MadCap At The Movies - "Avengers: Endgame" (spoilers)

Okay, so I was going to do a non-spoiler review and a spoiler review and just rake in the mad ad revenue dollars...I mean, have one for those that wanted to avoid spoilers and those that didn't care or had already seen the movie. So that's what I'm going to do. This is the spoiler version of the review. If you don't want spoilers, then watch the movie and come back to read this one or check out the non-spoiler version here. Or, if you do not care about spoilers, then feel free to look beyond the cut to read.

We good? Good. Excelsior!
The culmination of a decade of films. A lofty pedestal that should not have been remotely possible to reach within a single franchise, and yet here it is.Utterly fantastic from start to finish, it's as if the last ten years of films were literally bursting out of every single frame of the film...literally, in fact, given that time travel is the name of the game this time around.

But I'm getting a wee bit ahead of myself. The film actually starts twenty-two days after Thanos had his big snap. The Earth has gone to pot given that half of its population has spontaneously disappeared, Tony Stark and Nebula float now in a dying ship a thousand light years from any and everything, and Thanos? Well, he's been tracked down. With Captain Marvel bringing them back to Earth, Tony and Nebula are able to link up with the rest and they compare notes. Thanos had been detected, or rather the Infinity Gauntlet being used has been. A group cowboys up in the Guardian's ship and heads there to find Thanos and bring him to task, intending to use the Infinity Gauntlet to set right everything that Thanos did wrong.

Unfortunately, their plan has hit a snag. The last use of the Gauntlet was Thanos destroying the Stones. Their plan in shambles, the first of several satisfying moments occurs as Thanos gets decapitated by a vengeful Thor. When asked what he's done, Thor replies "I went for the head".

Five years later, the Earth has more or less started to recover. People are moving on. Thor is in a pathetic, alcoholic talespin (with a beer gut), Bruce Banner has managed to balance both the Hulk and his human side (with only a bare minimum of comic relief this time around), Tony is still being an arrogant dick trying to blame Cap for what happened in Infinity War even though it was a spiral of events that were entirely his fault, and Cap is running a support group for survivors of the Snap. Natasha's running the now far more widespread Avengers (with Carol, Rocket, and Nebula out in space at various locales hunting leads) and trying to keep the world together.

And then into the movie comes Scott Lang, fresh from his last solo film and finding a much different world than the one he left. His daughter is a teenager now (more in fitting with her comic counterpart) and he makes his way back to the Avengers with an absolutely crazy idea: time travel to get the Stones before Thanos can, bring them back to the present, and then bring back everyone who was dusted by the Snap. Absolutely insane, certainly, but one that just might work...given a little help from Tony Stark, who initially doesn't want to do it. So Bruce Banner does...and then Tony decides to show up late to the party with the solution.

Because sure.

What follows is an elaborate time trick to send several Avengers to different points in the timeline, visiting the eras of the first Avengers film, Thor: The Dark World and the first Guardians of the Galaxy to retrieve the Infinity Stones at their various resting places. Of course, like any heist movie, the plan rarely goes off without a hitch and this is no exception. We get a few awesome scenes here and there, in particular what I can only assume is a "Take that!" to the Hydra Cap controversy of a few years ago (read: Nick Spencer, this is how you correctly have Steve Rogers ever say "Hail Hydra!") and a few good self-referential jokes sprinkled in here and there.

The film really does well on touching back on previous films in the franchise. Again, this isn't only the end of the first decade of the MCU, it's a celebration of where it's been. Unfortunately, it's the end of the road for some...namely the Black Widow, sacrificing herself for the Soul Stone.

...yeah, I'm not a fan of this. And no, for once, it has nothing to do with my pro-Scarlett Johansson bias. It should have been Clint to close out his character arc. Now, I'm sure that one might say "Oh, but he should get to be reunited with his family". I completely agree. Y'know what I agree with more? Him making the choice to save Natasha again like he did when she was first recruited into SHIELD.

To be entirely fair to Hawkeye, he does try to be the sacrifice play and I do like that Jeremy Renner is given much more to do in this film than in the previous ones...it's just that before would have been nice.

When the Stones are collected and the snap is reversed, one would assume that would be it. Alas, no. Thanos arrives having used a link between the present Nebula and the 2014 Nebula to learn all of what is going on. By switching the Nebula going back to the present, Thanos uses the Avengers' own time travel technology to bring his army into the present. Here is where we get to see two particular things that I've always wanted to say.

Namely what was hinted at waaaaay back in Age of Ultron: Steve Rogers is worthy to wield Mjolnir. Much to Thor's joy in a scene that I was standing up and cheering for.

Second...those two sweet, sweet words that I've been waiting for Steve Rogers to utter since the first Avengers film.

AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE!

And who is it that he says this to? Oh, just an entire army of heroes. Falcon and Bucky. Doctor Strange, Wong, and the Masters of the Mystic Arts. T'Challa and the forces of Wakanda. Valkyrie and the soldiers of Asgard. Spider-Man and the restored Guardians of the Galaxy. And to top it all off, Captain Marvel streaking down to utterly decimate Thanos' command ship.

While there is an incredibly forced scene of the female heroes taking point in a way that makes it seem like they're trying to compensate for the fact they took out their most prominent female character thus far (Black Widow for those not paying attention), the battle is absolutely insanely beautifully done. Aliens vs. magic, Avengers vs. Thanos, a mad scramble to get the Infinity Gauntlet away from Thanos...which ultimately fails. Or does it? Thanos, after a great deal of struggle, finally puts on the Infinity Gauntlet and declares, "I am inevitable". When he goes to Snap...nothing happens.

Tony Stark finally earns his redemption for the actions of the post Iron Man 3 films (at least in my eyes) as the Stones were removed by him, fusing into his Gauntlet and he retorts four simple words: "I am Iron Man." Thanos is dusted, as are his soldiers, and the day is saved...but Tony pays the price, finally dying from the use of the Gauntlet. A memorial service is had, the team members move on to be with their families...except for Steve, who undertakes a mission to return the Infinity Stones to their proper places in time and space.

And he doesn't return. At least, not in the expected way.

He is found, not too far away, but Sam and Bucky on a bench looking out at the lake. Steve passes on the Captain America shield to Sam (which Bucky nods his approval) and, when asked if he'd like to talk about the woman he very clearly married, Steve just smiles and says "No, I wouldn't." And the final shot of the film, and the end of the first four Phases of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, is an utterly beautiful shot of Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter in a suburban home, finally having their dance.

And now that I've given you that utterly beautiful image, let me give a warning to those of you who snuck into this review before actually seeing the movie: go. To the Bathroom. BEFORE! Seriously, the three hour runtime is no joke and you don't want to miss a second of this, particularly in the second half. I'll be happy to tell you it doesn't drag anywhere within it...although that has the unfortunate side-effect of not having any real gaps for you to get out to go to the bathroom for. The only ones I can really think of, offhand, are the literal moment the San Francisco title card shows up and where the Hulk is having lunch (neither one of those makes sense without context, so don't worry about it being spoilerific). Other than that, I suggest you make plans to go beforehand. I even skipped out on my traditional ICEE because of the runtime and I'm glad that I did.

This film is magnificent and probably the best film that Marvel has produced. Period. End of statement. If you haven't seen it, go and see it. It is absolutely completely worth it.

No, I'm not kidding. Drop what you're doing right now and go see this movie.

...yes, now! Go!

Avengers: Endgame is now in theaters from Marvel Entertainment and Walt Disney Pictures.

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Oh, and I liked the Stan Lee cameo. Excelsior, Mr. Lee!