MadCap's Game Reviews - "Robot Unicorn Attack"

Stop laughing!

Let me just go ahead and tell you the honest truth – you aren’t man enough for this game.  Did that offend you? Don’t let it, because I’m not.  I don’t think anyone is. Because Robot Unicorn Attack is a game that is made to tell you that you aren’t man enough for it.  Unapologetically and unashamed of what it does and how it does it…to everyone and everything that ever presses “X” and “Z” and tries to survive its merciless onslaught.

Scored to the Erasure song “Always” (in an endless loop as you play), the player is given control of the titular Robot Unicorn and forced to run, jump, and dash from the left side of the screen to the right.  Seems ease enough, right? And for a short time, it most certainly is.  The unicorn trots at a leisurely pace to the right, taking the jumps as it makes its way towards its destination.  Until it comes across a rock formation shaped like a star.  So what does it do in this situation?

Well, with the push of the “X” key, the unicorn decides to run so fast that it blows it up!

Sounds awesome, right? Unfortunately, your abomination in the eyes of God is a Glass Cannon and can only take one hit of punishment per run.  In an interesting move from most games of the kind, however, there are no real enemies.  Just the ground and the stars to impact against.  At first, this isn’t as big a deal as the unicorn’s speed is relatively low at the start and the jumps between platforms are relatively few and managable. As time goes on, however, there are elevated spots, as well as wider and wider gaps between platforms all of which will require double jumps, dashing like mad, and having reflexes that are about twice as fast as you think they are.

"Inspirational"

I will say one thing about this game, it’s not unfair (except for when the speed picks up enough that you can’t see where you’re jumping to between gaps).  Just very difficult. It’s a test of reflexes, more or less. If you play, you’re going to go through many, many rounds of this.  I will say this, however:  for something that has no clear objective, it is addictive as all get out.

The design of it is pretty good as well.  A landscape right out of the stereotypical bedroom of a little girl.  Land with purple grass, rainbows, fairies (which can be collected for extra points) and dolphins leaping about through the air backed by “Always” (again, endlessly looped to the point of annoyance).  It’s sickening cute…as well as very, very deceptive.  It’s all there to lull the player into letting their defenses down.  

Best descriptor for this game:  "Sweet and terrible, like a madman's lullaby".

Of course, some healthy doses of snark come through in it as well.  The loading screen between each attempt (you get three per round, upon which you must restart) display ‘inspirational’ messages to encourage you to keep playing…and a few that are just blatantly to juxtapose the tone of the rest of the game.  Phrases like “Persistence is futile” and “You will fail!”, which are ultimately correct.  In the end, it’s futile to try to win, because there is no way to do so (or, if there is, I sure haven’t seen it).  But, still, I’d recommend it if you’re just looking to kill some time.

And next week, I'll be back to reviewing some real games...

Robot Unicorn Attack is now available on Facebook, on iPhone, iPad, and even on Adult Swim.com