Jesus Christ, what a depressing note to start Horror Month 2021 on! A poster for an incredibly terrible movie that has a tagline that's an outright stinking lie. Really, by 1991, what was anyone expecting out of this franchise? Well, New Line was apparently expecting money seeing as despite being a wonderful cure for insomnia, The Dream Child somehow managed to make enough money to be the highest grossing slasher film of 1989. Of course, with it's competition being such lauded films as Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (we'll be getting to that in a few years), C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud, and Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland.
. . .what's that? Why didn't I mention Halloween 5? Oh, that's simple: it doesn't suck.
Regardless, let's crack into "the best" that was saved "for last".
So, I know you're wondering what I'm wondering because I'm typing these words and putting the thought in your head right now: "Hey, Madcap! How did Freddy come back this time after being reabsorbed into the spirit of his mother at the end of The Dream Child?" Well, thank you for that lovely question, voices in my head! The answer is very simple: I have no idea. Neither does the movie, either, because it isn't brought up. He's just back and pulling stick at 300 miles per hour.
It's ten years in the future - so I'm presuming 2001. There's no sign or even a mention of Alice or her son Jacob, instead we find a guy quite literally named John Doe (Shon Greenblatt) is getting menaced by none other than Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) himself. Why is he menacing this one guy? Apparently, despite having no memory of who he is or where he comes from, is the last of the Elm Street children and teenagers - all of which Freddy has killed off.
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| "HUR DUR! POWUR GLUVE!" |
But he's come back to Springwood and ends up in the care of psychiatrist Maggie Burroughs (Lisa Zane) and a ragtag bunch of sacks of meat for Freddy to pick off for funsies. Maggie must help John regain his memories and, perhaps, they can together discover who the true identity of "K. Krueger", an enigmatic figure that is-y'know what? No. I can't do this. It's Maggie. Maggie was born Kathryn Krueger and she's Freddy's daughter. There you go, there's your big twist.
I'm not going to lie for "they save the best for last", this is hilariously weak. Granted, I still hold that the Nightmare franchise really ran out of steam around the time of Dream Warriors, but to keep beating that dead horse until its bones have turned into dust is one thing. This is another one entirely. The worst part is, you might think that this is just the first version of a script, but no...New Line had director Rachel Talalay (who went on to do much, much better things) and Michael Luca go through several different drafts before settling on one that they liked.
Even Peter Jackson at one point submitted a draft that ultimately went unused and given the few things I have heard about that script, not having read it myself at the time of this writing, that's a great pity since it was reportedly somewhat darker in tone and kind of leaned more into the ideas brought up by Dream Warriors. Not perfect, sure, but probably would have been way better than what we got.
But we got this...and this sucks.
We get some bizarre cameos that are from out of nowhere and really don't make any sense. The kids are all really kind of boring and one-note except for the one stoner. The "twist" is something you can see coming from a mile away. Robert Englund does a good job with what he's given, but by this point there is no menace left to Freddy at all. None. Far and away from the nearly silent killer with a terrifying face he was in the original and in Freddy's Revenge, the joking that began in Nightmare Warriors has just devolved him further into a snarky jerk who is bombing at open-mic night at the comedy club and has decided to go on a rampage because of it.
Also, he makes a Power Glove joke. Y'know, because it's so timeless.
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| "And now, some trippy bullshit we ripped off from the Greeks..." |
I joke, but this film does have a much touted point that it goes into the story of Freddy's childhood. He was mocked and abused as a child, and then was offered magical powers by three Dream Demons who have never been mentioned before and never will be again after this movie just before being burned alive by the parents of Springwood.
The way that Freddy is executed in this movie is suspect as well - a pipe bomb in the mouth after being dragged into the real world. It's something that Freddy would have survived in any other movie, but the Dream Demons just decide to leave him then because...reasons? It's as well explained as the Dream Demons themselves.
And then it's over, and we get a montage of moments from the Series - largely 4 and 5 - that are set to a song by Iggy Pop as though it's supposed to be a fond recounting of the exploits of Freddy and not the funeral dirge being belted out just before they toss the coffin in already. About three movies too late, it's finally over!
. . .except it isn't.
Unfortunately, there's a light at the end of the tunnel here...one that would come, go, and then be squashed by Freddy vs. Jason.
When Horror Month 2022 comes around, we'll be reviewing Wes Craven's New Nightmare. It's definitely a new height for the Nightmare franchise. . .although, given what we've seen, it doesn't have to go far to achieve that. Next time, however, we'll be going back to Camp Crystal Lake. I know he's been away for a while, but don't worry everybody: Jason Lives.
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