of the episode - the Azure Gate Bridge!

"YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! OH, GODDAMN YOU!!!"

...except for the framing device of story. And the fact that something as iconic as the Golden Gate Bridge being a different color surely wouldn't be missed by actual native San Franciscans, but there's me trying to bring logic into Sliders again and we all know how well that will turn out.

This is at least addressed when Wade laments that she must have heard "Azure Gate Bridge" over the radio a few dozen times and it just never registered. Quinn tries to comfort her, telling her that they'll get the timer and then slide out of there and that their real families are still out there waiting for them. Quinn also forgives Wade for thinking he was going crazy. They confront Arturo with the knowledge of the world being different...and apparently he already worked it out. He tells them to grow up - this is likely to be the best they will get, since they'll likely never get back to their own world.

Quinn demands the timer back, but Arturo says its on loan to the science museum. Quinn reasserts that he'll get the timer and they're sliding out with or without Arturo. The Professor tells him the veiled threat of "so will I" after saying that Quinn will do what he has to. Outside, Quinn tells Wade that Arturo has basically lost hope that they'll ever get home. He tells Wade he can't promise that he'll ever be able to get them home, but Wade has faith that they will get home.

Having seen the rest of this show, it's really sad that such innocent naivete will go punished repeatedly. But we'll beat that dead horse when we come to it.

The two of them head off to go tell Rembrandt. And I haven't been noting it, but the episode has been cutting back occasionally to Rembrandt in Liebling's office telling the story. He tells him that, at this point, the re-issue of "Cry Like A Man" had sold more copies in a short time than the original had in sixteen years, and he was being worked into a deal to get his old band back together - the Four Topps. Maurice (who you may remember from "The King Is Back") and another one of the Topps come in and make demands of him, interrupted by Quinn making a call that Remmy just says to take a message for.

"Uh...hey, guys! We were just looking for the bathroom, can you help us?"

In the museum, a guard checks the area and makes the all-clear just as Quinn and Wade make their move, checking out the timer display case. With only thirty seconds left, Quinn lifts the glass and sets off the alarm, taking the timer...which suddenly resets to twenty four hours before the next slide - something that it's never done before. Quinn reasons its a replica just in time for the pair of them to be arrested.

After the commercial break, Remmy tells Liebling that the experience really woke up him, learning what happened to Quinn and Wade and bailing them out of jail and realizing they were willing to miss the slide for their sake. Liebling's secretary interrupts and he steps out to speak to her, telling her to call a nearby mental hospital for the most extraordinary case of off the wall dementia he's ever seen. She complies and he comes back to hear the insanity.

The Topps apparently pulled out and Remmy got some of the sheet music to learn that some of the Topps' hits...are actually co-written by his bandmates on this world. He knew the truth, but was so caught up in his success that he didn't want to admit it, apologizing for his actions. They head to Arturo's place, reasoning that he must have the timer. Because breaking and entering worked so well before, Quinn does it again and they begin rooting around. As they do...they suddenly hear a familiar voice calling for help...

...the Professor! And I think you know what that means!

Times The Sliders Have Run Into Their Doubles: 8

With a shorter, snappier line, no less!

"Help! Peter Jackson's keeping me here until I agree to be in The Simarillion!!!"

As it seems, the real Arturo has been captured by his double from this Earth, who I will hereafter refer to as Fauxturo. They come down and release him, Arturo explaining that Fauxturo apparently was going to slide with their other doubles from this world, but he chickened out at the last minute and has been spending his time since trying to recreate Sliding...during which time the four of them fell into his lap. They prepare to search for the timer, but Fauxturo arrives and reveals he was in on the whole thing.

We get a wonderful scene where Arturo argues with himself, each one trying to convince the others that they are the real Arturo. The one we believe to be Fauxturo brings up such adventures they've had as one where he built the atom bomb or the one where he met his late wife, though the one formerly chained retorts that anyone who's read Wade's diary would know that. They get down to fisticuffs, the unchained one punching out the other. Quinn gets back the timer, telling them they have seventeen minutes until they slide.

Buuuuuuut, that doesn't keep them from going back and giving goodbyes to their families - Quinn his not-mother and Wade her not-father and not-mother. Arturo opens the vortex, and Fauxturo arrives by taxi insisting they've made a terrible mistake. Quinn thinks to just bring both and sort it out when they slide, but Arturo eighty-sixes that plan and tells the others to slide while we witness the most epic game of "Stop Hitting Yourself" ever devised since Kirk fought that shapeshifting alien chick in The Undiscovered Country.

Wade and Remmy go through, Quinn remaining to witness the fight and make sure the Professor gets through. One eventually wounds the other to the point where they can escape and he proceeds through the Vortex with Quinn, leaving the other to watch as it closes and proclaims "oh, my god!". Back in the "present", Remmy wraps up his story, having said all there is to say.  They're back to wandering the multiverse with no idea if they're ever going to get home, on top of not knowing whether the Arturo they have is really their Arturo or not.

"Tell me about the lambs, Rembrandt..."

Outside, Quinn, Wade, and Arturo (?) have caught up with Remmy and get past the secretary to get into the shrink's office,  apparently only having a short time before the slide takes place - Arturo telling the secretary that they're family before closing the door on her face. The vortex gets opened, the others leap through as Liebling looks on in  shock at the sight of the thing...and it appears that the straitjacket he called for has been given...to him...

Okay, let's go ahead and get the big thing about this episode out of the way. I hold that the real Arturo (that is to say, the Arturo from Earth Prime) slid from that world with the others. My reasoning for this is simple, his actions in later episodes up until his departure from the show is more consistent with the Arturo we've seen than the one that appears as a double in this episode. True, Arturo has had moments where his ego has gotten the better of him (and he is no stranger to them after this episode, either), but he is a man of reason and logic and not one to be overcome by selfish pride or to not ultimately do the right thing when the situation called for it.

And it becomes a moot point regardless as the situation would never be resolved before executive producer Tracy Tormé would leave the show. His original intention was for the Arturo that slid with the group to be the double from Earth Double Prime, but as I've stated before his actions after his episode give me no reason to believe that he is or was indeed ever planned to be. There is such a thing as pretending to be something else in order to survive, but I imagine the persona could only have been kept up for so long, given Arturo's rather pigheaded nature in either universe.

Also, this does bring to mind how a lot of Arturo's duplicates are strangely in the psychotically evil category.  But then, hey, doubles be cray, am I right?

Also of note in this episode is the continuation of Rembrandt's character development. Consider back in "The King Is Back", when he had to be pulled offstage by the others once screwed over by his double in his big comeback. In this episode, when Remmy realizes that the fame is keeping him from seeing what's important, he not only turns his back on all of it, but actually apologizes to Quinn and Wade - something that he would have never done in the early days.

It's a very small moment, but it's a good one that contributes to his change from an egotistical jerk into the beloved everyman that he will be...barring some writing issues, of course, but again - dead horse we'll beat when we get there.

This episode in general is a pretty good one. I do like the mystery of which Arturo is which throughout, even if it's obvious (to me, at least) which one did slide with the others at the end. I like Remmy's character development, and besides the minor niggle with the fact that they somehow get back to their families in seventeen minutes to talk to them before they slide, I can't find any real problems with it.

I mean, other some use of the Idiot Ball and failed Spot Checks for them not to realize that  THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE IS THE WRONG COLOR!

Next time, we get another love story. This time with some unforeseen circumstances. Stay tuned!

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

MadCap's Game Reviews - "Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines"

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines is a game based on White Wolf's Classic World of Darkness RPG setting...most specifically Vampire: The Masquerade.  This requires a little background, both on the RPG itself and this game that was spawned from it.  So, for the TL;DR crowd - you play a vampire, in a society of vampires, and you are in a unique position to shape the world before you based on your decisions. Now scroll down a paragraph or two.

For those that aren't of that caliber: Vampire: The Masquerade is an RPG in which you play...a vampire. Unlike Dungeons & Dragons, where the objective is killing monsters and getting loot, Vampire is more about the introspection on the nature of the feral side of vampires, known as "the Beast" and trying not to succumb to it.  And while there is more to it than that, that's the basic roleplaying reason by it. The emphasis here is on the roleplaying, developing the character and, again, trying to stave off the Beast.

...unless you're playing the other side of it, but that's a whole other can of worms.  But luckily, you can get a crash course in the lore of the setting, including the separate factions and the legends of Caine and the Antediluvians (read: really, really old vampires)...right, I said Caine, as in Cain and Abel, with the former being the original vampire cursed by God.

...unless you're one of the vampires that come from Asia, but again...another can of worms.

Perhaps it'd be better to just skip the background on the RPG (it's not really that important anyway, and you do get the cliff notes), and get to the game itself.  Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines was released by Troika Games and Activision back in 2004. It was an unplayable, buggy mess of a game, largely because Troika had a very truncated development cycle and a deadline from Activision that saw it sent out basically unfinished by the development team, who were already using an engine they were unfamiliar with.

However, like in many endeavors, the desire of gamers to enjoy a game has seen them go to astoundingly insane lengths before and Bloodlines has gotten better than most thanks to fan efforts. Even to this day, there are still mods out there being made for it, as well as patches and fixes being done up.  The one in particular I was told to get was the "official" patch, currently in version 9 when I got a hold of it.  Otherwise, the game is, as I said, a buggy and unplayable mess.  So, thanks a bunch, internet!

As for the game itself, you can begin by picking one of several different clans of vampires - each with their own abilities and drawbacks - and set your stats, or you can do a questionnaire and have the game pick for you based on your answers.  Having some familiarity with the Old World of Darkness, thanks to my gaming group, I decided to go for two different characters for "serious" playthroughs - a low-Conscience Ventrue with a fondness for being all silver-tongued and using a bat when that didn't work, and a Brujah who didn't care much for politics and preferred to hit, stab, or shoot her way out of situations.

Needless to say, given that I was working on shifting to a computer interface from console, I died quite a few times with that playstyle before I got the hang of it.  Still, having gone through a few different characters to check out the disciplines, I found them (mostly) to be rather workable and mostly balanced, given that the player has to give up blood in order to use them...which dries up quick if you're not paying attention...which can often happen in intense combat situations, which leads to a Frenzy mode where the player loses control as their avatar goes on a killing rampage.

Which leads into the Humanity and the Masquerade ratings. Humanity is how much the player is resisting the Beast, holding on to their humanity. If your Humanity drops to zero, it's game over. Same goes the the Masquerade - the rules of Camarilla society that try to keep humans from learning about vampires (in Camarilla lands, anyway). If your Masquerade rating drops to zero, the game is also over. Simply put, you have to be just human enough and just hidden enough in order to keep things going.

...which is funny when very visible events like blowing up a warehouse are directly caused by you in the plot...but whatever.

Speaking of the plot, it goes as follows. Your character has been seduced by a member of your future clan and Embraced - that is, turned into a vampire.  Unfortunately, the laws of the Camarilla state that a vampire has to seek permission from the Prince (the ruler of the city) to sire anybody and it seems that your sire didn't do that in the least.  You witness the Final Death of your sire before you are nearly put to death yourself...saved at the last minute by the Prince's "generosity". From there, you're given a mission to go find a man named Mercurio and given a craphole safehouse in an apartment building to work from.

From there, you're given Los Angeles to travel around performing various quests.  You can join in on the Main Quest or you can delve into several hours of side questing, which is all pretty in-depth and rather enjoyable all on its own, which several enjoyable characters (voice acting aside), including a jive-talking weapons dealer, a ghoul med tech, and a Japanese demon hunter (that is a demon hunter who is Japanese, not a Japanese demon who hunts).

But the Main Quest involves your sudden throwing into vampirism at the time near Gehenna - the destined vampire apocalypse where Caine and the Antediluvians will rise up and kill off all of vampire kind in a bloody...well, apocalypse. It's the whole metaplot that was running through the Classic World of Darkness's Vampire setting and is one of the main reasons why Masquerade is superior to its follow up Requiem, but that's neither here nor there.

Over the course of the quest, the player learns about a mysterious McGuffin with possible deep significance to Kindred society that has been brought to Los Angeles by parties and for reasons unknown.  As several factions vie for control of it, the player is in an optimal position to help or harm others depending on their choices.  The Camarilla, the Anarchs (a group of anarchist vampires if the name didn't tip you off), the Kuei-Jin (those Eastern vampires I mentioned that aren't vampires at all...sort of), and the Sabbat (the really, really bad and scary vampires) are all valid and workable options depending on both actions and dialogue choices within the game.

Granted, some of them are better than others, but I'm not going to spoil which ones are which.

And, of course, there's the option to just flip everyone off and walk away after the fan has been hit...which is what my Brujah did after what was essentially her worst and most confusing night ever.

Oh, right, nights, sorry...because this totally doesn't all take place on the same night or something...nevermind there's no rest period or anything.  I joke, and I know that it has been mentioned by other reviewers, but how exactly do they justify this taking place over several nights when you never have periods where you must return to your domain to rest from the punishing light of the sun? It rather bugs me, but not enough that it cuts out my enjoyment of the game.

Really, I'm not joking.  The only other complaints I have are the lack of customization of the player character (in appearance, there are other outfits as my Ventrue was glad to find out) and the fact that you can't learn other vampire disciplines (they're all based on clan, which can be a pain in certain sections - like, say, the Elizabeth Dane). Other than that, there's the combat, which is more me adjusting to computer controls versus console so I'm not going to knock the game for that. I like the story, I like the crash course in how the Vampire game works and some of the lore without getting insanely intrusive.

You can go in with the basic understanding of "Oooh, vampires!" and just roll with it without losing too much in the process. After all, nobody needs a glossary when first stepping into a new world, they want to be immersed, and it's true to the RPG as many vampire characters can come and go without ever really knowing the whole truth of the Final Nights.

Mind you, it's not true in one respect - it's too combat-heavy. But a game where you go around doing nothing but contemplating existential dread and learning to quell the raging Beast that dwells inside of you would just get boring...so they pepper in a few combats and blowing up a warehouse (like one does in such a game).  Though it is true in that it's not like D&D where you get experienced based on the bodies you've piled up, but strictly for completing quests and finding unique(ish) solutions to objectives...which carries its own issues, but for the game it works fine.

Not much to say other than, after playing it, I know why it's so beloved. It's got a few flaws that can't be worked out with patches (or can, given some of the mods I've seen), but I'm not going to knock it for that.  Troika was trying to make an awesome game and it really does show, there was a lot of love in the room for what they were doing.  The setting is good, the designs are pretty excellent all around, and it has more than a few healthy doses of humor sprinkled around (such as a call-in radio show of hilarious proportions and the chance for a Malkavian to get into an argument with a Stop Sign). And for a game like this, I can't really think of much more to ask for.

Oh, and a final note - Don't. Open. IT!

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines is now available from Troika Games and Activision for Microsoft Windows.

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