MadCap's Reel Thoughts - "Conan the Barbarian" (1982)

"Between the time when game reviews had no editing and the rise of the Beat Sabers, there was an age undreamed of. And onto this, MadCap, destined to wear the metaphysical crown of Z-List Internet Celebrity status upon a troubled brow! It is I, his editor, who alone can tell you of his story. Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!"

Conan the Barbarian was originally a pulp sword and sorcery character as written by writer Robert E. Howard.  Hailing from the pre/early history (and fictional) Hyborian Age, Conan of Cimmeria was many things in his time - a warrior, a thief, a gladiator, and a king. By using influences from the real world in terms of society and technology, Howard was able to craft a world similar to the historical one we know here on Earth, but without needing to spend a lot of time explaining anything and allowing for anachronisms (such as, say, Krull). It's pretty genius and lends itself to us caring more about the story than we do the minutiae.

Which brings us to 1982's Conan the Barbarian. One of the first feature films of the future Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger, it is set in that world of low fantasy, high adventure. It's considered a cult classic and has made an obscene amount of profit every time it's been released on home media. However, here's the question of the hour...is it good?

Well, yeah. I figured that'd be obvious.

What if...the Empire of the Wolf began in Tooth and Claw? (Part 3)

Last time, Captain Jack Harkness found himself on the run from the werewolf legions of the Torchwood Institute. As he makes his way to the Torchwood House, Jack experiences the strange appearances and disappearances of various creatures. Time is beginning to unravel as he makes his way into the house to find...the TARDIS, and a very familiar individual within it, the Doctor.

Just not the Doctor he was expecting to find.

MadCap's Reel Thoughts - "Krull" (1983)

"This, it was given to me to know...that many worlds have been enslaved by the Beast and his army, the Slayers. And this, too, was given me to know...that the Beast would come to our world, the world of Krull, and his Black Fortress would be seen in the land. That the smoke of burning villages would darken the sky, and the cries of the dying echo through deserted valleys. But one thing I cannot know, whether the prophecy be true, that a girl of ancient name shall become queen, that she shall choose a king, and that together they shall rule our world, and that their son shall rule the galaxy."

Thus begins the epic of Krull, one of the many many films made in the wake of the success of Star Wars and trying to invoke the same feel without nearly as much of the set up. If, in particular, you decided to TL;DR that quote from the film, then I'm afraid to tell you you better get used to much, much more of it.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this movie. It just never bothers to explain anything about the background information. What background information we are given is as follows: on a planet named Krull, an entity known as the Beast has arrived to conquer everything. Two rival kingdoms seek to form an alliance by marriage, Prince Colwyn and Princess Lyssa will wed. As the prophecy says, a girl of ancient name will become Queen, she will choose a king, and together they shall rule the world of Krull.

Needless to say, the Beast has more than a few reservations about this and, without one, decides to crash the wedding.