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| Careful, or we'll see the cast of Firefly going the other way... |
Insert "someone go back and reset 2020" joke here.
Although I'm sure that the Coronavirus will be a thing of the past...he typed in February hoping against hope that repeating this as often and as loudly as possibly would speak it into reality.
So, as we discussed last time, I had to recover from the fact that Russell T. Davies not only wrote a good episode of the show, but a great episode of the show when he wrote Midnight. I haven't been to therapy because that's expensive, but my editor says that I'm doing very well in my recovery.
Whatever that means.
This said, they made me write this review and the one for Midnight back to back so as to capitalize on my moments of mind-breaking insanity before reality ensues and I remember that I still have to review The End of Ti-NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Turn Left is the lead up to the finale of Series 4, much as Utopia was the lead up to Series 3. I say this in that it, unlike the Series 1 and Series 2 episode 11's, leads right into the events of the next episode The Stolen Earth. The way the episode ends is confusing and isn't even vaguely explained...but we'll get into that.
For now, we begin in an alien marketplace far, far away with a very distinct Chinese influence. The Doctor and Donna try drinks, look at strange little odds and ends, and are generally havin a grand old time exploring. At one point, though, Donna steps away...and finds Chantho from Utopia! Just kidding, it's only the actress - Chipo Chung - playing a new character and looking considerably less bug-like. This time, she's a Fortune Teller, who offers Donna a free reading on account of her having red hair. Donna humors her, but the look that the Fortune Teller gives after she has passed by shows that her intentions are anything but benevolent.
In her tent, the Fortune Teller claims to tell the future and wants to know of Donna's past. She asks Donna to tell her about this amazing man she knows - the Doctor. Donna remembers that her job was where she met the Doctor, being a temp at H.C. Clements. As she does this, she's hit with a powerful vision of stock footage...and the Fortune Teller asks her about her choices that led her down that route. Six months before, Donna had to choose between the temp job and one her mother had set up for her. This, intercut with flashbacks.
Sylvia berates Donna, telling her to turn right and go to the job she wants...and Donna chooses to...turn left.
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| "Maybe you'd be comfier in the trunk, Ma?" |
While this happens...something is crawling toward Donna, all the while the Fortune Teller is encouraging her to turn right...turn right...and change the world...
Something is on Donna's back...and the Fortune Teller reaffirms that she must turn right...and change everything...
The flashback changes, Donna deciding that her mother is right...and she turns right...
After our opening credits sequence.
Christmas of 2006 comes along. Donna at a pub with her friends instead of being married at a church. As she and her friends celebrate, one of Donna's friends keeps looking at her shoulder...and can't say why, but something is very clearly distressing her. There's something there, she says...something she can't see. She gets distracted from this when someone calls out that a star is up in the sky.
The Racnoss Web Star attacks...and Donna notices her friend keeps staring at her back. "There is something on your back", she insists. The tanks come out...coyly omitting that line about "Mr. Saxon" and the star is brought down as in the main timeline. Donna overhears a UNIT soldier talking on his walkie...and they speak of someone having died - in particular, a David Tennant-esque arm falls from a covered stretcher, dropping the sonic screwdriver.
"He died too fast to regenerate", he says.
As Donna walks off in a daze, having a glimpse at a life she has lived but doesn't know...
. . .
. . .
. . .oh, fuck, yeah...here we go.
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| OH GOD, WHO LET YOU BACK IN HERE?! |
As Donna walks off in a daze...a woman slowly comes into focus, running in the opposite direction towards her. A blonde woman in a leather jacket and with a worried expression. She asks if they found a body, and Donna tells her that he's regrettably dead. She asks her name, and Donna answers, asking hers in return. The woman sidesteps the question...and is clearly looking at her back. When Donna starts chastising her for it, she looks back to see the woman has vanished.
What I assume is the next day or next few days, Donna gets sacked from her job as a secretary. A hospital in view of the office building suddenly has clouds appear over it before it vanishes. It returns, but in this version of events only one of the medical students survived to tell the tale. Among the dead are Martha Jones, Sarah Jane Smith, her son Luke, Maria Jackson, and Clive Langer all from the spin-off The Sarah Jane Adventures.
No, I still don't have any plans to cover that. Also, I know it's supposed to be a crapsack world, but killing kids on a kids' show is pretty fucked up, Russell.
As Donna mournfully walks off after a talk with her mother and grandfather, she runs into the blonde woman again after she suddenly emerges from a bright light. She sees whatever is on Donna's back again, and likewise Donna gets no answer was to what her name is. The woman asks Donna what she's doing for Christmas, the woman suggests they get out of London...and mentions a raffle ticket Donna had taken from her job.
First prize, after all, is a paid vacation to the country.
Donna, showing that interesting bridge between the person she was in The Runaway Bride and the person she has been in Series 4, tells the blonde woman to leave her alone, partially because the blonde woman won't tell her her name. After Donna has walked off, there's a bright light behind her...
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| Bernard Cribbins continues to be a gem as Wilf. |
It seems, though, that Donna took her advice and she, Sylvia, and Wilf all head to a lovely resort in the country for Christmas. As she gets ready for the day, one of the staff sees something on Donna's back and starts speaking in Spanish...very, very panicked Spanish. In the mirror, just out of the corner of her eye...Donna sees a black beetle on her back in what is a legitimately chilling effect...largely because we don't see it all at once. All the while, Sylvia is insisting that Donna come look at the television...the Titanic is falling out of the sky and down to London.
London has perished in atomic fire. If that woman hadn't told Rose to use their ticket...they could all have died.
Even outside as they watch the mushroom cloud rise up where London has once been, the maid still points at Donna menacingly, shaking her head...terrified.
Donna and her family get relocated to Leeds and they clearly aren't happy about it. Probably one of those things that doesn't translate being that I'm American...but Leeds isn't well looked upon? Either way, they are living in a house with two other families. Things are looking bad for the United Kingdom, although Wilf mentions that the United States is going to send them aid!
. . .cue shortly afterward, with the Adipose attack on London having instead to go through the United States, where it was a great deal more effective. Adipose ships appeared over every major US city, and over 60 million people have been dissolved into just their fat...which has walked away as Adipose.
We have a lovely scene between Donna and Sylvia, where Donna remains optimistic in spite of everything while Sylvia begins to spiral into depression. Donna goes into the next room to gives Rocco Colasanto - the father of one of the other two families - an earful for singing while she and Sylvia are trying to sleep...only to find Wilf with them in a sing-along. They give a rousing version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" before there's gunfire.
Apparently, all the cars are acting up, and the British soldier on hand is trying to shoot at the exhaust to stop it. He's tried shutting it off and to no avail. The soldier turns on Donna, seeing...something on her back...but when she turns around, nothing's there. Wilf, a former soldier, gives him the biggest dressing down of his career for pulling a gun on an unarmed woman. Donna, though, sees a flash of light...and distractedly goes toward it while Sylvia screams for her to come back.
The blonde woman has returned again, she and Donna talk about what's going on. She tells Donna that the Sontaran attack is happening...but the UK isn't getting as heavily hit as in the main timeline due to the destruction of London. Other places like the US, China, and elsewhere are hit more so. The sky flashes as it did when the Doctor stopped it, the blonde woman telling Donna that the Torchwood team of Gwen Cooper and Ianto Jones gave their lives, and Jack Harkness was transported to the Sontaran homeworld as a prisoner of war.
How she does know all of this, I have no idea...but that wasn't really Russell's concern, as we've seen in the past.
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| Rose attempts to dig her tendrils into Donna's brain like she did the Doctor... |
The blonde woman sidesteps giving her name (again) and tells Donna that none of this was supposed to happen - Donna was supposed to save the Doctor and he would go on to save the day at various points so that the world didn't turn out as it has. Donna gets another flash of memory, of her talking the Doctor down after he takes down the Racnoss. She refutes this, angrily, insisting that she's nothing special. The blonde woman tells Donna that she is actually the most important person in all of creation. She refuses this, too. Donna is tired...so tired of all of this. The entire world is spinning around the drain...and she just can't deal with this anymore.
The blonde woman needs her to come with her, but Donna basically flips her off and starts walking off...until the blonde woman mentions Wilf's telescope. She tells Donna that she'll come when she's ready...and that when she comes, she will die...and she's sorry about that.
. . .debatable.
The blonde woman then fades away. No light show, no nothing. Just...disappears. Given the light shows earlier, this is oddly confusing.
Later, Mr. Colasanto is cheerfully saying goodbye to Donna and the family...there's a new policy of "England for the English", and the two families living with the Nobles are being sent to a labor camp. The man is putting on a brave face, but from the look from Wilf and his own both as he's getting onto the truck and when he's with his family...it's clear that something worse is going on. Wilf, the old soldier, knows well what the "labor camps" are...and what's happening again, just as it had during World War II.
In one of the most beautifully shot scenes, Sylvia sits staring into space - completely and utterly destroyed - as Donna stands behind her out of focus. She tries to encourage her mother, but...nothing works. Sylvia is completely broken by it all. Outside, Donna and Wilf sit with the telescope, Wilf looks through it...but can't find the constellation of Orion. The telescope is working...the stars are just gone. As they look, the sky is becoming darker...the stars are going out. One by one, all across the sky, the stars are going out.
Donna turns, finding the blonde wom-okay, fuck it, it's Rose. Okay? It's Rose. Rose is back. Saint Rose of Tyler, our holy lady of the Mary Sue is back. Are you happy? GODDAMN IT!
. . .okay, I'm better now.
No, I'm not.
Rose doesn't tell her name even to her UNIT friends, including a Captain Magambo. Somehow, Rose has gotten UNIT to work with her because...plot. Bringing Donna to station, they show her the remains of the TARDIS, salvaged out of the Thames following the Christmas star incident. Donna enters it, getting a "No way!" at it being bigger on the inside. Rose explains a bit of what's going on, namely that the TARDIS belonged to the Doctor. Rose tells Donna that the Doctor showed her a better life, and a better way of living, just as he had for Rose herself.
. . .okay, Russell. My counter is just at 10,111,272,574 because I'm spiteful. Shut up!
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| Grin if you're the worst companion of the RTD era. |
Okay, she says that Donna is "brilliant" and it just took the Doctor to show her that, just as he had for Rose...but same as. Rose looks to the thing on Donna's back, asking her if she wants to see it.
Then, they put Donna between a bunch of mirrors that use TARDIS technology and she can see it in the mirrors...a black beetle with its legs attached to her. Donna, understandably, has a total freak out. Rose explains that the creature feeds off of time, changing time. She explains what we know from the beginning of the episode - that Donna turned right when she should have turned left. A decision on a perfectly ordinary day that she would have never have thought of.
Donna asks Rose if she can do anything about it, but she can't. Rose says it exists in a state of flux, she can't even touch it. When Donna asks what she means, Rose laughs and says that she doesn't know, it just sounds like something the Doctor would say.
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 10,111,272,575
OHHHHHHH YEAH! WE'RE BACK, BABY!
Despite Rose's dickishness at not providing a panic-stricken woman even the slightest semblance of comfort and then laughing about it, she does tell Donna that she is special - the readings they are getting aren't from the beetle, but from her. Rose realizes that they need them both - the Doctor and Donna - to save the day and keep the stars from going out. Donna, at a despair event horizon, begs to know what she can do...and tearfully asks for the machine to be turned off.
They pull a Q (that's James Bond, not Star Trek) as they fit Donna with some gear and prepare her to do the time warp again. She's going back to the day she turned right instead of left and has to set right what once went wrong in order to make the leap home.
Just before they send her back, Donna asks if they know this will work. Rose says they don't know.
Rose Tyler is Awful Count: 10,111,272,576
Nevertheless, Donna is sent back. She's optimistic about things, thinking she's not going to die...this world will blink out of existence. She's live...everything will be okay. Rose looks at her mournfully...and mutters a "I'm sorry" as the cheerful, high notes die out to a mournful funeral dirge...at least as much as Murray Gold manages that. As she's being sent back, the lights go to maximum overdrive and the TARDIS explodes...and Donna finds herself on a street in London, six months before the terrible Christmas of 2007.
However, she realizes she's a mile away. Checking her watch, she has only four minutes to think of something to save the day, and she breaks off running.
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| THE QUICKENING! IT OVERPOWERS ME! I FEEL EVERYTHING! I AM EVERYTHING! I HAVE THE POWER!!! |
We get the same scenes from before of Donna and her mother in the car, interposed with the Donna from the Apocalypse world running to catch up to them. It's a very tense scene as Donna from the future rushes to stop herself. With two minutes to go, she realizes that she's not going to make it...and remembers Rose's prophetic warning that she's going to die...and as a truck rushes across the road, she steps in front of it.
As Donna Noble from the bad future lies dying in the street, Rose appears and whispers something to Donna to tell the Doctor. Present Donna turns left...and we return to that Fortune Teller's tent on that alien planet as Donna screams. The beetle falls to the ground, dead...and the Fortune Teller looks on in fear, backing away from Donna and giving totally not ominous statements about what Donna is...what she will be...
The Doctor pokes his head in, oblivious to it all. Donna joyously hugs him, though she doesn't quite remember why. The Doctor examines the Beetle, determining it to be from the Trickster's Brigade. Instead of making minute changes around Donna, it seems to have created a whole new parallel world around her...which the Doctor notes has happened before. There's so much coincidence around Donna, he notes as well. Something's binding them together...
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| How much experience do I get for the beetle? |
Donna denies that she's special, but the Doctor says she's brilliant, which triggers the memory of Rose and what she said about the stars going out...and that every world was being consumed by the Darkness. Donna describes the blonde woman, and then she says the two words Rose told her to tell the Doctor.
. . .sigh. . .
. . .Bad Wolf.
This leads to an insanely over the top sequence in an episode that was taking itself seriously up until this point where the Doctor and Donna rush out and find that every bit of writing on everything around them (INCLUDING ON THE TARDIS) has been replaced with "Bad Wolf". Inside the TARDIS, the lights are red and the Cloister Bell is going off.
The Doctor proclaims that it's the end of the universe...
Okay...so...let's start from the ending on this one. Because that ending absolutely deserves a single question that I still am harping on all the way from 2008.
ahem
WHAT IN THE HELL ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED AND HOW?!
The TARDIS has the translation matrix that gets into the heads of the passengers and translates alien languages - it's been a sort of accepted and then later actually mentioned in canon explanation for decades now. The TARDIS didn't change any of the Mandarin writing on the signs outside at the beginning of the episode, so it may be that it changed them for that purpose but...why? The TARDIS wouldn't have any idea of what's going on and would have no reason to change, so that's out.
Did Rose do it? How did she do it? You might think this is thinly-disguised veil to eviscerate the character of Rose Tyler further, but it really isn't. How in Rassilon's name would anyone have done that? Is it the Bad Wolf? Is it going to have some significance other than memeing this time? I don't know and I don't think that Russell did either.
I get it, it's to build hype for the finale...but this is ridiculous, even by the standards of this show.
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| What's going on? No bloody idea...apparently it's the end of the universe. Somehow. |
Donna's place in the episode, trying to remain resolute and optimistic in spite of everything crashing down around her as the world burns to the ground, is both wonderful and heartbreaking and Catherine Tate does an amazing job in particular with Donna here. It's just a shame that it's so far in, because it's the episode I would recommend to people who aren't too hot on Donna for them to watch...and we're very nearly at the end.
And we are coming to the end...the Journey's End. Before that, though, we're going to prep for the sheer ridiculousness. The Earth will be stolen, many cameos will be had, something that really makes Chibnall's attempt at a running story arc not work at all will happen.
Stay tuned next week, as we see...The Stolen Earth!
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