Thursday, December 5, 2019

MadCap Fixes Movies - "The Last Jedi"

Oooooh, boy, has this been a long time coming. Hasn't it?

The time was December 15, 2017. I had settled into my seat to be dazzled and amazed by the next chapter in the Star Wars saga. The movie started rolling...and then we saw Luke Skywalker haphazardly chuck his father's lightsaber over his shoulder and go on to drink milk he'd milked out of alien boobs.

We saw Poe Dameron making "Yo mama" jokes.

We saw Finn's character arc destroyed and reverted as he turned into a comic relief joke.

We saw Admiral Holdo, who is potentially the worst military leader since General Custer.

We saw Snoke made irrelevant within the space of a few seconds.

We saw any defense Rey had against being a Mary Sue be destroyed as any attempt at answering questions was ruined.

We saw Rose Tico and bullshit moralizing that ended up with a bunch of children still in enslavement.

We saw a "kill the past" message being rammed down our throats by literally the worst character to be chosen to be the one to give said message considering his Discord account is xxDarthxxVaderxxLoverxx1337.

We saw whole fragments of canon being ignored or perverted just to tell the story that Rian Johnson wanted to tell.

And none of it being acceptable in the EIGHTH FILM OF YOUR FRANCHISE!

And then, of course, there was everything that came after.
The backlash from Rian Johnson himself, heartbroken and devastated that people did not accept his true genius addition to the Star Wars saga.

The shills who came out in droves to defend the movie and paint everyone who disliked it as a bunch of white supremacist misogynist manbabies.

The Reylos.

So now, almost two years hence, I'm finally finishing what I started way back in June of last year: fixing the Sequel Trilogy. It's something that JJ Abrams and I really have in common at this point. Isn't that right, JJ?

Now, how to go about fixing it? Besides the obvious joke about turning the script down and burning every single copy of it so that it never sees the light of day again, I did outline some of the changes I'd like to make in my review of The Last Jedi. And while my opinion of the film has changed over the two years since it's release - that is, it got worse - I do believe that those tenants should apply. To refresh your memory, those are:

1. Cut down the runtime to 2 hours, remove unnecessary subplots.
2. Take some time to develop characters more.
3. Have Rey acknowledged as Luke's daughter already.
4. Have the twist about Kylo's perception of the events of Luke's attack on him be at the end of the film.
5. Either get rid of or replace pointless characters with ones that have a point.
6. Rewrite the ending on a count of Carrie Fisher's unfortunate passing.

Number six, luckily, we won't have to do. Yes, Leia will pass on in this version of events given Carrie Fisher's untimely death in real life. Unlike how The Last Jedi played out, her death will be something tasteful and fitting of the character that does not result in the stupidity that is Space Leia.

1 through 5 we'll work on as we go along. The first thing I want to address is the title...which I really just don't like. I didn't when it was announced and I don't now. So, let's change it. Rather than calling it The Last Jedi, I'm instead going to call it The Knights of Ren. We'll get more emphasis on the order that Kylo is apparently the head of, rather than them showing up for a cool cameo in The Force Awakens and then being relegated to irrelevance.

The film doesn't actually start with the First Order attack on the Resistance base. Remember, they're on the run now after Starkiller Base got destroyed. Unlike the actual film, the First Order doesn't suddenly have a tyrannical grip on the galaxy after getting their asses handed to them. Instead, we start on Irish Dagobah. Rey has come across Luke Skywalker in a massive pit with rocks levitating by his sheer presence - kind of a callback to Empire when Luke struggled to lift even one rock with the Force.

He's a Jedi Master now, and his power is much greater than the Rebel pilot who crashlanded on Dagobah all those decades ago.

He certainly isn't some asshole bumming about because he feels moderately depressed.

Luke greets Rey with surprise, clearly expecting someone else but not her. Accepting the lightsaber from her, he asks her if she knows what she just handed him. Rey responds that it's the weapon of Luke Skywalker, and Anakin before him. She had to bring it to him, so she could bring him back to Leia and the Resistance. Luke looks over the weapon, lost to him on Bespin so many years ago, and then he hands it back to her. When Rey asks why, he tells her that she'll know soon enough. For now, he says, the pair of them have a job to do.

Luke inquires about Han, and Rey and Chewbacca have to tell him the bad news. Luke mourns his brother-in-law, rather than having a less than twenty second scene in which he acknowledges Han's existence.

We also get the reason why the map to Luke Skywalker existed - Luke had a contingency plan with Leia so that she could find him if something happened or, at the very least, continue his work to find the sacred Jedi texts. While Luke acknowledges that the Force does not belong to the Jedi, he also acknowledges that no other orders of Force users are stepping up to fill the role and now he has to do so...or rather, he and his new apprentice, as he takes Rey under his wing.

Meanwhile, the Resistance is leaving the planet they were based on at the end of The Force Awakens only to be intercepted by a First Order fleet led by none other than Grand Admiral Thrawn. He and Leia have a showdown through the hologram projectors, and we see the full scope of Thrawn's menace. Leia's met him before, and knows what the former Imperial Admiral is capable of. The battle that follows is brutal, but the Resistance just barely manages to escape after taking many, many casualties .

Kylo, onboard Thrawn's ship, inquires as to why he allowed any of the Resistance to escape. Thrawn replies with two simple words, "False hope". True to his reasoning, the Resistance celebrates their fortuitous escape...but Leia is aware of what Thrawn is doing and knows they need to think of a countermeasure and fast. It is around this time that Finn wakes up. Though he's initially worried about Rey, he acknowledges his character development from the last movie. Rather than trying to run, he agrees to help the Resistance without question.

Also, there is no Rose Tico. I like Kelly Marie Tran, I even like the idea they were going for with her in the film (believe it or not), but Rian Johnson himself said that she's not a character that belongs in a Star Wars movie. 

Who am I to argue with Ol' Roundhead?

Leia reaches out to some of her contacts to give the Resistance a place to lay low for a bit so they can get back to the Republic. Back on the Falcon, as Chewbacca flies (since it is his ship now), Rey begins her first lesson with Luke in the very same room that Luke first had his from Obi-Wan Kenobi. The training remote is used, Luke giving Rey the same speech about trusting her instincts rather than thinking her way through using the Force.

The Force isn't something that can be fully grasped by the mind. It is, after all, an energy field created by all living things that binds the very galaxy together. It's certainly not the creation of, say, microscopic bacteria in the bloodstream of living beings. That would be stupid!

...yes, I can still take shots at the Prequels. Eat me.

As we established in my TFA fix, Rey is still a little unsteady and even afraid of her power. Luke's words encourage her, however, and she manages to defeat the remote on her second attempt just as Luke did in the past. It is about that time that Rey asks if Luke knew her parents, since he seemed to know her. Here, Luke gets thoughtful and heavily introspective for a long moment, remembering the past much as Obi-Wan seemed to be lost in thought during Luke's youth (perhaps an echo of the audio from A New Hope as Luke thinks over this).

Faced with almost a mirror of himself, and remembering how Obi-Wan and Yoda had kept the truth from him (if only from "a certain point of view"), Luke resolves to continue being the counterargument to the Jedi of the past, and we hear the lines that were spoken from the earliest TFA trailers.

"The Force is strong in my family. My father had it. I have it. My sister has it. You have that power, too...daughter."
BOOM.

Oh, I can hear you all complaining now. Well, stow it. It was blunt-force trauma'd onto us so hard in TFA that I still feel like I'm picking bits of the mace they used to do it out of my skull. If she's not Luke's daughter, then the only other explanation is that she's Han and Leia's kid. I've long held the belief that it couldn't be that, since I don't believe Han would be able to keep his mouth shut if Rey were his daughter - and it's very clear that he knew who she was in TFA.

Plus, since this is my own spin on things, this is a perfect opportunity to bring Mara Jade back into canon. Say that she was Rey's mother. Boom. That way, Disney gets one of their spin-off films or Disney+ Series that they love so much to do, and we get an explanation for why Rey is so powerful. However, this is balanced by her not originally being so in control of her powers. It also allows for progression, much like Luke had gone through in the original trilogy.

Here, we see that she's getting better and understanding herself and her place in the galaxy. Taking her first step into a larger world as it were. Luke also tells Rey that she was not put on Jakku by his choice, but was taken from him and hidden away so that she did not suffer the same fate as her cousin Bail - the one she knows to be Kylo Ren.

While this is going on, we'll get back to Snoke and company. Kylo Ren is being lambasted for not finishing off Rey, rather than being defeated by her, on Starkiller Base. Despite his insistence that he should be allowed to pursue and stop her, Snoke informs him that he's already too late: she has reached Skywalker. They must be stopped before they reach the Resistance again, and while Thrawn is already working to destroy them, Snoke is sending the other Knights of Ren after Luke and Rey. Kylo protests, but Snoke chastises him and perhaps even throws him around with the Force through his hologram projector.

Remember, we're still not completely seeing Snoke. Not yet. We're building up just who or what Snoke is as well as bringing a menace about him, something that was severely lacking in TFA or TLJ.

The Resistance, meanwhile, goes from world to world. Leia's contacts aren't responding, and it becomes clear as to why - they're all dead. From world to world they go to, they find only smoke and ash and the occasional group of First Order ships to battle. The First Order, under Thrawn, has been cleaning house. To quote another sci-fi epic - "when your quarry goes to ground, leave no ground to go to". It becomes clear to Leia in particular that Thrawn intends to break them before destroying them utterly. Not wishing to give him the satisfaction, she decides to go to the Republic capital.

This, however, turns out to be something Thrawn planned for. He uses his fleet to block out the Resistance from hyperdrive (because you can't actually use hyperdrive to, say, destroy other ships because that would be immensely stupid) and begins to pick them off. Leia sends out Poe and Wedge to weed through the FO's attack, but their defeats before have thinned the herd significantly. They're able to take down a few wings of fighters, but are very soon getting overwhelmed as Thrawn does get back up. We get a nice fake-out where we are led to believe that Wedge will be killed off, only for his X-Wing to be saved at the last minute by Leia using the Force to guide it back into the Resistance ship.

Yes, Leia can still use the Force as in the movie as presented. Unlike that, however, she's using it for something cool instead of something monumentally stupid like floating through the vacuum of space!

So with Wedge saved, the Resistance's last capital ship manages to make the jump into hyperspace, heading for the Republic homeworld.

Meanwhile, Rey, Luke, Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2 take off in the Falcon, heading to go meet the rendezvous with Leia and the rest. It is here that Rey shows Luke the transmitter that she was given by Leia, which will transmit a signal to the Resistance. Luke asks if it can be traced, his question being answered by blaster fire at the rear of the Falcon - the Knights of Ren have arrived! What follows is a spectacular battle akin to the one in A New Hope with the TIE Fighter attack, Luke working alongside his daughter with his own piloting skills to help them pull out a win. Unlike that battle, however, the Falcon gets taken in by the Knights' ship - a cruiser called The Leviathan.

As they wait to be boarded, Rey activates her lightsaber and is prepared to go down swinging...only to find Luke kneeling down with his eyes closed as if in deep meditation. She is confused by this, but soon follows her father's suite and is impassive as a legion of Stormtroopers come onboard. Chewbacca, trusting Luke, doesn't immediately start ripping heads off he, the droids, and the Jedi are taken into custody.

It is here that Luke introduces Rey to the Knights of Ren - his former students and, in his words, his greatest failure. They were all students of his Jedi Academy that had turned to the Dark Side, killing all of his students, including Rey's mother Mara. While this fills her with anger, Luke tries to deflect her from it...particularly seeing as the Knights of Ren did not come to Luke to kill him or bring him to Snoke but, in a twist...for help. Specifically, help with Kylo...and Thrawn, a name that fills Luke with surprise and no small amount of worry. Knowing that Snoke has managed to bring Thrawn out of retirement, Luke believes that Snoke must be really desperate to snuff out the Republic.

We also get some development of the Knights either through a few short scenes here or in flashbacks, that give us a reason to care about them beyond their character design. Sort of pre-empting the Boba Fett problem with them. They were cool to look at in TFA, but there was absolutely no substance to them, not even their names. Here, particularly with the emphasis on the name change (mostly chosen by me because "Knights of Ren" sounds way cooler than "The Last Jedi"), it seems more appropriate to give them the spotlight.

Tossing them into a few scenes beforehand, we could have them leading the First Order strike teams on the various planets that Leia's contacts can be found. Have Finn fight one, or Poe engage in a dogfight with one. Either way, they all end up getting the call to return to the Leviathan in time for Luke and Rey's capture.

Thrawn gets explained to Rey as a Grand Admiral of the Galactic Empire, one who Luke fought in the fledgling years of the New Republic. Luke admits that he had believed Thrawn to be dead after the Battle of Jakku, but even he says that he should have known better. He also mentions Snoke, saying he is a being unlike any that he's encountered. Unlike the Knights, however, the First Order soldiers onboard are not bound by such delusions. They overhear the plotting of the Knights and resolve to kill them all - Jedi and Knight of Ren alike.

Unfortunately for them, they picked the wrong Force users to come up against.  The Knights and Rey are able to dispatch most of the troops, while Luke is able to simply walk through others with a mere wave of his hand to Jedi Mind Trick them. Luke still has his green-bladed lightsaber, but isn't using it. There's no need yet. Much like Yoda, he has gone beyond the need for such a rudimentary weapon...at least for now.

Together, the Force users manage to commandeer The Leviathan and one of the Knights (his or her true emotions masked by Luke) sends a message to Snoke that Luke and Rey have been captured. He orders them to come to [Insert Republic Capital Planet Here] so that he can take them into custody. This, very luckily, brings them on a course that will have them meet up with Leia and the rest.

The Resistance capital ship, on its last legs, gets to the Republic capital. Only a small fleet is there, but Leia quickly gets them to call for reinforcements as Thrawn and company arrive - at the head of the fleet is Snoke's ship, the Supremacy. Snoke has Thrawn directing the battle while he focuses on Kylo. He has foreseen a battle that takes place on the surface - the final battle between Kylo Ren and Luke Skywalker.

A battle where one of them must surely die.

The Republic ship commanding the fleet gets destroyed, so Leia ends up taking authority much like Picard does in Star Trek: First Contact - via previous record of asses kicked. Here, we get to see the tactical side of her once again as she directs the fleet and matches Thrawn blow for blow, though it's clear that the numbers are against them with the Republic's reinforcements still en route. Here we also get scenes of Finn on the Resistance ship helping civilians get out of areas being hit by fire and falling apart. Just him doing simple heroics to help out the cause.

The coward turned into a hero.

Taking it even further, while Poe and Wedge are leading X-Wing and Y-Wing flights out to battle TIEs, Finn could be helping repel boarders and the like. A chance for him to show the character he's become instead of being a comic relief joke.

As we get to the climax of the battle, Leia's ship about to crash to the planet and the Republic's reinforcements still not having arrived, that the Leviathan arrives. A crash course is plotted to collide with the Supremacy, which Kylo, Snoke, and Thrawn escape in Snoke's shuttle. Luke links with Leia through the Force and, together, they are able to slow the descent of Leia's ship to avoid a crash. The First Order forces start landing and dropping troops, meeting with Republic forces on the ground. Rey and the Knights of Ren charge out to assist, joining in the battle.

And it is here, finally here, that we get to see Snoke in full. A menacing figure, one who - like Luke - is able to simply walk through the opposing forces without issue. Use of the Force is, to him, as simple as breathing as it is for Luke. Unlike Luke, however, he is a great deal more violent and destructive. He does, however, restrict Kylo from entering the battlefield. The time is not yet right.

We have a scene of Luke and Leia reuniting, Rey and Finn reuniting. Everyone in the main cast together onscreen for the third act.

Just as Snoke predicted, as both the First Order and the Republic forces have dug in, the time has come for the final battle between Luke and Kylo. As in the film we got, Luke and Kylo do square off. Kylo denounces Luke as a liar and traitor, that he failed in his quest to restore the Jedi and that Snoke has shown him the proper way.

Then comes the "I am your father" moment. Here is where we address Number 4 on my list of things to fix, Kylo's belief that Luke tried to kill him. Luke denies this, however - Kylo's memories are wrong. Kylo shows Rey and the Knights his memories through the Force, showing them his version of events. Rey is naturally horrified, but then Luke pulls a coup de grace and reveals the truth - it was an elaborate deception created by Snoke - who manipulated his perceptions through the Force. Kylo, having had difficulty reaching into the Dark Side, commits to it fully now. Enraged and driven mad from the revelation, he charges to strike down Snoke...only to be stopped by Luke.

Through the fight, rather than taunting him, Luke attempts to talk his nephew back down. Repeatedly calls him Bail, which Kylo rejects angrily as he had when Han tried to call him by name. With him only getting progressively angrier, Luke realizes that he has no chance of talking him down and decides to pull an Obi-Wan. He raises his saber...and Kylo strikes him down just as Vader did Obi-Wan back on the Death Star so many years ago.

Snoke is pleased by this...until Kylo charges him. Rey and the Knights charge in to subdue him, but it's unnecessary. Snoke subdues Kylo with Force lightning and pulls him into the shuttle. A confused Thrawn is ordered to pilot the shuttle back...the Republic's reinforcements will be coming soon. True to his word, as they take off, Leia hears over her commlink as the Republic fleet rolls in. She also tells Luke that he can come out of hiding now.

Indeed, Luke Skywalker is not dead. Stepping out of The Leviathan, he reveals to have merely projected himself into the battle. What Snoke saw was Kylo defeating a projection of the Jedi Master. Rey is overjoyed and shares a moment with her father and her aunt. However, this is undercut by a bit of a somber note - when Luke tried to reach Bail, he could find no light in his heart, much to Leia's dismay.

Unlike Vader, there may be no chance of returning Kylo Ren to the Light.

Thus, we come to the final few minutes of the film.

The Knights of Ren commit themselves to re-training under Luke, shedding their statuses as Knights of Ren. Rey likewise joins them, a bit more confident in both her Force abilities and her skills with a lightsaber and knowing that she will meet Kylo Ren in battle once again.

The Republic prepares for all-out war.

In the First Order's space, Snoke and Thrawn return to the capital world and Snoke retrieves an ancient box covered in symbols of the Sith...Thrawn realizing the truth about the man. Snoke is not a Sith Lord, not any kind of Dark Side user he has ever known...but the last of the Sith species that originally came from Korriban (no, I don't care if Disney changed the name). Snoke orders Kylo to be taken to the medical chambers, having the box taken there as well for...special purposes. He tells Thrawn that their next designation...is Korriban.

Thus, we are left on a cliffhanger - will the Knights of Ren return fully to the light side? Can Kylo Ren be redeemed? What was in the ancient box that Snoke retrieved? What will happen now?

Something a little bit better than "We have everything we need" and everyone being so chipper when the only hope in the galaxy is down to maybe eight people on one ship.

And that's how I would end The Last Jedi, or rather - The Knights of Ren as I'd rather have called it. Honestly, I think the thing flows much better - mostly because we have only two major plots going on - A and B.

A. Luke and Rey meeting and then meeting up with the Knights to join in the battle.

B. Leia and company fending off Thrawn and the First Order.

Separated by the events of the previous film, then drawn back together in the end for the finale. We get some actual answers to things that have been bugging us since TFA - in particular Rey's backstory - and have some things to look forward to in the future. We also get to see some awesome use of the Force as well, and with good reason. Luke and Snoke not only serve as the mirror to each other, but an example of what Rey, Kylo, and the Knights could be through practice and development. A benchmark to achieve.

But what are your thoughts? Feel free to toss them into the comments below! I'm already thinking of things I could change in this write up as it is now! I'll probably have another Movie Fix up in a short while, something a little bit closer to Earth this time. See you then!

For the latest from the MadCapMunchkin, be sure to follow him on Twitter @MadCapMunchkin.

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